


Shooting for the Biggest Stars

by Kurokatana



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: AU!Highschool, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Fluff, Foreign Exchange Student, Jocks and Nerds, Male Homosexuality, Mavin, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Smut, Multi, Romance, Rooster Teeth - Freeform, Unlikely Pair, achievement hunter - Freeform, joelay - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-10 15:16:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 71,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2029914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kurokatana/pseuds/Kurokatana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joel "Caboose" Heyman, senior at Achievement Teeth East high school. He's popular, funny, friendly, knows his way around a stage. Sure he hangs out with the jocks and cheerleaders sometimes, how couldn't he went he's captain of the varsity basketball team and super attractive? But his real friends are the ones no one notices, the ones that hang out in the library during lunch, the outcasts. The members of Achievement Teeth East's gaming club. It's a new year and a new member arrives, Ray Narvaez Jr, foreign exchange sophomore from Puerto Rico.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 'Merica School

**Author's Note:**

> Probably my second most favorite ship, JOELAY. I hate that it's not so popular. I began thinking of writing this fic after seeing a RT confession on tumblr. It was something to the affect that JOELAY makes such a good couple because Ray seems like the kind of person who would absolutely shower his partner in love and that's just what Joel needs...So I finally started to write it.

**He** walked down the hallway next to his host brother looking around at the various bulletins and posters on the walls. "So...this is American school huh?"  
  
"Yeah, what do they not have pictures in Puerto Rico?"  
  
"No," Ray joked as he looked at his phone. "we haven't discovered cameras yet." The two laughed as they went towards their first class, they felt very fortunate that the counselor was understanding and put them in all the same classes. They entered homeroom at least 20 minutes early but Michael wanted to be sure they wouldn't have any hassle on Ray's first day, getting to class early was the best time to get to know it.  
  
"Micool!" Ray watched a boy with long golden hair and green eyes spring up from one of the desks and wrap his skinny arms around Michael's neck. "Long time no see."  
  
"Shut up," Michael chuckled hugging the boy back. "It's only been like two weeks since we went out over the summer. Anyway...I would like you to meet my exchange brother." He beckoned towards the petite teen and Gavin held his hand out for him to shake.  
  
"Hallo, lovely to meet you." Gavin said with a smile. "I'm called Gavin Free, and you are?"  
  
"Great meeting you man, I'm Ray Tafcar Narvaez Junior...but please just call me Ray."  
  
"Is your dad called Ray, Ray?"  
  
"No, it's just one 'Ray'," He snickered. "he's not an asshole. So uh...not to be so abrupt but are you from England?"  
  
Gavin gave him a playful 'are you serious?' look. "No, I just had a stroke...yes I'm British you sausage." He mused at Ray's light accent. "And what are you? Mexican?"  
  
Ray smiled at the silly young man. "Puerto Rican thanks for asking, we do speak Spanish though."  
  
"Say something in Spanish, Ray."  
  
Before Ray could even think of a clever or vulgarly funny sentence to say, he was interrupted by Michael shouting. He and Gavin turned to see Michael doing a fist pump with some guy. He was tall and broad, and standing in front of three other guys wearing the same jacket, so Ray assumed he was a leader type. "So you finally joined the big leagues! Welcome to sophomore year, guys." The guy had brown hair with soft curls and fair eyes. His attire consisted of blue jeans, a red athletic shirt and a varsity jacket with the school's logo on it.

 _'Oh god no.'_ Ray thought to himself.  _'Jocks are a real fucking thing? The movies were correct.'_. He frowned at the thought that this year may be made difficult for him, he'd seen enough of those cheesy high school films to know that tall, outgoing, and varsity equals avoid at all cost. But that would be hard, he realized, for Gavin and Michael were standing with the four older boys. They would be the link that forces him to be around them.

"Get your arse over here." Gavin tugged his arm to force him to stand beside him. "This bloke is called Ray, he's Michael's exchange brother for the year." Gavin turned towards Ray and beckoned towards the jocks. "Ray, meet our friends Burnie, Jack, Geoff, and Ryan." 

Ryan was the first to step forward to shake Ray's hand. "Hey there. So where are you from, Ray?"

"Sup." Ray plastered a smile onto his face. "I'm from Puerto Rico, don't let the fair skin fool you."

"I see...you are  _pretty_ white looking, no offense. It's the voice and name that sells it." The group burst into laughter before another guy came to shake his hand.

Ray was surprised with what a beard he had, even for an upperclassman it was a lot. "Welcome Ray, nice to meet you." Ray responded with a similar greeting, then commented on how cool the older teen's orange beard looked. Then he was greeted by a senior with striking blue eyes and tattoos, at least on the visible parts of his pale arms. Lastly he shook hands with Church, who he found out also goes by Burnie.

"So uh," Ray began, pointing at Church's jacket. "What sport do you all play? You must be the best at it to get those jackets I assume."

Church chuckled. "Basketball. One thing you'll find out about Texas is that football is like a way of life here, but we at Achievement Teeth high don't give a shit about football compared to our love for basketball. It's our specialty, we almost always win championships and it's just swell. We are on varsity...but we aren't the best. Our captain, Joel, is the best."

"Speaking of Joel...where's the dickwad at?" Geoff asked looking at his phone's clock. "He said he has homeroom with us and that he'd be here before us. He's a damn senior he shouldn't be lost or anything."

"Well, he's Joel...so there is absolutely no telling. But don't jinx us, let's just enjoy the peacefulness while we can." Church began to walk towards the back of the class to sit and the rest of the group follow. They sat and talked about their goals for the year and what they expected, all except Ray. He didn't feel comfortable speaking with these four people, so he just listened and found out more about them. Geoff, Jack, and Church were seniors while Ryan was a junior. Gavin was a sophomore just like he and Michael, he was glad he had a higher chance of sharing classes with the funny Brit. He discovered that they all had a common interest, however: a love of video games.

"So Ray, what're you thoughts on joining the Gaming Club?" Ray tried to avoid Ryan's blue eyes as he took in this information.

"You really have a club dedicated to video games? That's fucking awesome, where do I sign up?"

"That's the best part!" He replied sarcastically. "You don't! You just start attending and after three days you're an official member." Ray told the boy he'd be sure to attend. They began to wind down from their conversation and instead focus on the other students beginning to file in. They would make nasty observations amongst themselves, the indirectness of the comments left more to the imagination which made them all the more funny. 

"She has NO business wearing those shorts."

"Is that his hair or did someone but a dead raccoon on his head??"

"Nice sweater vest, asshole."

"What a fucking moron...those shoes look like shit."

"His shirt makes me wanna off myself."

"Those two could NOT look worse if they tried."

"That girl's style is unacceptable...I say we but her in a hole." A chorus of 'Jesus Christ, Ryan' came from the group, and the gent only laughed in response. The bell rung for class to begin and the teacher went up to the front of the classroom to greet the students and give a small intro to study hall speech. Next, she told every student to one by one stand up and introduce themselves, then say something about themselves. And, much to Ray's delight, he and some of the little group had the funniest thing to say. He anticipated they'd become the class clowns and pretty beloved in here.

"I'm called Gavin, and I like to drink a nice warm cup of tea as I play halo. It's top."

"I'm Michael Jones," He bowed in a over exaggerated goofy way. "I enjoy dangerous foods and chillin' with mah boi Gavin." Gavin 'Aww'd' at the statement which caused the class to giggle.

"I'm Ryan and my favorite animal is the cow. Good for filling in holes." He winked at the teacher creepily as he sat back down.

Jack stood up and cleared his throat. "Jack is my name, beard growing is my game. I also hang out with my cats time to time." Michael was banging on his desk as he struggled to keep his laugh to a reasonable volume.

"My name is Geoff Lazer Ramsey. In my spare time I create things in Minecraft and cook." Several of the girls cooed at the sound of 'cook'. "I also plan enjoy photography."

Last was Ray, he had his thing all planned out. It was perfect. "I'm Ray Narvaez Junior. I am a fan of blazing it up and smoking that herb." The class erupted into insane laughter, Jack and Geoff being the loudest.

The teacher stared at him dumbfounded, then she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and cleared her throat. "I'm assuming since you were accepted into this foreign exchange program that's not true. Still...please do not make jokes like that in here."

"Won't happen again, Ma'am." He sat back down, blushing at all the students who were still smiling at him. After than a student came walking into the class with a slip of paper in his hand.

"I apologize for being late, miss." He said handing her the paper. "My car wasn't being good to me this morning, it wouldn't for awhile."

"That's fine Mr. Heyman, glad you could make it." Joel nodded at the teacher and turned to look at the class. There were girls beckoning to an empty desk next to them, pleading with their eyes for the senior to sit with them. He ignored the ladies and strolled over to an empty desk in front of Church. The two of them fist pumped and shook hands like old buddies.

Church gave the him an inquiring look. "Caboose! Where the hell we're you, man?"

"Didn't you just hear? My car's an idiot, silly Burnie."

"What the fuck ever," Church laughed. "how about telling us where you really were?" The smiled that formed on Joel's face said 'okay, you caught me.' and sent the guys, except Ray, into a fit of laughter.

Joel shrugged his shoulders as he an annoyed look replaced his smile. "Kara wanted me to pick her up and bring her to school,  _then_ she's like 'It's a new year how scary oh boo hoo I'm helpless' and makes me take her to class. I'd also lost my schedule so I had to go up to the office to get a new one, but what're you gonna do?"

Michael laughed and patted Joel on the back sympathetically. "Damn Joel, Kara is, to say the least, pretty fond of you, man. I don't wanna say anything and all, but you might wanna think of asking her out or something."

"Maybe, no promises though."

"By the way, you oughta meet Ray now. He's my exchange brother." Joel looked in the direction Michael pointed and something in him changed, he frozen for a moment before jutting his hand out towards him and chuckling nervously.

"How's it going man? Joel Heyman, but you can call me Caboose if you'd like."

"Ray Narvaez," Ray smiled at the older boy. "nice meeting you." A shock surged through Joel's arm when his hand met Ray's. The reason for that he did not know. Maybe it was his glimmering brown eyes? No. How about his soft slightly tanned skin? Nuh uh, that's not it. Or perhaps it was the faint accent the boy possessed...no that wasn't it either! ' _What is it with this guy?'_ Joel wondered. He looked at the boys dark curly hair, glasses, white teeth, black and red t-shirt, and black cargo shorts. It wasn't any of this that made the boy stand out. It could have been he was smaller than all the others, but that was too obvious. He gave up on trying to figure that out and turned around to rest his arms on his desk.

* * *

**It'd** come time for lunch and Joel was headed for the library where he'd always like to eat lunch with Kerry and Matt, but occasionally he'd be swept away to the cafeteria by someone, usually a cheerleader or fellow member of the basketball team. This year would prove to be no different. One of his teammates had called after him and in a way 'forced' him to sit with him and the others. When they got to their table Joel saw Church and Ryan had also been made to sit, their faces were practically drenched with misery and they picked at their trays. Joel sighed and sat in between the two and smiled at them, trying to make things better for them. They'd both smiled back but Joel saw that they weren't getting any less annoyed being there. The cheerleaders' high pitched voices squealing about male celebrities, the jocks dumb laughter and flaunting about how many girls they've wooed and banged, it was just so damn irritating. 

the three gamers began to converse, the other people at the table paying them no mind really. They could all gradually feel themselves become happier as their conversations became funnier, ranging from Church's quirky plans for drama to Ryan's new obsession with agriculture class, because they would be going on a field trip to a dairy farm. Even when they burst into laughter at the things Joel told them he'd said to teachers so far no one even looked over at them. Everyone knew Joel was a sweetheart and nice, so whenever he said something snide people only laughed harder. He said it in such an unusual way anyone could see he was joking.  
  
"Well I met a lot of cool people today, people who wanted to join the club. Mostly sophomores though."  
  
Burnie's eyes lit up. "Same, it's good to see a new generation of high schoolers taking such an interest. We can get the club more recognized, people could see how great it really is." Ryan and Joel smiled at the seniors ambitious mentality. "Who've you met Joel?"  
  
"I met new...ladies-"  
  
"Jesus _Christ_ , Joel!" Church threw his hands up in sarcastic disbelieve. " _HOW_ many girls have you found throughout high school who'd kill each other for you? They're all wild animals."  
  
"Now Church, you know how unpleasant it is for me, I just wanna disappear I guess you could say? Yeah. Yeah vanishing from their sight would be nice, so only the girls worthwhile noticed me...GOD that'd be swell."  
  
"So basically you've only met people who're useless and annoying?" Ryan asked abruptly.  
  
"No, no, I've also met people who asked me about the club, we probably all talked to the same people. There was one person who wants to join but they're nervous. Sophomore."  
  
Ryan sat down his orange juice and looked at him more interesting. "Nervous?"  
  
"Yeah he's new to the area an..." Joel's voice trailed off and his head that was slowly scanning to area stopped moving. He watched as Ray entered the cafeteria and look down at a paper in his hand. He squinted at it and looked up again to look around the cafeteria before frowning and slowly walking towards another exit.   
  
"Caboose? You gonna finish that or..?"  
  
"Oh y-yeah. Yeah I'm gonna finish my food, asshole stay away." He smiled playfully and held onto his tray to protect it. "But yeah he's new and sort of shy, but I know he really wants to join so I'll force him to if I gotta." He struck the table hard with his fist, a determined look on his face.  
  
"Why do you want him to join so much?"  
  
"I'm the cofounder of that club." He replied smugly. "It's my responsibility to help it's current and/or potential members like the club, welcome them in. Besides there's a bad stereotype about gamers, you guys know. That it's just for lazy good for nuthins, that's not true and I want to promote that."  
  
"I see." Ryan nodded with understanding. "So you think he's worth it?"  
  
Joel caught a glimpse of Ray exiting through the back of the cafeteria before he was out of sight, and he smiled. "Yeah. I'd say he is."

 


	2. Leeeet's Test!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray DID agree to join the gaming club, but now? Now he's having doubts. As one of the co-founders of the club, Caboose feels it is his duty to help promote the club, which includes recruiting new members whenever he can. Later on, little Narvaez meets a special friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can probably see from my high school AU fics how annoying I think jocks are in high school movies.:P I apologize in advance for how often I use it.

**When** there were only 13 minutes left of lunch and Joel was finished with his food he bid the table of people farewell and picked up his tray. As he got up and tried to walk past the table he felt a hand lightly grasp his jacket sleeve.  
  
"Oh you're leaving so soon? You should stay!"  
  
Joel forced a small smile to stretch across his face at the girl. "Yeah I'd love to but I have senior things to do. It sucks but what're ya gonna do?" His face was nearly twitching as he tried his best to keep the smile from turning into a frown.  
  
She gave him a sad look and tilted her head to the right slightly. "Pleaaase? It can't wait _thirteen_  minutes?"  
  
"Responsibility doesn't wait for anyone, Kara." He says with mock maturity. He gently eased his arm away from the girl and walked away with fairly quick strides, hoping to god she wouldn't be following him.   
  
He started for the back of the cafeteria which had a large entry way into a network of hallways. Once he was in the middle of the intersection, and confirmed no one had followed him, he inspected each path. "If I were a Ray, where would I be?" He looked down each hall and concentrated on it, as though he were trying to sense the sophomore. He decided to stop wasting anymore time and tried his luck with a hallway to the left. It leaded to one of the computer labs and he figured Ray was one who really enjoyed technology.  
  
He entered the computer lab and looked around. There were several students in the room, but he didn't see Ray. He sighed and retraced his steps back to the intersection. This time he decided to continue on straight, _'If he isn't here then my people knowing senses have ran out'_. Ray was a fairly geeky person, he'd collected, so maybe he'd be in the "reader's room" as the school called it. It was just a classroom sized room where people could sit in comfortable places and well, read. This time, his suspicions were correct. His people knowing senses hadn't failed him. Ray was sitting in a purple bean bag reading a sailor moon comic, so engrossed he didn't noticed Joel until he heard the crunching of a bean bag next to him.  
  
"Hey man, how're ya?"  
  
Ray blinked in confusion, for a second he didn't process the senior was speaking to him. "I'm dandy, and you?"   
  
"I'm dandy too." He replied smiling. Ray simply shrugged and turned back to his comic. Joel sat there watching him for a moment before getting up to push his bean bag closer to Ray's. Then he sat back down and pretended to look at the comic with extreme interest, forming a 'V' with his thumb and pointer finger and placing it on his chin. Occasionally he would go 'mhmm', or 'oh no she/he didn't', and then he said 'That magician's somethin else.'  
  
"Tuxedo Mask isn't a magician." Ray said matter-of-factly without looking away from the comic.  
  
"Who?" Joel frowned and tilted his head to right. "You lost me at the first syllable."  
  
"Tuxedo mask? He's my favorite character in the Sailor Moon series."  
  
"What? You're saying all this stuff my think box doesn't know about."  
  
Ray gave the older teen a disappointed look. "Why were you looking at the comic so intently if you don't even know about it?"  
  
"I was waiting for you to finish it so I could ask you something without really interrupting, and commentary broke the little- you know awkward aura we had going on."  
  
"Uhhh yeah, awkward aura, whatever. You were gonna ask me a question?"  
  
"Yes. About the gaming club, we need a little video game genius such as yourself. Your gamer score? It's over 9000, that's all I need to know."  
  
Ray gave him a look, a look of confusion laced with annoyance. He didn't like how direct and touchy Joel seemed to be, he didn't mind when other's were because he sort of was himself whenever he was being silly. Yet when Joel did it he had the instinct to try and avoid it as best he could. "To know I belong in that club? I mean...it'd be fun, I know, but I'm just not used to-" Ray clamped his mouth shut abruptly.  
  
"Not used to...?"  
  
 _'Being around so many bodies. Being this social. Being interactive with a room filled with people I don't know.'_ All of those things and then some came to his mind, but he decided to say none of them. "being in a club, I usually find other ways to hang out with friends. Just" He lied.  
  
"Ooooh I see." Joel squinted his eyes suspiciously and leaning forward so the distance between the two was split in half. "So are you the type that thinks clubs are lame?" He asked indignantly.  
  
Ray eyes widen with surprise. "This is weird."  
  
Joel scoffed and shook his head. "No you're MAKING it weird-"  
  
"Ooookay no I don't think clubs completely suck cock." He replied quickly, hoping it'd get Caboose out of his face. But it didn't. "I just prefer playing video games at my house or a friends, in Puerto Rico that is."  
  
"Hate to sound like an asswipe, but you're not there anymore, your friends back home aren't here. I know it's not my place to say but," he slowly began to smile and back away. "you should try a different way of playing with friends, you've already met some and it's first day. Grif, Jack, Ryan, Church, Michael, Gavin, and even more...they're all going to be in the club. I know I sound really... obsessed with the club, but it's a passion of mine, place I truly love to be. And I have no doubt you'll love it, too."  
  
"That's...a pretty respectable reason." Ray thought for a moment and sighed in defeat. "What room's the club in?"  
  
"It's in room 719. So you're gonna join?"  
  
"Eh." He shrugged his narrow shoulders. "Yeah. I mean yolo, right?"  
  
Joel snickered and gave him a quizzical look. "Yolo? Your vocabulary must be stuck on 2012 mode."  
  
"Yeah well...it's time to go back to class. I'll see you at the club I guess?"  
  
Joel smiled and gave Ray a thumbs up. "Mhmm." Ray simply nodded and rose from his bean bag. He exited the room and headed towards history class, not looking back once. 

* * *

**Once** inside the history class Ray immediately went over to sit with Michael. Next to him sat Gavin and three girls he didn't know.  
  
One of the girls happened to look up and noticed him coming near. She had long brown hair, a wide beautiful smile, and strange looking glasses. The frames were black on the top and white on the bottom, but they brought out her blue eyes well. "Hallo." She said with an Australian voice. "You must be Michael's brother, nice to meet you Ray."  
  
"Yup that's me." Ray smiled back. "And who're all of you lovely ladies?" And they all began to introduce themselves one by one.  
  
"Lindsay Tuggey, pleased to meet you." Said a girl with cute dimples, vibrant red hair and fair eyes.   
  
"And I'm Barbara!" A blonde said gleefully. She held a water bottle full with ice cubes in one hand and an iPhone in the other. "Excuse my directness, I'm not..." She held up the bottle and shook it. "good at breaking the ice."  
  
"Goddamn it." Ray lowered his head snickering. He knew then that he would enjoy Barbara's company even if she was really forward. But he knew that was just her being friendly and kind. "I'm happy to meet all of you...and I see the nonnatives outnumber the natives here, foreign power!" He said taking note of Barbara's Canadian voice.  
  
"Fuck you guys." Michael said snickering . "Let's see how that helps you in-- _AMERICAN_ history class."  
  
"Wanna place a lit'le bet, Micool and Lindsay? Whoever does the best on our first assignment wins it for their team."  
  
"What's the winner get outta this?" Lindsay said with much intrigue. "What does the _loser_ get?"  
  
"I've got it!" Caiti chirped. "Now what we'll do is...every loser has to pitch in money to treat the winners to lunch. Losers get nothing except a dent in their finances."  
  
Ray hit his desk in agreement "Free food? I'm all about it. Deal." He held his hand out and the others placed their hands on top of theirs. Just as they pulled away the teacher came in and greeted the students, then they went through the corny and boring ritual of every student standing up and introducing them. Much to Michael and Gavin's disappointment, Ray's was not weed related.  
  
"Okay everyone, I know this is going to 'suck' but today we have a common assessment. We're required to give them out once the first day of school and once the last day, to see your progress." She took a stack of packets from her desk and began passing them out. "It's all about the history of America, so it isn't rocket science, no worries." Most of the students in the class were groaning and complaining, except the six sitting towards the center.   
  
They all looked at each other with serious expressions. They gave each other knowing nods and turned back around to face their tests like they were enemies they were about to fight.   
  
"Leeeet's exam!" Ray said quietly as he grabbed his pencil and twirled it between his fingers before gripping it tightly and beginning to fill out answers like his life depended on it. His pencil danced across the paper as he thought about each question with deep consideration before answering it to the best of his ability.  
  
Michael looked at question 17 and cursed silently, banging his desk as he did. 'It was Robert E. Lee who lead the confederates, right? But what fucking year did that start?'  
  
'The Great Migration?' Caiti tried to channel her memories of world history back home. Migrations were fairly common throughout history, which one involved civil rights? She thought back to lesson about Ellis island and wrote down something like that.  
  
A few sentences here, a bubble filled in there. Lindsay wanted scoff at how easy the exam was, and for a moment wondered why she hadn't sighed up for Advanced Placement American History. She zipped through the packet of questions with ease and she was already thinking of which restaurant she would make the other four treat her and Michael to.   
  
'What is this?! I'm _LOST_!' Gavin ran a hand through his shoulder length hair and thought for a moment, he could practically feel the gears turning in his head. 'Wasn't that the Articles of Confederation? Er no- that one didn't last. Bloody hell.' He gave it his best answer and filled in the small bubble hesitantly.  
  
'Conquistadors...1942...Present day Florida?' Barbara filled in answers, some with certainty some tentatively. She new she'd learned some stuff like this before she moved here, but then again she hadn't anticipated that ever happening so she didn't pay attention that much.  
  
Ray was among the first people to finish his test and turn it in. When he got back to his desk next to the wall he gazed out of the window which over saw a small field used for gym class sometimes. At first he only admired the scenery and nature, the vast trees and tall grass in the distance reminded him of home. Then he looked down and saw some guys playing catch with an American football. Typical, he thought. A bunch of iron pumping protein shake chugging meat heads playing American football, tackling each other and making touchdowns. Ray didn't mind the sport, as a matter of fact he loved to watch in on tv and even play it at the park with friends. But something about the brutish mannerisms of these guys and their obnoxious ways made Ray feel disgust. He noticed that Joel was among them, but his gaze didn't longer on the senior. Because of that, he hadn't seen [that despite his constant scoring and success], how out of place Joel looked with the other jocks.

* * *

 

**The** bell came to life during the final minute of school. It was time to leave and go home, but then he remembered his talk with Joel earlier.  
  
"You ready for gaming club, man?" Ray asked as he walked with Michael.  
  
"No fucking around? Welcome to the club, Ray. You'll like it, there'll be a shit ton of people there." That's what Ray was scared of. He had tons of friends back home but it took a millennia to build up so many relationships and become the life of party among them, to start over in a new country? It'd be hell and this wouldn't be a gradual progression, it would all be dumped on him over the course of 3 hours. Ray knew he was a good friend, outgoing, and one who could make people laugh with a sense of humor exclusive to himself. But he had a shell of timidness that had to be broken down every time he made a new friend.   
  
They'd arrived at room 719 and walked into the room, they were both marveling at how cool it looked and how advanced the room was. The room was painted red with black roosters all over, the school's mascot. There were desks along two walls stocked with computers for PC games, and on one wall there were couches and chairs with camera on one of the tables so it looked like the set of a talk show. In the center of the somewhat large room there were four desks forming a square with even more computers on them.   
  
"You guys made it! How pleasant." Ryan got up from one of the couches and came over to greet them. "Just make yourselves at home, pick any consoles and games you wanna play with and uhhh have fun basically."  
  
"Fucking toppers." Michael looked around for a moment before shrugging. "Where're the consoles? I only see PCs."  
  
"Oh. They're beyond that door over there." Ryan pointed at a white door on the wall across from them. Michael and Ray thanked him before starting for the door and opening up a whole new world. This room was slightly smaller than the first but it was awesome nonetheless. It was painted a light green with darker green streaks majestically flowing on the walls. There was a white couch right next to the door and along two perpendicular walls stood many desks, each one had a computer, tv, xbox and ps3 on it. There were decorations adoring the walls and shelves with many different types of games filling them. It was all beautiful.  
  
"Taken aback I see? Well sit down dickwiddles, you're blocking the door." They turned to see Geoff smiling at them from a desk in the corner. On his screen their seemed to be a game of Peggle going on. They quickly obliged and took two desks across from the gent. Ray rolled over to one of the shelves and looked through a few games before picking up Mortal Kombat and popping it into the xbox. He looked over at Michael who was playing Uncraft Me and smiled, the look obviously saying 'how cool is this?!'   
  
And so for three hours Ray met fellow members, laughed and played with them, and it was great. Becoming friends with these people wouldn't be so difficult after all.  
  
His favorite part of the today's meeting was playing worms with Barbara and another sophomore named Kerry. Both of them sucked, but they were funny and made for good company as Ray dominated every game. Then he played Mouse Trap with Ryan, Jack, and Barbara. Next he and the blonde young lady played Red Dead Redemption, every game Ray played Barbara would follow and vice versa. It was a joyous time for them both because their personalities clicked so well, even if at first they seemed different. They were both sad when the meeting was over but they exchanged numbers and gamer tags so they could continue their adventures.  
  
Inside of the car Michael glanced at Ray who was on his phone and smirked. "Texting Barbara?"  
  
"Neh...well. Yeah, yeah I am." He looked out of the window so Michael couldn't see him blushing. "You texting uh- Gavin?"  
  
"Nice fucking comeback." The New Jerseyan snickered. "Only here for a day and you've found a lovely lady, congrats."  
  
"What? No. Sure she's an awesome girl but I just met her. I'm not sure I'd really like her in that way though."  
  
"I see." Michael said fascinated. "So meet any lovely friends today?"  
  
"Yeah actually. No one from the club sucks, but the only other guys I've seen so far were annoying fucking jocks. 'Derp I play sports I go outside I wear varsity jackets deerrrh'."   
  
Michael laughed for a while at Ray's impression, because it sounded funny, and because it was sadly true. "Those idiots came straight from a goddamned 70's movie. We're like the only school left in the fucking universe that still has 'jocks' and the slutty annoying cheerleaders."  
  
"Yeah I know, right?! They act just like it! On the first day of school I've already seen them push people into lockers, or try to talk some kid out of their lunch money." Ray banged his fist on his lap in anger. "I just...is Geoff, Jack and the others on the basketball team like them?"  
  
"Like Ryan, Caboose, Church, and Matt?" He asked with astonishment. "Neeeehh, not every person who plays sports is an asshole. They're 'one of us'. They hate the jocks and cheerleaders as much as we do."  
  
"I see. Then what's up with Joel- er Caboose- whatever? Why does he...act the way he does?"

Michael didn't take his eyes off of the road as they turned onto their street, but his face contorted in confusion. "The fuck you mean?"

Ray scoffed in disbelieve. "What do you mean 'The fuck you mean?'? How have you not seen it? In metal works class he walked in late as the teacher was talking and sneaks up behind him. Then he did some shit like bunny ears behind the teacher's head, or made silly faces...a bunch of funny shit but it was fucking _weird_. Then you saw how he kept messing with me."

"Oh," He snickered. "you mean when he kept poking you and looking over your shoulder? That's _Caboose,_ man. It's hilarious."

"I'm not really all about it...in the movies that's what jocks and shit do, right?" 

Michael sighed at Ray's ignorance. He was too clueless for someone so smart in school. "In MOVIES...Caboose isn't like that, I assure you. We wouldn't all love him if he were."

Ray got out of the car and follow his brother into the house. "Yeah, sure."

 


	3. AETV and Mother Knows Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sophomores are introduced to AETV, the high school's very own news show on the education channel. The gaming club has it's own segment on the show, and when little Narvaez is asked to be the main speaker for this week's episode, Joel decides to help him out. Later, Ray didn't need to be told twice that high school sweethearts are just a sad joke, but Mama Narvaez never fails to remind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know, this chapter is SHORT. It's meant to be a transition chapter, if you will. Because of this, the next chapter will be longer.

**After** only a week of school things in the club had settled nicely. Everyone had their goto console and staple games they like to play, although no one stayed in the same place forever. Yet every member's niche just established itself. Most of the upperclassmen stuck to the main room where they'd deal with recording things for their segment of the school's news update but of course they'd play video games as well. The vast majority of the sophomores spent their entire time playing video games, sometimes they'd help with the news and talks they did but that really wasn't their thing. Today Ray had just finished destroying Michael in a game of Trials Fusion and was walking over to the shelf to get down Madden 2K14 when a Church came in and called for him.

"Hey, Ray? Could you uh, come help out at here?"

Ray turned around to look at the senior peeking his head in the door. "Sure, man. I mean yolo, right?" He put the case back in it's place and walked into the main room. When he entered, a few people were sitting in the chairs and couch like people on a talk show. Across from them was a camera on a tripod facing towards the door, and Jack was getting it ready for recording. Attached to the camera was a microphone which Church grabbed and gave to him. He looked at the microphone in his hand and then up at Church slightly confused. "Umm, Burnie?"

"Yeah we figured since you're a foreign exchange student and all, if people see how much you're into the club it'll seem cooler and stuff. _Plus_ you've got that sweet accent and American's eat foreign accents up, hell  _I_ eat it up. And REGARDLESS of how much you deny it you've got a charismatic charm that's ideal for this type of thing, no homo." 

"So what do you want me to talk about? Like, any random news I know that's going around in the gaming world?"

He gave him a thumbs up as he sat next to Barbara on one of the couches. "Yeah, and mix in something about other technology, even if it's not necessarily game related."

Ray nodded and turned around to see the red light of the camera beeping and Jack giving him the signal to go. He slightly panicked at the sudden instruction but collected himself just as fast before beginning to speak. "HEY! This is Ray Narvaez with Achievement Teeth East high's video gaming and machinima organization. Welcome to our second episode of the year. Anyway in this week's news...Mortal Kombat X! Don't get too excited it's not coming out until 2015, a long wait yes but it'll be worth the wait." As he spoke Michael and Geoff stood behind him doing rather distracting things. They would hold hand puppets next to Ray's head and mimic his peaking, dance stupidly, or simply stare into the camera with a creepy smile. He'd been told it was just one of the iconic aspects of AETV and he didn't doubt it at all. It was funny and conveyed an idea of unity and happiness among the members of the club. "In Austin, Texas a new arcade, called Clock and Dagger, is being built and will be officially opened on September 3rd, when the weather is predicted to be as dry as my social life." A small chorus of laughter was heard off camera, causing the Puerto Rican young man to smile at his own joke and continue. "Also..." From the small screen of the camera Ray saw the door slowly creak open and Joel's head poked through. "heeeeey it's Joel Heyman! Ladies and lads Joel is the captain of our basketball team and a co founder of our club, got any news for us, Joel?"

Joel slowly walked towards the camera until only his brown eye was visible when one looked through it. "The Walking Dead game is coming out with it's second episode in a few days. Developers say it's gonna be the best one yet." Joel backed away from the camera and abruptly walked off Camera.

"...thanks for that Joel, bet I'm getting it."

"No you're not." Geoff chirped, placing a sticky note on Ray's cheek. "You're gonna get Worms: Battleground which comes out tomorrow."

"Oh really, thanks for your news, too. Geoff Ramsey, everybody." Ray announced like a game show host. "Speaking of tomorrow that's when Game Con is gonna occur, it'll be in Los Angeles, California."

As Ray continued to speak about different events and throwing in a few humorous anecdotes, Joel came back onto camera and pulled the note from Geoff off of Ray's cheek. Only to replaced it with his own hand as he felt Ray's face and poked at it. Occasionally he'd pick up random objects from around the room and rub it against his face which made the lad's glasses become askew. Ray did his best to suppress the huge grin trying to fight it's way onto his now blushing face, but eventually it won . Joel would periodically stop and simply come up with dumb responses to things Ray said.  
  
"Aaaand _FINAL TOPIC OF THE DAY_! Do you guys want in on a little secret?"  
  
"What's the secret, Ray?"  
  
"Rumor has it-"  
  
"Rumors hurt people."  
  
Ray stifled a snicker, which is more than one could say for the rest of them. "Rumor has it the iphone 7 is being developed as we speak!"  
  
"Ohhh no way, dude that's gnarly!" Joel retorted with a surfer accent. Everyone in the room erupted into hysterical laughter at the comment, it was set up so well and interrupted the silence perfectly. Even Ray was struggling to hold still as he went to press the stop recording button and shut the camera off. Part of him didn't want to laugh at the senior's jokes and mannerism, but something within felt warm and content because of it. He blushed as people in the room complimented his performance, comments ranging from _'That was great, Ray.'_ to _'You should do this more often.'_

* * *

**The** laptop resting on Ray's lap came to life with a ringing sound as his WebChatz tab beckoned him to open it. He clicked it and on the screen was a picture of his caller with the phone signal beeping. He clicked it and suddenly his mother's smiling face filled the screen.  
  
"Mama!" Ray exclaimed as his arms shot up like he was cheering.  
  
"Hello darling, it's so nice to hear from you." Her heavy accent felt warm and soothing against his ears. He'd always admired it, because his wasn't as strong as he'd like for it to be. "So how is school?"  
  
"It's great. I've made so many friends already. I've joined a club for video games, and...well yeah that's about it but it's incredible so far."  
  
"Aww really? That's so wonderful, Ray. So many friends so soon, America's really being good to you."  
  
He rubbed the back of his head nervously. "Ehh you know. Guess I'm breaking out of my shell."  
  
"Yes, I see you are." She smiled admirably at her son. "So since you are, have you met...a girlfriend?"  
  
"No. I'm not breaking out that much c'mon now." He chuckled. "But honestly I'm not interested in finding one, I'm not associating with that stuff until further notice."  
  
"I know.. high school romances are inevitable," She replied, practically ignoring his answer. "but it isn't the best idea to become too attached to someone." Her eyes studied his face to ensure she didn't say anything upsetting. "There's always social networking and texting, but you don't know when you'll get the chance to see them in person again. Just...be careful how close you get to people."  
  
"I know, mama, I know. But don't get too excited, because honestly high school romance doesn't exist in my mind. It's all hormones and emotions stupid buttwipes can't understand. Love-nor 'like' is possible until one's old enough...I don't mean to sound so cold, but that's what I believe."  
  


She chuckled and gave him a reassuring smile. "There's nothing wrong with thinking that way, it shows maturity and commitment to more important things...I really miss you, Ray. You've always been mature but you're growing more and more everyday over there, and I'm not there to see it."

"Don't get mushy, Mama." He sighed, his mother could turn him into a big pile of sensitivity and emotion and he really wasn't feeling that at the moment. "I miss you too. But we have webcam. It's not as good as being together in person, but at least I still get to see your face." He grinned into the camera and pressed his hand against the screen of the laptop. "My hand is against the screen." He said softly.

She smiled back and wiped a tear from her face before mimicking Ray's gesture. Although they were miles away from each other, the act almost felt real, as if their hands were truly touching. "So am I. I'm so sorry, darling, but I have to go now. I have to prepare for work, and you should get to bed." 

"I understand." His smile weakened but he forced it to remain on his face. "Bye, Mama, I love you."

"I love you too, Ray, so very much." It pained both of them to do so, but they ended their video chat and his mother's face was replaced by the window he had previously opened. 

Ray slammed the laptop down in anger and buried his face in his pillows. He tried so hard to keep the waterworks at bay, but the lad didn't stand a chance at this point. The first time he got to speak to his mother since he left, and it was short. It was bad enough that they couldn't talk very often because they were both always busy, but  _finally_ he got the chance at it's cut short. He body trembled and shook with as he wept. When he first came to the U.S. he was excited and felt so independent, so grown up. This feeling started to fade, however, when realization came down on him like a giant boulder. He really, really missed his mother. Her voice when she scolded him, how her face beamed with pride when he accomplished something, her arms wrapping around him when he needed sanctuary, and the way the pitch of her voice sky rocketed when she laughed. He missed it all, and through a computer screen it wasn't the same. Throughout this week he'd kept his stoic mentality, but tonight, when he felt like he'd lost her for a second time he couldn't take it anymore. He gave into his sorrow and let it guide him into a fit of sobbing. 

He barely noticed his door open and close as Michael entered and came over to him. "What's wrong, Ray? What happened?" He waited a few minutes to see if he would respond, but when he didn't the New Jerseyan boy opened Ray's laptop and his question was answered. He opened up the WebChatz tab and looked through his video chat history and saw he'd just been talking to his mother only minutes ago. He looked sadly at his brother and began to stroke his back, hoping to comfort him somewhat. "I'm so sorry, Ray."

The Puerto Rican gulped before composing himself enough to speak intelligibly. "I miss her so much, Michael. It's so fucking different without her...I must look like a quivering little bitch right now."

"No you don't, silly." He replied. "You look like Ray Narvaez Junior, an awesome fuck who loves his mother...more than anything else in this world. There's nothing wrong with missing someone, everyone does at some point of their life. It shows that you're human and love someone, and they love you back. I know it hurts, but you'll get used to being here. It's not healthy to keep negative emotions bottled up inside so crying is absolutely acceptable. Goodnight, Ray."

 "T-thanks." He sniffled. "Goodnight." He didn't remember when Michael left his room or when exactly he fell asleep that night, the last thing he remembered was looking out of his window that faced southeast. Somewhere in this direction, many miles away, his mother was thinking of him. Somewhere in this direction she was hoping he was alright, and loving him. He'd muttered the words 'I love you too, Mama.'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't the part with Ray and his mom adorable? I once saw a picture of him with his mom on the internet and they looked so sweet together, and he's mentioned her before in let's plays. I imagine they have a very close relationship. <3


	4. Nothing Happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know, late huh? Please don't hate me, my summer is over and I always have something to do for school. Whether it's homework, studying for classes, or making sure I have enough money to pay for those classes, it's a lot.
> 
> But I shall make it up to you by making the chapters super awesome and some super long. 
> 
> Anyway, here's some Joelay for ya. And thank you for waiting!

The first month of school was long and boring, but after that things started to to by faster. October had arrived in Austin and it was time for the school's fall play. So many people auditioned for The Phantom of the Opera, and the fall play was no game. The casting directors were always seniors who'd excelled in theatre throughout high school and they didn't pick just anyone, they had strict standards. That's why no one was surprised when Joel Heyman got the role of Raoul, a leading male role besides the phantom himself who would be portrayed by Ryan Haywood. Joel had come up to him and congratulated him and made sure he always reminded him that he was the perfect guy for the role.

"You're just really creepy and secretive like the phantom, you do...stuff without others knowing. It's kinda like Jack the Ripper."

"How am I creepy exactly?"

"Remember that time we went on a field trip to the barn in middle school and you deserted the group and you'd lured one of the COWS into a hole? Just you and animals, man." Unable to protest Ryan shrugged his shoulders and laughed. "And you think it's funny! You're something else."

"Shut up. Let's get on out to backstage now, shall we? It's almost our time to go out there so we'll be cued any moment. Let's not be late on the SECOND day of rehearsals." They'd arrived just on time for just moments after they did Ryan got the signal to go out.

"Break a leg, phantom." Joel whispered as he watched Ryan walk into the current scene they were rehearsing, when he takes Daae into his lair.

* * *

 

" _ **Sing**_ once again with me a strange duet! My power over you grows stronger yet..." Every female member of the stage crew stood in awe lovestruck at Ryan's deep booming voice as he sung. "...a glance behind. The phantom of the opera is there, inside your mind." Everyone, in fact, was captivated by it. Every dynamic change, whether from piano to fortissimo or mezzo forte to pianissimo was executed perfectly. Crescendos full of scale changes and beautiful tones, and on the second day of rehearsals no less! When the song was over everyone cheered and congratulated Ryan and Kara, who'd gotten the role of Christine Daae.

"Lord can you _SANG_ , Ryan. Let the church say amen." Joel chirped. "Why am I just now learning this?"

"Eh, it's not something I do much, but I love the Phantom of the Opera so I felt obligated to audition. You were astonishing yourself, Caboose." He said patting Joel on the back. "Especially in the 'all I ask of you' scene, your singing never fails to impress me...it was a bit weird though, how touchy you and Kara-"

"That was her!" He snapped and caused the gent to go wide eyed. "She made the hug last longer than scripted, she tried to do the kiss when we haven't been instructed to do that part yet, _she_ stepped forward when she should've stepped back." The senior sat down on a bench back stage and massaged his temples with his finger tips. "I'm fucked...I'm completely fucked now."

Ryan sat down next to him and tried to be a voice of reason. "What do you mean?"

"This next month is gonna suck HARD, is what I mean. She's gonna keep doing that crap and it's just...argh!"

"You just have to overlook it, she's the last thing that should be on your mind. Take note of everything you have. You're a leading role in THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, you're a varsity captain, you have amazing friends...and I guess, according to females, you're...not ugly looking." Ryan chuckled before adding, "Emphasize on according to females."

A smile fought it's way onto Joel's face, the mad king had a pretty good point. "Yeah. Yeah I've got lots of wonderful friends, 'specially comforting ones like you. It's too bad you're not this comforting to animals, though."

"Fuck off."

"Likewise, pal." They continued to talk about their excitement and expectations for the play. They predicted the success of the play, who the strongest actors and actresses would be, and how many people would attend. As the stage crew and actors began leaving to go home one of them changed their course to stand in front of Joel, a certain blonde actress smiling too big at him.

"Joooeel." Kara chirped. "Walk me to my car?" Ryan got up from his spot next to Joel and started towards the door, stifling a smile the entire way out. Joel was pretended to not notice her question and simply scrolled aimlessly through his phone. Doing nothing in particular, just something to make him seem occupied. He kept this up for about 20 seconds before Kara said something again. "Joel!"

"W-what huh?"

"I'm talking to you!"

"Oh yeah? I didn't see ya there," he lied. "you just kinda blend in with the surroundings."

"...anyways, walk me to my car."

"No can do, I've gotta go see Ray, we've got a project to work on. Like now. See you later though." He stood up to leave and turned towards the door but he was grabbed from behind and forced to face Kara. "Fuck, you're stronger than you look."

She stomped her foot and pouted. "Quit being an ass, you like barely spend time with me."

"Should I?" "Duh! Now you're coming with me." The blonde tried to pull him towards the door and her grip was tighter then necessary. Joel snatched his hand away and ran in the other direction, leaping off of the stage and running down a path out of the auditorium. He wouldn't slow down until he saw the thick metal doors of the gym. 

* * *

 

"Hey Church?" He looked up briefly from his tablet to give him a greeting smile.

"Sup, Caboose? You look upset."

"I just had an encounter with Kara-"

"Oh yeah? She musta been flirting with you, it has to happen like everyday." He replied as a matter-of-factly, wiping his sweaty forehead with his jersey.

Joel shook his head in confusion. "Huh?"

"I'm just saying you're a good looking dude and this is what happens to good looking dudes. Not that I'd know but-"

"No, just listen I-"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I know you're not _actually_ good looking. It's just you're a sports captain and that'll take you far. Plus you get lead roles in plays and then that stupid ass messy hairstyle girls seem to like-"

"No, no just hear me out!" Joel ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "She won't leave me the fuck alone. It's a nightmare." His voice got quieter. "We still have about a month of practice till opening night...it's a nightmare."

"Yeah you kinda said 'it's a nightmare' twice." Joel rolled his eyes and scoffed at the best 'advice' his friend seemed to care to give. When Burnie glanced up and saw his friends look of distress he sighed and took on a better advisor's role. "Look Joel, Kara's been on you since this summer."

"Yeah when everyone found out I'd be team captain this summer." He said sourly. "That's the only god damned reason."

Burnie tried to keep his voice calm and reassuring "You don't know that."

"Yeah I do."

"No... no you don't know what you're talking about. Anyway Kara's like one of the most attractive looking girls in this school, according to other guys. You guys could turn out to be a kick ass couple, why won't you even give her a chance?"

Joel sighed and tried to think of an answer. As he pondered he heard the metal doors of the gym creak and a group of his friends came walking in. Among them was Ray, and the answer hit him light a thunder bolt from the heavens.

"When I look at Kara...nothing happens."

Burnie shot him a confused look. "What's supposed to happen when you look at her?" He looked over at Ray once more, adoring the way his eyes squint when he laughs.

"I...I-I don't even know. All I know is, I can tell if it's happening or not, and with her it doesn't. I have confidence in saying it never could."

Burnie patted him on the back. "Well, when it does happen, with anyone," He smiled warmly. "let me know. Don't let her get to you, you have things that are actually worthwhile to concern yourself with.

"Thank you. Now let's quit moping around, everyone awaits."

"Well actually it's only you moping, but sure let's go." His timing was just off by a smidgen. It was time for cheerleading practice to begin this afternoon and they all came filing in. Their high pitched prissy voices were like knives in Burnie and Joel's ears.

"Um yeah seriously let's get the hell out of here." Joel had gotten up to walk with him towards his friends but a small arm wrapped around his and pulled him back.

 

Ray tugged Matt's sleeve and pointed "Hey uh, Sarge, why's that girl riding Joel's dick right now?"

"Who the redhead? Oh yeah, that's Destie Chanders. She's the cheer captain for varsity."

"Are they fucking married? Jesus Christ are Americans teens always so touchy in public?"

"Actually...yes." He had to admit. "Yes they are."

"Oh yeah, shoulda known." Ray looked across the gym at the redheaded girl holding Joel's hands and scowled in utter disgust. He was by no means a prude person, but he didn't condone what he considered Joel being such a flirt. It reminded him of why he didn't want to date in high school: Joel would be all over this girl now, then the moment he left the gym there'd be a new one. That was how easily a person, guy or gal, could shuffle through people, claim they truly have feelings for them, and then leave them high and dry. "Is that one if Joel's many girlfriends?" He asked Matt.

"No...he broke up with Tamilla Schmidt over the summer and hasn't had a girlfriend since, by some strange miracle. I haven't seen him go so long without a girlfriend."

"Maybe he's sick of having so many."

"I fuckin' hope so, he's had more of those than a dead person has maggots crawling through their head. I mean we're high schoolers, we're young, we should go around and see who we like before we're tied down by a ring and children, as I do quiet a lot. But damn, Joel's sure seen who he likes a LOT."

"Jesus Christ, how many girls has he dated?"

"Umm. Like 20ish?"

He shrugged, surprised by what seemed like a low number. "Throughout his life? That's not terrible."

"Throughout high school, when relationships are actually relationships."

"Fuck. Player much or bad luck much?"

"Dunno. Just never stuck with a girl for too long, and it was like he just couldn't bare to be single. That's why I'm shocked he hasn't gotten one yet."

"That ginger might be his next one." Why Ray was so bothered by it...he didn't know himself. He knew he felt more dismay than what was necessary, but dammit the young man just couldn't help it. It was sickening how she occasionally touched his arm and laughed too hard at his jokes. It was sickening how broadly Joel grinned at her as they spoke. It was sickening how his fingers playfully raked through her orange locks and brought about more laughter out of the both of them. It was sickening how he wrapped his arms around her waist and she stood on her tippy toes to plant a kiss on his cheek. "Fuck."

"Why all the fucks?"

"Joel and I need to practice for a speech in French class, aaaand this speech is a group assignment so he needs to get his hands off her and on his papers." He stepped out of the bleachers and strides towards the two seniors, expecting to just tell Joel to come on and he'd followed. When he got up to them the girl scowled and Joel smiled, but pulling him away proved to be the opposite of what he'd anticipated.

"Joel, we need to work on that speech we have for French class."

His eyes widen as if he'd forgotten about it and he nodded. "Oh yeah! Sure"

"Caboose," Destie interrupted, holding Joel's arm to stop him from walking any closer to the lad. "remember that thing...?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

He cursed under his breath and frowned. "Fuck. Sorry, Ray, I can't today. I have to go somewhere."

He cocked an eyebrow at how the older said 'somewhere', but didn't dwell on it. "Could you memorize a five page script in ENGLISH in three days?"

"Probably not."

"Then you can't in French. Please," he grumbled as though it hurt him to say. "we can just sit in the gym and work on it, I've got the papers in my backpack."

"Caboose says he doesn't wanna nerd out with you. He's a bit busy hanging out with me, as a matter of fact we should be going now."

"If 'Caboose' values his grades and isn't a selfish bastard he doesn't want to," he looked at the senior with hopeful eyes. "does he?"

"I'm just gonna go with Destie." He answered as a matter of factly."I have somewhere to be and it's gonna be a pain if I don't go."

"We have to practice together to be successful with this."

Destie rolled her eyes and then frowned at the Puerto Rican. "He can study for your class later, can you not hear? He's taking me out."

"Tough shit," Ray snapped. "Joel will literally not practice his parts at all unless I'm around to make him, and even if he did he has to know when to say which lines."

"And?"

"And he won't unless he hears what I say first. You can go out on your date whenever you want, we have to present these scripts in three days, whether we want to or not. I'm sure your hormones can wait so fuck off, comprendo?"

"You're bat-shit crazy about a little assignment."

"That is worth 20 percent of our grade, I can't afford to get a bad grade on this shit, and I won't just because Joel wants to go out with some girl."

"I'm going out with Destie, get over okay? We will be FINE, we can work on it tomorrow."

"We'll fail. Do you not get that?"

"I knew you were a nerd, but Christ..." Joel rolled his eyes now and he looked over at Destie and laughed, they smiled at each other and then at Ray as if he were a small child doing something foolish. "sorry, but I really can't today, we can tomorrow." Suddenly pretending to feel sick Ray marched away red faced and asked if he and Michael could go home. He happily obliged, but wondered why Ray seemed so different all of a sudden. He knew that wasn't sickness's fault, but he decided not to question it.

* * *

 

As soon as they got home Ray went up to his room to sulk, ignoring Michael's calling out to him. He'd gotten pretty sick of seeing girls all over Joel ALL the time, it was disgusting. Why so many, or any at all? Why wasn't he THAT friendly towards the others, why not towards him? The lad stared at his ceiling and wondered these things and more, but thoughts of the assignment were less prevalent, they were covered by thoughts of Destie and the 'something' she and Joel had to do. What could the thing be? he wondered, and was it something he did with all the girls he know, or..? This had been going for hours until his phone broke the silence. 'Joel' was in the text ID spot, which made Ray's heart lurch. Hesitantly he typed in his unlock password and read the text.

Joel: Wake up. Are you ok?

Ray: What?

Joel: I called Michael to ask why you two left earlier and he said you were sick and went to bed early. So I texted you to see how you were.

Ray felt something within him grow warmer, happier. Joel was concerned about him?

Ray: I feel better, thanks.

Joel: You're welcome. :D

Joel: Are you upset?

Ray: No why would you think that?

Joel: Because I would be if I were you. I feel bad...call me?

Ray: Probably not.

Not even two minutes went by and Ray's phone was singing its ringtone. As though his mind had shut down and his heart had took the wheel, he clicked the answer button in spite of his better judgement.

"I'm a horrible partner, I should have been more mature and started the project with you."

"Then why didn't you? Is the girl that important to you?" He hoped he didn't sound as desperate to know that as he felt. His heart rate sky rocketed and didn't return to normal until he got an answer.

"I don't consider Destie anyone important, hardly above acquaintance to be frank. I'm not even hanging out with her, we just happened to be going to the same party and I drove her." Ray furrowed his eyebrows a little, 'just like a jock to pick partying over school'. Despite his self downgrading jokes, he was fairly social and enjoyed going out and celebrating with people. It didn't hold a candle to video games, however, and was only slightly less important than school. Still he was taking this assignment seriously and he was annoyed that Joel hadn't.

"So where are you now?"

"Still at the party, I've just hidden in one of the bedrooms upstairs for the moment."

"Oh." He said slightly disappointed, if he regretted going to the party why not leave? "Are you...enjoying it?"

"Fuck yeah..! Or uh- well I mean- I'd like studying with YOU better, of course, hehe."

"I'm sure you would." He and Joel continued to converse but it soon became the least important thing in his mind. Ray recalled it over and over again, his feelings and what had happened today, and felt stupid. Hugging wasn't wrong. She DID kiss him and it was only on the cheek, even if Joel had initiated the kiss and it were on the lips it wasn't Ray's business. He felt like an idiot, he knew he should've been happy to see Joel having a good time with others and accept that he had friends outside of gaming club, but petty emotions had gotten the best of him. So upset over a little touching, his anger was in vain and childish. He felt like he needed fresh air at that point as it'd become hard to breathe indoors. He went outside on the back patio to sit on the swing bench, and contemplated ways he could apologize to Joel.

"So..." Joel said.

"Yeah?"

"What're you doing right now?"

"Out on my back patio, why?" Joel had hung up and left him in silence. 10 minutes later his question was answered. He heard the back fence being opened and feet crunching on the grass below. Under the moonlit sky the tall figure appeared to be one of Michael's brothers once again sneaking into the house through back door, and it was then Ray recalled he didn't even have his glasses on. He really had no clue who it was until his face reached the domain of the patio lights. The lad sat back down, no longer alert and sighed in relief. "Joel?"

"Helloooo." He chirped, cheerful as usual. "Sorry to drop by so late but I've come to be your knight in shining armor." He looked down at his phone and saw it was indeed sort of late for visitors, 10:30 pm.

"What do you mean?"

"You seemed distressed about Destie and I, so I thought I should explain. Plus I've come bearing gifts." As he said this he handed a white box to Ray and sat on the bench next to him. He looked at the older boy next to him with questioning look, to which he reacted by nodded and pointing at the cardboard box. Ray opened it and saw 12 chocolate donuts whose rainbow sprinkles were just visible through his naked eyes.

"No, you don't have to explain." He was grateful for the darkness, otherwise Joel may have seen that he was blushing. Was he jealous or just annoyed? If he was annoyed, was he really that obsessive over school? If it was jealously, could Joel tell, and why would he be jealous in the first place?

"I just want you to know that-"

"It's not my concern if your friends with someone, I shouldn't expect you to be friends with just people from the group. You're the most popular guy in school, you're bound to have many girls-people in general who adore you...I'm not the only one. I was being a bitch over something so petty and I'm sorry."

"Aww." Joel wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer. "Don't be sorry, I should have realized the importance of our assignment. I wasted hours we coulda been using to study, for something not so important." Joel chuckled softly and looked up at the dark blue sky.

"Seriously, I really want you to know that she is only an acquaintance to me, even if I'm more to her." It felt like a burden on Ray's small chest had just blown away, but he only reveled in the splendid feeling for a moment.

"Really? You have so many girls who like you, don't you have feelings for any of them?" He tried to ask this question as someone who was simply curious, but feared he sounded nosier than he intended to. "Just wondering."

"Naw, none of them do it for me, they don't take my breath away or appeal to me. I've had a few relationships I really enjoyed, but I guess I just haven't found the right one, you know I used to always have a girlfriend. I was quite the Casanova."

"I didn't know," he fibbed. "but I can't say I'm surprised."

The older boy sat up and shot Ray a mock indignant look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Shit well it's no secret that-uh..." He held his breath as the senior cupped his cheeks with his hands and forced Ray to look up at him. "what is it?"

After a moment of silence Joel grinned at the lad and moved one of his hands up, running his fingers through his dark curls. "Your eyes look nice, they're so dark yet they glow. They're beautiful, actually."

"Thank you." He was suddenly perked up by the compliment and blushing even more. "So um..."

"Do you really adore me?"

"Huh?"

"You said, 'blah blah blah yadda yadda people who adore you, I'm not the only one.' So that implies you adore me."

"Nope."

"Yeah you do."

"Naaaw pretty sure I don't."

He almost laughed at the sudden change in the older boy's face, who seemed slightly unhappy by the answer. "Oh? Why not?"

"Remember that French assignment we had? I sorta wanted to work on that earlier and you didn't." He stuck out his tongue playfully. "That's why."

Joel sighed and lowered his had with shame. He really wanted to be there, to be with Ray, but he had other things to attend to, he just COULDN'T have missed them. He wrapped his arms around the Puerto Rican and leaned to the right so that his head rested on top of the younger's, more to comfort himself. "I know, I know," He squeezed the lad before sitting back up, yet he kept one arm on Ray's shoulder. "I had something to take care of."

"What is 'something'?"

"Stuff. It's grown folks business, don't worry about it."

"Fine. I'm too tired to give a fuck right now anyway." Ray snuggled closer to him and rested his head on his shoulder, and he shivered when he felt Joel's strong arm hold him tighter but quickly warmed up to the touch. "Thanks for the donuts, donut."

"You're welcome, but must you always call me that?" Ray scoffed with sarcastic annoyance.

"Remember that one time we went and got a dozen donuts and you ended up eating them all by yourself? Greedy fuck."

"See now that's why I bought these over, another failed attempted to make you forget about that shit. What will it take?"

"Get me some Taco Bell tomorrow?"

"Deal. But I've already done so much, I feel I deserve a reward in return."

"'Deserve something in return...'" Ray repeated, as though he had to hear it once more to confirm he'd heard the right thing. "

I do!"

"Like hell you do. You still owe me for ditching me...and what might that be exactly? Assuming I were to agree to this?"

"Hangout with me at my house tomorrow after school. Just the two of us."

Ray pondered this for a short moment before answering. "Being in the presence of Ray Narvaez is no reward," he joked. "but sure, it's a deal. I'm going to regret this, but yolo right?" Joel laughed at the lad's little joke. Not because it was funny, but because it was absolutely untrue. Being around Ray was a huge reward for him, a privilege that he cherished very much. In that case, Joel thought, perhaps it was funny then, because he wasn't that close to him. They've went a few places together and hung out a few times because of mutual friends, but one on one, vis á vis? That was a whole new story, one he couldn't wait to see unfold.


	5. I Just Wanna Know Ya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 1000 views! WOO WOO! Thank you lovely people, thank you for continuing to read my fics even when I'm a loser and don't update as much as I used too. 
> 
> This chapter isn't too interesting, it's more like a filler but it's cute nonetheless.
> 
> So anyway, enjoy some Joelay. I think this chapter is longer than most, I'm gonna try and make them longer in the future.

The school day couldn't have passed quicker for Joel if it tried, and it certainly didn't. Every class was a millennium, every minute of rehearsal for the play a century, and when he was finally free to get Ray it felt like a lifetime had passed. He'd found Ray where he promised he'd be waiting: sitting outside of the auditorium against a wall. It'd sort of made Joel unhappy because he wanted the Puerto Rican to see him in his domain: the theatre. He wanted him to see how talented he was, under a spotlight, singing beautifully, and in his brightest hours. So when they were inside his truck the burning question was released.  
  
"You know you coulda waited inside of the auditorium for me, why were you outside on the floor?"  
  
Ray scoffed and turned to smirk at the senior, whose eyes remained on the road. "And watch Kara play Christine Daae? Not a chance." He wasn't willing to admit it, but the reason simply was he didn't take to kindly to the idea of Joel and Kara kissing and holding each other as they sung. He wasn't sure why, it was just very unappealing to him and he'd rather it not happen at all.  
  
"So you like the Phantom of the Opera huh?"  
  
He nodded and smiled happily. "Yuppers. I've seen the old silent film, read the book, and the newer movie."  
  
"I can't bring myself to believe that without feeling some level of...doubt."  
  
"Oh yeah? Why's that?"  
  
Joel snickered as they turned left at an intersection. "Oh ummm, just cuz silent films and books require...reading. Sure it wasn't one of your favorite coloring books or something?"  
  
"Shut the fuck up," Ray laughed. "what a hypocritical thing to say, when's the last time you read any of the books I recommended to you? Or did you ever?"  
  
"Yeah I read Game of Thrones, Carrie, The Paperwick Chronicles, and even that weird ass Manga. I haven't started Frankenstein yet but I certainly will...if you like it, it's worth trying."  
  
As they exited the car the lad made a sarcastic 'aw'ing sound and placed a hand over his chest as though he were flattered.   
  
  
 **In** spite of having been there a few times already being in Joel's house always made Ray feel a bit dizzy for the first few minutes he was in it, somewhat disoriented. It may have been the faint smell of scented pine cones tickling his nose, or the red and white decor so different from most houses he'd seen, so elegant. It could have been the fact that HE was in the house of Joel Heyman and it was only them. And that was a rare occurrence, because most people who treaded these plush carpets were in the presence of others at a party or group hangout session, or his family was Atleast there as well. To be in the house with no one else seemed like the golden ticket times four, an opportunity that's been persevered for him and he enjoyed it. When asked what he wanted to do first, Joel suggested they do something other than video game playing for once. Ray was up for that but they were disagreements on what 'that' would be.  
  
"No fucking way." Ray said putting a box of cake mix back into the cabinet.   
  
"There ain't nothin' wrong with a man bakin' him some cake, don't make 'em no less of a man."   
  
"Yeah it does, but besides it being for pansies... of all things to bake, a cake? Absolutely not. You may do it if you please but count me out, I'm going cakeless."  
  
Joel sighed and leaned against one of the counters, thinking of something else they could do. He felt panicked, a rod in his chest. He always tried too hard to make sure Ray was entertained at his house, the thought of him being bored and not enjoying spending time with him made the senior ill. "Then how about...umm, hmm. Fuck I dunno." He scratched his head as his mind tried to think of things too quickly, hoping to save himself; he felt like he'd already ruined this date, or what he wished was a date.  
  
"Well, we can just be nerds and study together if you want, we do have that speech in French class in a few days and I wanna at least not fail."  
  
"Sure." He shrugged, "Might as well. Seeing as my parents are gone, so my mom isn't here to keep people out of my room, let's study in there."  
  
  
When Joel opened the door he stood next to it and beckoned to it, as though presenting a prize from behind a curtain. "Welcome to 'roome le Jóele'. It's an absolute pigsty, this is why my mom doesn't let people come in it."  
  
"I don't blame her," he grimaced at paper plates and old school papers that'd accumulated in several places. "I can not work under these circumstances. We will clean and then study, kay?"  
  
Joel gasped and ran over to Ray and grasped his shoulders, shaking him lightly. " _Wooooah_. Woah ho ho hoo woah woah woah. Woah. Ray you see these hands on your shoulders right now? They haven't cleaned since they were _born_ , and they aren't going to start now."  
  
"Then how is your room not a disgusting landfill? It's filthy but NOT that much so."  
  
"My mom will eventually clean it, she's such a neat freak she can't bare living with it too long. Or sometimes my sister will clean it in exchange for candy and money."  
  
Ray laughed, despite disapproving of it he found it a bit amusing. "You're fucking awful."   
  
"I give her stuff for it! It's not like I just force her to do it and whatever." He defended, as if he truly saw no fault in his actions.  
  
"But she's a little girl. Therefore you should be neater. Look," Ray sat a clothes hamper upright and picked up a few pieces of clothing, ready to drop them in. "I'll show you it's not that terrible. I'll help you."  
  
"Throughout this year you'll see that we Americans have a talent for having others do things for us if- no _when_ we're too lazy...which is like, always, so if you clean it while I watch that'll be great."  
  
"Sooo, you _wouldn't_ be willing to help clean your own room? And you'd just have me do it aaall by my little self?"  
  
Joel nodded as he pretended to observe his fingernails. "Pretty much."  
  
"Ohh I see," Ray nodded with understanding and dropped the clothes. He put his hands in his pockets and looked down solemnly, walking slowly towards the door. "I guess I'll just have to go then." When Joel simply crossed his arms and looked away from him he kept on. "Since I can't study under these conditions, just gotta do it at home...all alone in my room with no one...no one to help me with this stupid language. Oh well." He sighed with mock sadness. "Maybe I'll at least get a D PLUS on that speech...that loooong speech I was gonna right about Joel."  
  
"Me?"  
  
"That speech woulda been so sweet and long...like my dick. But, I can't do it without my partner...I suppose failing and getting deported won't be so bad."  
  
He was nearly tempted to look back to see how close he was to the door. "No you wouldn't."  
  
"And all because Joel won't pick up a lil mess." He sighed again, only deeper and more dramatic. "I guess completely and utterly bombing this entire project because of him won't be too terrible."  
  
"Fine, okay, whatever I'll clean." Joel huffed in defeat and pouted at the Puerto Rican as he turned away from the door and smiled with satisfaction. Something about the lad's smile always made Joel's heart tremble and then explode with emotion, as if it were a machine and the machine had suffered a beauty overload. And that's what he saw in Ray. Beauty. It exceeded his physical appearance and went on to his very soul, a humble, loyal, and honest soul with a heart of gold. There was so much about Ray that Joel admired, Ray was someone he desired to be more like, and he was reminded of all of this just by his smile. "You've got a nice smile."  
  
"Do I now? What's so nice about it?"  
  
"Well, besides the way it pushes your cheeks up and causes your eyes to get narrower, I can see your feelings through it, I can see the reason you're smiling."  
  
He nodded as if impressed and used his thumb and pointer finger to stroke his chin. "Go on..."  
  
"You have a certain smile for when you're around friends you really care about, it's a warm, wide smile, and it's probably the most genuine of them all. Then there's that more childlike smile when you're taking a silly picture or getting a kick out of someone's mishaps. But my favorite one of them all is the first one you ever made because me: that day you were talking on AETV and I kept making your glasses go crooked, you made this strange smile as you tried to hold in your laughter. It was so funny and you looked so happy."  
  
"Ah, well your weirdness does amuse me, so I was pretty happy."  
  
"Aw, I make you happy." He sung.  
  
"Yeah well, don't get too excited." Ray picked up the clothes from earlier and dropped them into the clothes hamper. "A lot of people make me happy."  
  
Joel scoffed as he pressed down on his knees and forced himself to stand up, walking reluctantly towards a pile of papers. He stared at them, building up the will the pick some up and throw them away. It was no difficult task, just pick them up and toss them into a trash bag, simple. But it wasn't so simple for the young man, something in him made it feel like rocket science. "I...I don't think I can do this."  
  
"What? Allow me to demonstrate."  
  
"No! No." He said more softly. "They can stay." He stepped to the right slightly to stand in front of the stack of papers as if guarding it from Ray.  
  
"You don't have some secret hoarding problem, do you?"  
  
"No...but can we do this later? I will help you later on, but now my sister is due home in a few minutes and I always go up to the corner of street to get her when she gets off the bus." Joel turned towards the exit and began to leave.  
  
Ray followed him out of the room and down the stairs. "Why doesn't it drop her off in front of the house?"  
  
"Uh..." Joel pointed to the right. "because of that? It'd be hell for a bus to try and turn around in a cul de sac, so at the corner of the street is as far as it can go." The two started up the street and Joel continued to tell Ray about his sister, it was clear to him that he was very close to his sister. "She can speak out of turn sometimes but she doesn't mean any harm by it, she's got a good heart and sometimes it feels like her wisdom exceeds mine by a long shot."  
  
"I imagine any child's would...oh look the bus!" Ray said before Joel could reply to his insult. The yellow bus stopped on the corner and opened it's doors, a few seconds later children between the ages of 5 and 10 either jumped or walked out and went to their various homes. He wondered which one would be Joel's sister.   
  
"Where's she?" He ran for the bus and climbed the steps, from the lads perspective he seemed to be talking to the bus driver before. He exited the bus with a slightly annoyed look on his face and came to him. "She wasn't on the bus, she musta stayed after school or something.  
  
"Does she participate in any sorta clubs?"  
  
"Yeah, she's in a ballet club, but I guess I forgot they meet today. Oh well," he shrugged. "we have about an hour before we have to go get her."  
  
They began to walk back down the street, and it was one of the strangest experiences Ray ever had with the senior. "Joel stop it. Stop." He giggled as he dodged the grabbing hands.   
  
"I just wanna feel your hair."  
  
"Argh, you're fucking pulling it. Get away from me." He hated that he was grinning the entire he said this as it clearly made him hard to take seriously. This continued until they reached the house and got inside, and even when they went into the living room. "Okay." Ray groaned in defeat. "Feel my hair."  
  
A look of confusion overtook his face. "Why would I do that?"  
  
"Oh uh maybe because that's what you claim to have been trying to do?"  
  
"Well I was just trying to irritate you then, but now...now I wanna speak to you."  
  
A quizzical smile grew on his face, that was the last thing he imagined the other boy saying, but he was pleased nonetheless. He wanted to speak to Joel as well. He felt like there was a brick wall between them with only a bricks missing, and he wanted to break it down in it's entirety. He felt like there was a broken bridge separating them, and he wanted fixed badly, so he could know this boy he already should.   
  
"Uhh okay, let's speak." He sat on one of the couches facing the coffee table, and Joel sat in the one across from him. As soon as he was seated he began to speak.  
  
"So, why did you decide to be a foreign exchange student?"  
  
"I guess...because I wanted to see what it was like here, see if it's as awesome and beautiful as I'd heard. I'm hoping it's an ideal place to live, so I came to see if it is."  
  
"What do you think so far?"  
  
"It's pretty kick ass, there's lots to do and...these features. But over the summer, around the time I first came here, my host family and I went to New York City, THAT is where I must go again! There's all these tall buildings close together with bright lights and attractions. Gorgeous hotels, restaurants, people of all kinds walking around, and the arcades!"  
  
"Heh, of course you'd love the arcades. Have you been to Yellowstone park?"  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Seriously?" He scoffed in disbelieve. "You can't goto New York fuckin' City and not goto Yellowstone park."  
  
"Well, I did. Next question."  
  
"Hmm...why did you decide to take French?"  
  
"I didn't," he replied sourly. "I sighed up for Spanish so I could have an easy blow off class, but I got stuck in French. I would love to be in some other class, I hate it."  
  
"But you wouldn't have any classes with me without it, are you willing to leave me behind for some other class?"  
  
Ray glanced up at the ceiling and then looked towards the door to avoid eye contact, slightly taken aback by the question. He was willing to take the most boring class he could find as long as Joel was there with him, although he dared not say it. "Yyyes, I stay in terrible classes for no one."  
  
"Dick. Okay, now ask me some things."  
  
"Alright, how about...tell me about the best relationship you ever had."  
  
Joel chewed on his tongue as he thought, but quickly decided that if he had any relationship good enough to be the best one, he would have already thought of it. "If I had to say...god, I guess the time I dated Tex Zuelch. I was a freshman and she was too despite being a bit older, but being the mature young man that I was-"  
  
"What the fuck ever." He snorted incredulously.  
  
"...being the MATURE young man that I was," Joel repeated. "we clicked instantly and we had a special bond. It was like we were together before we even met or something. She was intellectual, wise, and beautiful, and she used to be in these little...Machinima skits with me."  
  
"You mean like using video games to make films?"  
  
"That's it," he smiled as he recalled his former favorite pass time. "doing those things together brought Tex and I closer and at some point we began to date, best year and a half of my life. We did everything together, from lying in a hammock looking up at the night sky to even going outta town. Everything." He repeated. "Sometimes, I wish she were still around. She was so damn smart she got to graduate last year."  
  
Ray smiled back with genuine interest. "So you dated her for sometime your sophomore year? That's pretty remarkable I will admit." His slightly sarcastic tone may have suggested otherwise, but he was indeed impressed by that. To think a couple could survive that long in high school.  
  
"Yup, but eventually she moved on, said she needed to be with an older man. I wasn't mad or anything, because I couldn't blame her, she was mentally an adult and I wasn't. Hmm... still wouldn't have minded us staying together."  
  
He saw the look of sadness shroud Joel's face and wanted to help. To tell him Tex probably still liked him, but he was simply too young, to tell him he was the kind of person a girl would love to have. "It sounds like it was a great relationship, between two great people. With a smaller...maturity gap things would have been better, this doesn't mean she didn't still like you, as amazing as you are."  
  
"Thank you." He replied quietly. "Now you."  
  
The Puerto Rican titled his head to the side in confusion. "Huh?"  
  
"Your best relationship, tell me about it."  
  
"Oh. All of my relationships ended...not so well, but the one I enjoyed while it lasted the most was the time I was with a girl named Courtney. She was very sweet and very beautiful, and I thought I loved her."  
  
"Thought? As in you don't now?"  
  
"Nooo. I believe that, under MOST but not ALL circumstances, a teenager knowing what love is is a big ass joke, let alone it actually being love. All of my relationships ended in that person realizing they didn't really have feelings for me, as many relationships between people in our age group do. It's all hormones and false interpretations of feelings."  
  
"That is true to an extent but..." He trailed off.  
  
"But what?"  
  
 _'But everyone has bad relationships. But you can get better, you deserve better, Ray. If I had someone like you, I'd treat that person right. You're an amazing soul, things will go right for you'_ So many things he wanted to tell the lad, so many things he was too scared to say. He feared that Ray would think it weird of him to say, and he feared scaring the boy away just as much, so instead he said, "that's true, relationships are hard nowadays."  
  
"Neh, I'm not really fond of remembering her."  
  
"Fair enough, then tell me about...your second best relationship."  
  
"I have none, really. The rest were shit"  
  
"Bullshit. Whether you hate her now or not, you must have another relationship you enjoyed a fair amount."  
  
"I literally do not, but there was this romantic interest thing I had going on. We never dated, but at the time I would have loved for us to. There were just a few things stopping that from happening."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"First thing, it would've been long distance. Like a long distance," he chuckled. "second off, this person wasn't sure they were ready to commit to it."  
  
"Why not? Tell me about this person."  
  
Instead of speaking Ray pulled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through a few things, clicked a few things, and then handed it to Joel. It was a picture that seemed to have been taken awhile ago, as Ray seemed fairly younger in it. Judging by the strange red buses and the flag on Ray's shirt, he was somewhere in England. In the picture he had his arms around around the waist of a young man who appeared to be slightly older than Ray, no more than a year. The young man had one arms over Ray's shoulders and the other extended out, which indicated he was the one holding the phone and taking the picture. The first thing that stood out to Joel about the boy was his thick bushy eyebrows. They were a dark brown, nearly black, just like his short cut hair and pretty eyes. He had a bit of stubble and he appears to be fairly muscular, overall he was quite attractive.   
  
"His name is Dan." He finally said. "And I met him in the UK two summers ago. My mom and I had went there for vacation and I happened to see him at this..." He snapped his fingers as though trying to remember something. "I don't know what it was called, but it was a science fair type thing people could come to. Him and some other guy did this thing where Dan shot several types of guns submerged in a pool, and the other dude filmed it. Then they broadcasted on this huge screen in the building, it was amazing."  
  
"Dudes _our_ age did that? That's amazing."  
  
"Yeah," he smiled in fond remembrance. "I never saw the other guy's face, he coulda been older but who knows. Anyway, I remember going up to Dan and telling him how much I loved it, and from then on we were really close."  
  
"And then you fell for him."   
  
"I did. Best summer romance ever. The distance woulda been a pain in the ass but we were still willing to try it, the main problem was he wasn't sure if was truly not straight. Sometimes he said he was bisexual, others he was gay, he never figured it out so we never actually dated."  
  
"That's a cute story, your romance I mean. He may not have been sure of his feelings then but I'd bet he woulda been all over you if he was."  
  
The lad gave a small smile and nodded. "Thanks, I'd hope so."  
  
"Cheer up."   
  
At the sound of a couch creaking and Joel's footsteps he looked up with a bit of surprise. "I am cheerful, stupid."  
  
Despite that response Joel still continued towards him until he was standing in front of him and bent forward so that they were face to face, so close the scent of his minty gum tickled Ray's nose. He placed his hands on each of the younger's cheeks and rubbed small circles into them with his thumbs, ever so gently. "I'm not convinced, we're suppose to be happy right now, okay? So be happy."  
  
"Talking about these kind of things don't make it so easy, but I am." He smiled to try and convince him.  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Yes. I promise. Now let me go." He shook his head slightly to get the seniors hands away, which, much to his surprise, actually worked. "Besides, it's been an hour. About time to pick up your sister isn't it?"  
  
"Fuck!" Joel looked at his phone and saw that was right. He started of towards the front door and quickly opened it. "C'mon! We're gonna be late, damn it I'm so dumb."  
  
Ray followed close behind and quickly slipped into the passenger seat. "It's okay dude, we won't be late."  
  
"Hopefully not, but it'll be a close cut. I shoulda been paying attention to the time. She hates it when mom, dad, or I are late picking her up from something, it's heartbreaking to see how sad she gets."  
  
"Awww, you care so much for your sister, I can tell you really love her."  
  
Joel smiled and nodded in agreement. "More than anything, she's all I have. I mean I have parents and other family, but they live far away, and my parents are lame."  
  
"Most parents are...but not my Mama." He said proudly. "She's truly amazing and she's not one of those cheesy uncool parents."  
  
"I'd bet so. Michael told me how you like to WebChatz with her and how much you talk about her."  
  
"I don't talk about her a lot!" Ray turned to look out of the window to hide his reddening cheeks.   
  
The older laughed loudly and reached over to pat his head. "Oooh, Ray. He didn't say 'a lot' exactly, just that you do more than the average teenager, which is good actually." When Ray didn't reply, he kept on talking. "Most teens would be embarrassed to talk about their moms or dads so much, especially in front of other teens because they fear being called a 'mama's boy' or something. I certainly do...but you don't and that's okay."  
  
"I'm a mama's boy and proud of it."  
  
Joel spoke barely above a whisper. "That's something I really like about you."   
  
"That I'm a mama's boy?"  
  
"No...anyway, there's her school right there." They pulled into the parking lot of a small elementary school and Joel got out of the so quickly Ray had to get the keys because he'd forgotten to take them out of the ignition. As they approached the front doors of the school small children came running out of the building, some walking casually to cars where their parents waited and some ran to an adult waiting near the door. The two boys waiting at the bottom of the stairs to avoid traffic as they waited for her and Joel would move his head around occasionally to look past crowds of people. Ray would have done the same, but he had no idea what the girl looked like yet.  
  
"Joel!" A girl came over to them suddenly and ran right into the senior's arms. Joel's sister was a slightly round girl with a lovely face and wavy brown hair. She had cheeks like cherries, a big clean smile, and striking dark eyes like Joel's.   
  
When she let go of Joel, Ray smiled at her. "Hello there, I'm Ray."   
  
"Hi!" She chirped. "I'm Joena."  
  
"Joena and Joel...those names are perfect together."  
  
"Mhmm." She smiled and nodded proudly. "Our parents put the 'Joe' part in our names on purpose, but my name is the prettiest."  
  
He shrugged and glanced at Joel with mischievous eyes. "I agree, 'Joena' is much much prettier."  
  
"I like your voice," she said impromptu. "are you from America?"  
  
"Nope," he chuckled, she was clearly an outgoing child but he liked that. It was better than the ones that just stare at you when you speak to them. "I'm from Puerto Rico."  
  
"So why do you sound different?"  
  
"Uh...because I uh...we speak Spanish." He thought up quick. "So we talk totally different."   
  
"Why aren't you at Puerto Rico now?"  
  
"I'm a foreign exchange student. I'm living in America for a year to experience an American high school and lifestyle."  
  
"We can experience American stuff at home." 

* * *

  
**And** so throughout the car ride back, and even as they walked into the house, Joena, Joel, and Ray talked nonstop. Much of it was Joena asking the lad about Puerto Rico, such as what they have there, but they were all enjoying every minute of it. However, once the questions ran out and so did her fun, she demanded they play a game.  
  
"Let's play truth or dare."  
  
"Sure, but first wanna drink some chocolate milk or something?"  
  
"Chocolate milk!" Joena repeated.

He bent over to plant a kiss on her forehead and patted her head. "Alright, be right back." He replied sweetly.

Ray nearly placed his hands over his heart and 'aww'd' at the sight. He admired Joel's parent-like love for his sister, he could tell that they were closer than most siblings. He was not one of those brothers who teased their little sisters and found them annoying, but a caring, kindred one. That was something he liked about the senior, with his usual nonchalant demeanor one wouldn't expect to see him express how much he cares for someone, but anyone who truly knew him knows that his affection to the ones he love reigns the whole world round. As he smiled at the older boy standing at a counter humming, he couldn't help but notice how broad his shoulders were, how--dare he think--manly and attractive of a feature it was. Ray also noticed Joel dipping a tea bag into the tall glass of chocolate milk. "What sort of tea is that?"

  
"Chamomile."  
  
"Doesn't that make people sle-"  
  
"Sshh." He pressed a finger to his lips. "Joena! Milk's ready!" As Joena skipped upstairs, milk in hand, Joel brought his lips up to the lad's ear. "Just put some chamomile tea in her drink and woosh! She's sleeping in minutes."  
  
Ray laughed. "You're fucking awful, don't you feel bad about this? Your sister is literally the cutest thing ever and she just wanted to play a game."  
  
"And normally I would oblige, but remember yesterday when I said 'just the two of us'? What do you wanna do?"  
  
"Eat ice cream and watch tv like abuncha fat asses." He got up from the chair and led the older boy to the freezer where they got out a tub of ice cream and two spoons, deciding to eat directly from the tub. When they got to the living room Joel ran over to the couch and laid down on his side. He struck a funny pose, one leg bent and the other straight, one hand on his knee and the other was used to prop up his head.  
  
"Paint me like one of your French girls." He'd said smiling.  
"I'm Puerto Rican...now scoot over." Joel simply shook his head and picked up the remote to turn on the television, ignoring Ray's demand and pretending to enjoy the documentary about boats currently showing. "Fucking kidding me right now?" Ray rolled his eyes and smiled at his silly friend, his quirky and strange mannerisms made the lad feel lighter, a bit a dizzy, drunk on happiness one could say. Accepting that he wasn't going to scoot over, Ray laid on the couch also so that his back was to the older boy behind him and he was on his side.  
  
"Hey we're in a spooning position."   
  
Ray chuckled before telling him to shut up. "Don't get too excited, just needed a place to sit. Or lie, rather."  
  
"There's a gazillion other places in the living room you can sit you know."   
  
Ray looked around the room suddenly pretending to notice the love seat and arm chairs for the first time. He cursed himself for being so foolish, as he'd been there many times before and knew Joel wouldn't be fooled by such a thing. "Shut up." He said stammering before stuffing a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth and attempting to focus on the television. As the documentary went on Ray began to feel an arm make it's way under him and around his waist, then another one follow suit. He felt the strength of two big arms pull his towards a warm body that loomed over him a surprisingly pleasing way, he'd never admit it but he loved seeing Joel in his most masculine moments, demonstrating his strength and dominance.  
  
"Joel?"  
  
"Hmm?"   
  
"What ar- WHAT THE FUCK?!" As soon as Ray felt the senior's teeth against his ear he panicked and rolled himself off of the couch. He stumbled to his feet and stepped back a few steps, not sure what he was feeling.   
  
"What's your damage?!" Joel asked with more snap than he'd meant. Fearing Ray was about to make a dash for the front door, he wanted to pull him into a hug and beg him to stay. Fearing that would only make him want to leave even more, he simply stayed where he was and tried to keep his breath from quickening. "I mean-sorry. I wasn't trying to creep you out-for once, I just...I dunno. I'm really sorry."  
  
"It's actually fine it...it felt warm. W-warm and nice." He stepped closer to Joel until he was standing right in front of him. He smiled feebly hoping to back up his claim and Told him once more. "You felt nice, I guess...you always do."  
  
"Oh you!" He sung with over exaggerated cheerfulness. He hugged Ray tight around his midsection and lifted him into the air, and the lad almost instinctively brought his legs up to fit around Joel's hips.  
  
"We're abuncha gays." The Puerto Rican joked shaking his head. "What're we doing right now, Joel?"  
  
'Well, Ray...we're doing what we should be.' His heart told him to say that, and yet his mind said it was too soon. Yeah, too soon...he'd wait a bit longer. To put Ray on the spot in such a way would only bring about failure, so as he looked into the lad's ebony eyes and tried to stop his gaze from going down to those pink lips he simply smiled in response.  
  
"You seem to like my midsection."  
  
His attention was drawn to Ray's lips again. "Hmm?" He responded.   
  
"It's a miracle I haven't been split in half yet, you literally always hug me or hold me around my waist. Why is that?"  
  
"To uhh...I'm sorry come again?" _'Well done, Heyman! You're so fucking awkward'_ he cursed himself for becoming so nervous SO easily when in Ray's presence. And how his bright joyful smile made his words tumble over each other, he cursed himself for that too. Then, without warning, he was saved by the bell, or by the ring, rather. The phone in his back pocket was vibrating and blaring it's alarm to inform someone was calling. Reaching one arm back to grab it with the other one still supporting Ray, he brought the phone up to read the screen and groaned. Ray groaned too and rolled his eyes as the senior answered the phone.  
  
"Caboose speaking."  
  
"Caboose!" Ray rolled his eyes once more. Even without the phone being on speaker he was close enough to hear the annoying soprano voice of Lexine, a senior in Joel's algebra class. "I have a surprise for youuuu!"  
  
"Oh yeah?" He replied nonchalantly. "What would that be?"  
  
"Can't tell. You gotta come meet me... _at my house_." Joel's skin crawled and his face grimaced when her voice changed as she said 'at my house.' Ray looked away and suddenly felt anxious, was Joel going to take him home so he could go to Lexine's house? He didn't want that to happen though, he wished to stay at Joel's house for as long as possible, and to be denied that because of some girl made him feel...just wrong. That's why what happened next caused him to whip his head back around and lean inward to ensure he was hearing everything correctly.   
  
"I'm sorta busy at the moment, can't make it. Got a lot on my plate..." He smiled at Ray before returning his gaze downward. "well more like a little on my hips."  
  
"What do y-"  
  
"I'm hanging out with Ray Narvaez."  
  
"That Mexican kid?! Doing what?"  
  
"He's Puerto Rican, actually." Joel corrected. "And we're...we're on a boat." He and Ray snickered at his silly lie.  
  
"A boat." She repeated.  
  
"Y-yeah let's say that," He snickered. "why the hell not? So if you don't mind I have important boat stuff to do, motors and oars and such. Toodles." He hung up as soon as those words left his mouth and they both erupted into a short laughing fit. In his state of weakness Joel fell back onto the couch and clutched the younger boy tighter as he calmed down. "A fucking boat..."  
  
"Ahhhh you're such a freak." Ray joked. "But you didn't pick some dumb bimbo over me, so you're a great freak."  
  
"No shit." He gave the lad a quizzical smile and chuckled. "Why wouldn't I?"  
  
"She's popular." Joel simply nodded in response. "And she's got big tits." A nod succeeded every attribute Ray named. "She's got wide hips, she's on the dance team and rumor has it she sucks some great dick."  
  
"So what? That's because she got surgery or something, have you ever seen a teenage girl with a huge butt and tits?"  
  
"You're a fucking weirdo."  
  
  
"Shut up." Ray yelped at the sudden force pulling him forward and farther into Joel's lap. He looked at the older teen eying him in a strange way, with an expression he'd never seen on his face. It was one of worry, like the face he always made when he was scared of answering a question wrong. It was also one of eagerness, the one he got when he was charging for a ball on the court. It was just as well one of contentment, the satisfied contentment he felt when he bit into a donut. It was all of these things and more, and while Ray interpreted the emotions separately, he didn't know what they meant as one. His body stiffened when Joel's face became closer and closer to his, and he found himself unable to form words. It wasn't until Ray felt that warm breath go away that he realized he had his eyes shut.  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
"I...don't know." He said opening his eyes. He brought a hand up to his tingling cheek and lightly cupped it. "I literally don't know."  
  
"Are you alright? Does your cheek hurt or something?"  
  
"I thought you'd-never mind." Ray climbed out of the older's lap and sat on the cushion next to him. Had he just imagined Joel's face coming nearer? "I'm just out of it or something right now."  
  
"Heh, I can see. You're not too out of it to answer my question though are you."  
  
"We'll just have to see. Shoot."  
  
He tried to be as nonchalant and casual as he could be, god forbid he seem too eager to hear his answer, but he needed to know. "I was thinking back to our conversation from earlier, and feel free to not answer this: have you ever kissed anyone?"  
  
"Wow," he chuckled a bit nervously. "Wasn't expecting that, uh...yes I have, I've kissed Courtney. As if I have to ask...have you kissed anyone before?"  
  
"Yeah, I've kissed..." Joel swallowed his words before he could say the large number, as he was actually embarrassed by how high it was. He hadn't always been this way, just a few months ago he would've been proud of it, maybe even wanted to flaunt it, but now it's different. Except for a few, he'd like to take all of those kisses back. "people."  
  
"How was your first kiss?"  
  
"It was good, but in retrospect not very great. In past relationships, when I look back on them, they were not very great. The girl was nice and whatever but still. A similar reason as to why I didn't care to go to Lexine's, when I look at her nothing happens." 'There goes that phrase again, nothing happens.'  
  
 _'"When I look at Kara...nothing happens."_  
  
 _"What's supposed to happen?"_  
  
 _"I...I-I don't even know."'_  
  
Sensing the sadness and confusion riddled on his face, Ray places a comforting hand on the senior's cheek. His thumb glided over Joel's brow and he smiled at him, a smile that made the older's heart melt.   
  
"Hey, guess what?" Joel asked.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"We didn't clean my room."  
  
He nodded nonchalantly and smirked. "Sure didn't, but what's it matter now?"  
  
"Yet you didn't leave me. You said you were going to go home if we didn't, but you stayed with me."   
  
"Yeah...I guess I didn't."

"Thank you." Joel placed a hand over the one Ray had on his cheek and smiled. A sweet, content smile that seemed to glow. Through the older's eyes Ray saw tranquil, and so he allowed himself to relish the touch and be at peace at well. Neither one uttered a single syllable, no words were needed as their eyes said it all. It was as though he could see Ray's lips moving, and hear his voice speaking to him. He was telling Noel it was his pleasure to stay with him. He was telling Joel to be happy, to wait and see, and he was telling Joel something would happen soon enough. If only he knew it already was.  
  
All of this and more was told in their silent little story, which only Joel could read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so if there were a lot of typos that because I was so excited to release this chapter that I overlooked them. Apologies.
> 
> Hope you've enjoyed the chapter.


	6. Homecoming or Winter Dance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter skips around sort of a lot. That's because I wanted to introduce several ideas in one chapter.

It wasn't the creaking of his bedroom door that woke him up, but the blinding light that came through his window when his father let up the shades. "Rise and shine Joel, today's a new day."

"Urgh," he groaned in annoyance at how cheerful his dad spoke in spite of the hour. "dad...I don't wanna."

"Okay." He replied nonchalantly. In his state of grogginess Joel thought for a moment he'd be left alone after that, but as he remained awake longer he knew better. He knew his dad better. He heard the rapid thudding of his father's large feet charging towards the bed and he quickly, yet not so gracefully, rolled out of it and tumbled to the floor. It wasn't an ideal way to get up in the morning, but it saved him from his father's body slam. "Well, at least you did get away in time but..."

"But what?"

"A good basketball player should be agile enough to do it more...gracefully."

Joel hated to say things that made him sound arrogant, as he certainly wasn't, but there wasn't a better way to depend himself. "Who needs gracefulness when you're the captain of a basketball team? Clearly, I'm good."

"I'm not saying you aren't good, you're fantastic just..." He rose from the bed and patted Joel on his head as he walked towards the door. "make sure you stay fantastic, and get better. Now get ready, we have morning drills today." He closed the door and left Joel in his cloud of anger.

"We-or I have drills ever morning." He grumbled. Everyone wondered why Joel was so fit, and everyone wondered why he could eat the most unhealthiest of foods and yet retain his fantastic body. This was why: A ridiculously hard exercise routine nearly every morning that his father coached him through, followed by a healthy breakfast prepared by his mother. The exercise was no longer ridiculously hard for Joel, he wouldn't have made it this far if it were, but it was bothersome nonetheless when he already had practices after school. Yet he found that he enjoyed the exercises better than his breakfast, which consisted of an raw spinach, wheat toast, white rice, and oatmeal in serving size amounts. There was a time where he'd protest against it, but his mother wouldn't budge, she claimed 'no athlete should eat anything less than healthy', that is why whenever he was at school or out with friends he ate like a pig, so he could eat foods HE enjoyed.

Punching the wall next to him in anger, Joel got up from the floor and 'prepared' himself for morning drills-changing into a compression shirt, nike shoes, and basketball shorts-and going out into the front yard to meet his father. 

"Alright," Mr. Heyman said as he lowered himself into a lawn chair. He turned on the tablet in his hand and started up his tracking app. "since it's a school day we'll make it short...3 miles. Aaaand go!" Joel strapped the tracking belt around his waist and began to run his usual trail around the neighborhood, the one he's grown to know so well. The routine was never difficult, just enough to get his heart pulsing and his blood flowing through his body. He didn't believe it was meant to be hard, just enough to keep him from getting 'rusty'. His journey through the large neighborhood was almost leisurely, coming from someone who doesn't care for running that was a notable remark.

 

Joel came back 28 minutes later, panting but not exhausted. His father looked at the tablet and furrowed his eyebrows. "I see you've chosen a slightly different route."

"Yeah I did." 

"It took .3 Miles off of your 3, you'll have to make it up tomorrow."

Fearing some snide comment was the only way he could reply to that, he simply gave a thumbs up and went back inside the house where his '1 cal breakfast' as he called it, was waiting at the table. He smiled at his mother and little sister, who were eating huge servings of eggs, greasy bacon, and sausage. "Good morning guys."

"Good morning, Joely." 

"Mornin' Joel!" His sister said with a mouthful of bacon in her mouth. "How was morning drills?"

"They were easy today, just ran." He thought back to the what his father had early and frowned slightly. "And only 2.7 Miles today."

"Wow, that's like a record time for the lowest distance you've ever had to run."

"Mhmm...well gotta run, no pun intended. School and such. Buh bye." He went around the table and hugged his mother, then he went to the other side of the table and kissed his sister's chubby cheeks before going upstairs to bathe and complete his morning ritual. He put on a white Hollister polo, khaki pants, and white chucks, then he checked himself out in his full length mirror. He looked good, he knew this, but the red bird on his shirt reminded him of something and a memory came into his head.

He'd been wearing a similar shirt with a red collared shirt underneath and khaki jeans one day. Joel recalled meeting up with his friends in the school lobby and Ray's expression when he saw the senior's out fit.

'Oh gee, golfer prep magazine's new model in the house.' Joel had forced himself to laugh at the remark, which he knew was a joke, but it bothered him nonetheless.

And it continued to even now, so after looking at himself for a few more minutes, he decided to shed his current outfit and donned a new one. Now he was wearing a Halo t-shirt Matt had given him and black jeans. Satisfied with the way he looked now, he grabbed his backpack and left the house. He got into his car and checked his hair in the rear view mirror smiling, it was perfectly messy.  
\----  
When he pulled up to the school there was only 7 minutes left before homeroom started, so Joel planned on going straight to the room after visiting his locker, both of which were on the other side of the building from the student parking lot. Grabbing his backpack from the backseat he walked up to the school and ascended the stairs of the east main entrance. 

The moment he turned right and rounded that corner he wished he hadn't. He wasn't sure if he should have been surprised to see Jenna standing at his locker, or expecting it completely, but it bothered him greatly either way. When she noticed him slowly approaching her glistening pink lips curled into a smile. 

"Hey."

"Hey," he replied nonchalantly as he turned the dial of his locker. "you waiting for me or something?"

"Yeah, I didn't see you in your homeroom so I figured you'd be coming a bit later...pretty caring of me I must admit."

"It's disturbing more than anything."

She'd opened her mouth to retort with some snide comment, but she recalled who she was talking too before the words could escape her mouth and plastered that smile back onto her face. "So anyway...you know everyone's anticipating the fall play, and they're anticipating the after party will be held at your house."

The hand he'd been extending towards his textbook stopped dead in it's track. Had they really? "My house? I don't know about that."

"Why not? The best parties always happen at YOUR place."

"That's the problem," he groaned. "I'd like to trash someone else's house and break their mothers' vases for a change. You know Sarge Hullum and Grif Ramsey? I might ask one of them." Joel shut his locker and began his trek to homeroom, not looking back once to see if Jenna followed. She did, naturally, but he still didn't care to check.

"Sarge and Grif..?"

"Yeah. Matt and Geoff...or better yet Ryan Haywood. Since he's actually in the play, it'd be more fitting to hold the after party there."

"Ryan's pretty hot and a beast on the basketball court, but he's...a bit weird."

"Well that's nothing new, that's just something every student at Achievement East comes to know. Like everyone knows who're the meanest bullies, and who're the filthiest whores, or-"

"You know I'm glad you brought that up." 

"Whys that?"

She took hold of his arm and guided him off to the side against some lockers, and when as she began to answer her blue eyes grew even more vibrant. "Speak of whores...you're not taking Destie or Kara to the winter dance, right?"

Joel's eyes narrowed in confusion. "The winter who what where?"  
\----  
"Have you guys heard of this new...'winter dance'?" He brought his hands up and bent his first two fingers up and down a few times.

Ryan groaned and rolled his eyes. "It's ALL Laurie talks about, I'm gonna throw up from hearing about it so much."

"Have you just recently heard about it, Joel?" Gavin asked.

"YES." His hands slammed down on his desk and he caught the attention of a few nearby students. "And apparently there's a ton of girls that want me to take them."

"Fucking brag about it." Jack chuckled and patted the teen's back. "You'll find out who you should take, Caboose...or have you already?"

Ray hadn't really cared for the conversation, he was the only on of the boys still working on last minute homework. But when he heard the gent speak, the words 'Caboose', 'who', 'take', and 'already' caught his attention and he found himself looking up to listen more intently. Joel saw this through his peripheral vision and instantly wondered why, why was Ray interested in who he would take? "I haven't actually."

"Okay, well who all wants to go with you? Only mention the notables so the list only has one hundred names on it." Everyone laughed heartily at the comment except Joel, who had to force a chuckle like sound to escape his throat.

"Um... Destie Calligon, Ton Yang, Shawna Jackson, Jenna Baumfeld, Kara Eberle, Lexi Martinez, Amy Zuelch, Cassandra Godard, and Maureen Pewter, etc, etc."

"Dude." Michael said immediately. "Maureen Pewter gets around faster than the fucking flu."

"I heard Lexi Martinez gave a guy head just for a ride to the mall."

"Cassandra Godard let several dudes finger her at a party, just to get attention."

"Isn't Jenna Baumfeld that goth chick that got creampied by the football team?"

"Alllll right," Joel voice rose slightly, like a father quieting his children he shushed them and they calmed. "I know every single one of those girls are whores-except Destie." The guys rolled their eyes, and Ray even grunted in disappointment at the senior. He didn't seem to noticed or he simply didn't care to acknowledge it. "I don't wanna take none of them... Of course all the girls I'd think of taking aren't one of the ones I heard wanna go with me."

"Who do you wanna bring?" Ray may have asked to quickly, but no one appeared to have taken note of it.

However Joel had taken note of it and his heart skipped a bit, and for a moment his heartbeat felt like it'd completely fell out of rhythm. "W-well..." He dare not tell the truth. The truth was stupid, thought he, it could never become reality. It would remain a foolish idea in his mind. "actually I would have to think of that."

"Yeah," Michael confirmed. "you oughta."

He slammed his head down on his desk. "GOD. Why has love forsaken me so?! Is my heart not as hungry for romance as any other man's?! Was my hand not built to hold and caress another?! Were these lips not carved to rest upon the skin of someone else, and share with them sweet kisses?!" Joel blushed when we looked up and saw nearly the whole class looking towards with. There was silence, then one clap, then a few claps, and then everyone was clapping and laughing at the miniature performance. 

"You're a fucking freak." The brunette lad chuckled. "You've been on the stage for toooo long."

"Not quite true, Mikey Wikey." He patted his brown curls. "I haven't been on it ENOUGH...so who are you guys taking?"

"I'm, of course" Geoff said immediately. "Taking the beautiful Griffon." 

"I'm taking Laurie." Ryan said. A chorus of awww's came from the group, causing him to blush and frown slightly. "Alright so not everyone has answered yet." He growled.

Jack cleared his throat. "Okay, okay...I'm not sure yet, but I want to go with Caiti Ward. I think there's a good chance of saying yes if I ask, I plan on doing it tomorrow when we go play mini golf." The chorus of awwwws came back, but Jack simply smiled proudly at his friend.

"I'm goin' with MAH BOI." Michael placed his arm around Gavin's shoulder and made his face turn slightly pink, and the entire class, except the snobs and quiet kids joined in the groups aw'ing and even chanted softly. 'Mavin for kings, Mavin for kings, Mavin for kings, Mavin for kings'. 

"Look, Micool, people ship us." He sung.

"You're just now noticing that? You know how many people send in fanmail with stuff about us? A LOT." A lot was right. Ever since the school started posting AETV segments on YouTube, the Gaming Club's popularity went beyond the boundaries of the school; people from the entire school district began commenting on how funny and yet informative their weekly updates were, and people from all over Texas fell in love with the personalities of each member. Burnie always joked that one day he would make a company based off of the club's segment, saying that it'd be one big pile of 'fun and success'.

"So uh," Ray chimed in. "'Mavin for kings'? Is this like prom where we vote for some combination of kings and queens?"

Joel nodded. "Yup," the answered. "if it's done the same way as prom, we receive the ballets a few days before the event and at the event the winners are announced, whether they're two girls, a boy and a girl, or..." He smiled at the lad and winked. "two boys."

"Uh...oh, I see."

"By the way you never told us who you would go with." 

"Quite frankly I'm probably not going."

"Why not?" 

"No reason to." He quickly answered and got up from his desk as soon as the bell rung, without a single goodbye or glance back. Joel felt something was not right there, the planets were out of sync in that moment, the magnetic field switched poles in that moment, and something within felt wrong in that moment. Now his curiosity was taking over his mind, and he pulled out his phone as he began to walk to biology class. 

Joel: you okay?  
Ray: yeah  
Joel: You sure? You were quick to leave homeroom.  
Ray:Test in history, I wanna get there earlier for last minute studying.  
Joel: okay...but what did you mean you had no one to go with?  
Ray: the girl I wanna go with would say no.  
Joel: A girl reject Ray Narvaez Jr? No way.  
Ray: Yes way. It doesn't really matter anyway. 

Joel didn't reply after this, he figured any attempt to make Ray feel better would be fruitless, and tried to have hope that the lad's mood would improve later on. He was going to focus on this stupid class and ignore his stupid feelings of concern, Ray was a high schooler just like him, he needed no special care. Before contradicting thoughts could come into his head a familiar voice called to him.

"Caboose, what's up?"

"Church! Where were you during homeroom?"

"At a student counsel meeting. The fuckin' president of all members has moved to Houston so we were discussing what we'll do."

"Oh yeah? So what've you guys decided?"

"We're gonna hold another election, it's next Friday."

"So soon?"

"Yes dude, fuck we have to have a new president and we can't just randomly appoint someone."

Joel didn't have time to respond as the teacher instructed them to take out their notebooks to write notes. He sighed and slammed the notebook onto his desk, not only did he hate science but he also hated taking notes. Normally he would be asleep by the end of class, but thoughts of the winter dance and Ray swirled in his head. Tearing a piece of paper out of his notebook, he scribbled a message on it and balled it up before discretely tossing it onto Burnie's desk next to him. Burnie adjusted his glasses and read the note. 'So about the winter dance...is it replacing homecoming?'

'Not necessarily,' he wrote back. 'it's literally homecoming but it's being held in November instead of October and it'll have a wintery theme.'

'Who're you taking?'

'Ashley Jenkins. And you? Kara I'm guessing?' Joel grunted and looked over at his friend wearing the cheekiest smile ever. Displeased, he quickly scrawled down a sharp reply and flung it at his head, but it merely glazed the top of his hair. The two looked on in horror as it landed on a girl's desk. A nosy, prissy girl on the cheer team.

"Of all fucking people." Joel whispered angrily as the girl unfolded the paper. Even in the darkened room he could see her big hazel eyes grow even bigger when she looked at him and then back down at the paper. Even over the teacher's drone like voice he heard the gasp and whispering coming from her mouth and into the ear of one of the guys from the basketball team. "I'm completely fucked now."

"Why?" He whispered back.

"That bastard's gonna tell every guy on the team I'm taking Kara to winter dance."

"So what?"

"Then she'll think I really do and won't leave me alone about it. I should NEVER have to feel so anxious about seeing someone, this is ridiculous."

Slightly discouraged by how strangely worried his friend was, Burnie stared at him before he was able to think of a way to reply. "Yeah, you shouldn't be so worried about it. Fuck man it's just a dance, and it's not the first time some girl or girls went apeshit over you."

"That's the problem." He growled silently.

"Caboose Heyman, you are the strangest fucker on this universe. A guy that's got so many girls after him and he's angry about it."

"Yeah well...I don't know. There's a lot of nice, beautiful girls, but none of them work with me. It's like..."

He nodded knowingly. "...nothing happens."

"Exactly."

\----  
"Are you going to ask Barbara already?" Michael asked, impatience tainted his voice. "Why delay the inevitable for Christ's sake?" 

"No, Barbs is well...funny, even her stupid ass puns. She's intelligent, friendly, gorgeous and determined...AND she's Canadian."

"That she is, Ray," Michael nodded slowly in agreement. "that she is."

The Puerto Rican's eyes grew a bit grayer as he looked down. "But I don't want to take her."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to go, honestly, it's too much effort and time just for a silly school dance. And even going with someone as awesome as Barbs wouldn't make it worth it." Michael shook his head slowly, as though gradually accepting the information. While he did believe his brother he felt that there was more to it, and, although he dare not ask, something extra in his mind that forbade him from going. He simply went along with it and decided it wasn't worth asking. Even when they exited the car and he saw that look on Ray's face, he did not ask. It wasn't a face of annoyance or sadness or frustration, but it was a face Michael had grown to know very well. Although he rarely saw it he knew it meant the Puerto Rican was disturbed.

"We're home!" Ray shouted as he and Michael entered the house. 

"And we come baring news, homecoming is two months away and people are already going wild about it."

The lads went into the living room where their mother was sitting watching television. She greeted them as they sat on the sofa next to her chair and smiled at the news. "Really? Yeah, even back in my day homecoming and prom were the most exciting times of the year, couldn't walk a few steps without hearing about it. So have you decided on a date, Ray?"

"You only asked Ray." Michael pouted.

Mrs. Jones scoffed and chuckled at him slightly. "I already know you're taking Gavin." He shrugged his shoulders in defeat, because not even he would deny that was an obvious fact. "So you, Ray?"

"Not going, it's not really worthwhile."

"I bet it would be if you find the right nice young lady to go with," she sung. "surely there's some girl at school you'd like to go with."

"Ray and Barbara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

"Oh? Who is Barbara?"

"She's a girl at our school that has a strong bond with Ray...AND she's Canadian." Michael added on, like he was emphasizing how cool she was. "I ship them."

The Puerto Rican rolled his eyes and nudged him on the shoulder. "Goodness I am not going just to go with Barbara. If I wanted to dance, talk, and laugh with her I would just wait for school the next day, or-"

"Or a date." 

"I was gonna say 'hangout' but if 'Date' keeps your bongs a-blazin', whatever."

Their mother gasped. "That would be lovely. I think you should definitely go on a date with Barbara."

"Nah, I'm not really up for that. Dates require romance and being social...and some other stuff I'm not into."

"Then maybe just a casual hangout type of night?"

"Still requires being social."

"Gosh dang it, Ray." Michael stood up mumbling something and began to go upstairs. Some moments later the sound of Michael talking came from upstairs and as realization struck Ray he sprung up and went to Michael's bedroom.

"Don't you fuckin' do it." Ray warned, busting into the lad's room. He was lounging in his desk chair spinning ever so slowly and showed no signs of hearing the Puerto Rican boy. "I mean it, dude."

Too late. "How about tomorrow at seven?...eh well, sure we can do eight...yeah, yeah he's coming too...hell why not? The more the merrier... Yeah...yeah...Awesome, see ya then barbs." Michael smiled wickedly at him as he set his phone down.

"You are such an asshat."

"Well this asshat just made you social life a bit more respectable. Or made it exist, rather."

"Fuck off. So who else is going besides you, Barbara and I?"

"Gavin, Meg, and Lindsay."

"Who is Meg?"

"She's a girl who moved here over the summer, her and Gavin are like, best friends for life or some shit. It'll be toppers to have an equal number of boys and girls, ensures it's not awkward."

"If we follow 'WAFFLE', it could never be awkward."

The boy's eyebrow went up in confusion. "WAFFLE?"

"We Are Friends, Friends Love Eachother." Ray answered proudly, pleased with his clever anagram.

"Than wouldn't it be WAFFLE-O? You know 'each other' is two words, right?"

"Eachother is a single word, asswipe."

"Yeah and the fucking tooth fairy came and have me a dollar last night." He spat. "Dude I'm telling you it's two separate words."

"No fuck that. Anyway," he decided to not argue the matter, as he was still more interested in his first problem. "I'd love to not go on this little hangout session." He grabbed Michael's arm and looked into his eyes intensely. "Please, Michael."

Sensing the boy's serious tone, his eyes softened and his shoulders relaxed, showing he was truly listening, like an older sibling would. "Ray, I understand you being a bit timid, but if I'd known being around her was so intimidating I wouldn't have called-"

"No, it's not that at all, that's the least of my problems now."

"What other problem is there?"

Ray let go of Michael's arm and rubbed his own nervously, a shameful look on his face as he looked down at the floor. He looked like a frightened child standing before an angry parent as he spoke. "I'm so confused, I'm a fucking wreck. I don't like crowds. Even if I know literally everyone there I just do not cope well in them, I've never been...a people-y person."

"Aw," Michael grinned and punched the lad's arm playfully. "that's nothing to be ashamed of, Ray. I will help you."

His shoulders drooped even more as he sighed. "I don't want to do this. I'll be happier staying here."

"Silly, how're you gonna experience a new country when you won't even go out into it. Being a foreign exchange student is not just studying in a foreign country, but living in it, seeing what it has to offer. Like culture and stuff."

"I have seen what the U.S. has to offer. Have you not seen how many fast food burgers I've eaten since being here?"

The lad shrugged and then nodded, how could he oppose that? "But there's still more. Please?"

He shook his head slowly. "It's not like being at school with them."

"I hate seeing you so sad, I'm not used to it and it should never happen. You need to overcome this shyness you have and at least try Ray, instead of wondering what could've been. They are our friends and they love you, you always make us happy."

"How?" Michael felt sorry for the younger, he sounded so lost and confused. "I love them too," He truly did, although they were not the type of friends that said such things it was well known they did. It was rare that they would even utter the words 'best friends' or 'I love you' to each other. They didn't have to. The members of the gaming club--that is Roosterteeth--were close.

"Mama told you to be happy while you're here. She wants you to live here, not just exist, but actually do things and gain new experiences."

He smiled back feebly. He stood up and patted Michael on the shoulder before walking away towards his room. "Thanks man, I'm gonna talk to her right now as a matter of fact." Michael crossed his arms across his chest and basked in pride at himself. And he was moved by Ray, the little mama's boy. It was wonderful how easily his mother could change the Puerto Rican's mood, and frankly, although he dare not say it, it was extremely adorable.

When Ray got back to his room he immediately started up his laptop and opened WebChatz. Hopefully his mother would be available to talk now. The white circle on the black screen spun and spun, the familiar phone like ring seemed to grow fast just as Ray's heartbeat was. The more it rang, the more he worried his mother would be busy and couldn't answer, and that never failed to sadden him to some extent. Finally, the screen changed and his mom's smiling face came into view.

Ray's eyes instantly grew brighter and his voice like an excited child's. "Mama!" 

"Hello, Ray. Good to see you darling, how was your day today?"

"It was okay, nothing too special. Next month we're having a school dance and everyone's already excited and talking about who they're gonna take. How was your day?"

"Eh, it was nice, but not as interesting as a school dance." She replied in that way only a parent could, making something that wasn't particular interesting sound as such. "That's adorable...are you among the excited ones who've found a date?"

He shook his head slightly and shrugged. "Naw, I'm not going to that thing, there'll be people there."

The mother gave him a somewhat scolding look and her eyebrows curled on confusion. "What? Ray you told me this year would try your very hardest to be more social, and especially when you're in a new world practically. You must explore and try new things and live so you can learn everything that world has to offer."

"Mon univers est solitaire, mama."

"Wha?"

"Hehe, I said, 'My universe is solitary.'"

"Oh. Well I see you're taking very nicely to your French class, then."

"Psh. No, I have this stupid speech thingy. Well, not really a speech but a call and response where I ask my partner a question and they must, without looking at the script they create, answer them. And my partner is a bit of a...let's just say he gets distracted easily."

"So he's one of THOSE students?" 

Ray chuckled at how she rolled her eyes when she said 'those'. "Not really, I mean he's one of those jock type people, the annoying ones I've told you about. Except he's not exactly like them."

"Oh? Is he nicer then?"

"Mhmm, his name's Joel." Ray smiled, his stomach felt fluttery whenever that name touched his lips. It made him happy to be able to know and talk about such a person, Joel was well, Joel, and it felt like a treat to be friends with him. Even if 'friend' didn't seem like the most ideal word to use he gladly did. "He's really funny and silly, so you couldn't tell at first glance but he's very smart and talented. He's a leading role in our school's play and the captain of the varsity basketball team, plus he's in the gaming club I'm in."

"That's pretty remarkable I will say, so why is such a mighty student reluctant to take on a French speech?"

"Hah, wish I could tell you." He shrugged. "He's a procrastinator I would guess, even if he gets things done the timing is bad."

Mrs. Narvaez nodded and 'hmm'ed, showing she understood. "You know alotta stuff about Joel, is he your friend?"

"Well, he's really popular so you don't have to be friends with him to know that stuff, but yes we are." His voice got a bit quieter as he uttered the last part, because frankly he was not certain about his status with Joel. Regardless of all of the things they do together and how close they may seem to be, he just couldn't be sure. It felt like whenever the two got closer a jock or other annoying high school clique ruined it. Every time Joel went out with one of them, it chipped a piece of their relationship. Every time Joel even talked to one it spoiled their connection, and made Ray wonder what he meant to Joel. "Joel has a lot of friends, some that really piss me off."

"Why? What kinds of friends?"

"Similar to the people from those American high school movies: the snooty, sporty, 'every popular kid knows each other' type of kids. Jocks and cheerleaders."

"Are you sure Joel isn't more like them than you think? He isn't one of those people who bully 'nerds' or dates a girl for only 'one reason', if you know what I'm saying."

"I know, mama, I know. I don't think he's like that...or yes. No. Maybe so? He's had a lot of girlfriends-"

"Ohhhh, oh goodness." She shook her head in disapproval. "Tsk, tsk, don't tell me he's one of those hit it and quit it types. Because they not only make for bad lovers, but they also..."She looked at Ray intently to show she truly meant what she was saying, pointing at him through the screen as a lecturing mother would. "...they make for bad friends. And I'm not just talking about Joel, I mean anyone you meet. Don't let anyone use you or treat you badly. It's amazing how nice someone can appear on the surface, and how much they may seem to like you, yet they'd betray you in a heartbeat."

Joel wasn't like that, was he? Ray wouldn't want to think so, but everything was there. He hung out with the jocks. He played sports like them, girls loved them, he had wild parties like them, and he was popular like them. But he was kind to everyone, unlike them. He didn't bully anyone or play girls...but that was only as far as Ray knew. He didn't even know how he acted when he was with those people, when Ray wasn't around. 

"I think Joel is different, still gonna keep my distance but he's...he doesn't seem to be like the others." Yeah, different was a good word, as Joel was indeed just that. Joel's personality was different from any others Ray knew, and the way he treated the lad was different from how others did. Most of all, Ray felt differently about Joel, different from how he felt about others. He no longer wanted to talk about him, he didn't want to think about him or think of potential dangers living within him. Changing the subject, he told his mother about the 'date' he was dreading.  
\----  
"Dammit, Joel!" Adam shouted, a look of utter horror etched into his face as he stared at the screen. "Run run run run run run! Left...now right...shit! Hide in the locker!"

Joel desperately pounded the 'x' button but the character on the screen would not move. "It's not working!"

"Seriously dude the fuckin brute thing is coming he will break down the door."

"It is not working! Adam, move back a little." 

"Oh my god he's here."

His fingers went mad on the controller but it simply would not work. "Why is this not working?!" Out of options and out of time, they made one last attempt to escape. "He's breaking down the door right now, we're gonna have to run past him."

"What?!"

"Just make sure we're facing the door when he busts through." Just as he said that a loud pounding came from the other side of the door and, as it if it were real, the two boys braced themselves. The large grotesque enemy entered the room and advanced towards them. Too quickly. Adam and Joel groaned and threw down their controllers as they watched their character be lifted into the air and be decapitated by the protagonist. "Damnit...Adam?"

"Hmm?"

"Why do we keep putting ourselves through this? Are we just like...some fucked up pair of dudes that do terrifying things for a thrill or are we complete idiots?"

"I'd say both of those things apply to us." He looked over at the older and laughed when he nodded in agreement. "Wanna try again?"

"Naw, fuck Outlast for now."

"Oh, good because I wanted to ask you this: rumor has it you're taking Kara to the winter dance, are you?"

"'Rumor has it'? You mean people are actually thinking about that?"

"To an extent, yeah."

Joel leaned back in his chair and groaned, placing his hands over his face. "Well, no, I'm not taking her. I don't know who I'm taking or if I even will in the long run. Would it be weird to take a guy?"

"Like just go with a group a friends? No."

"Naw I mean like..." He sat up in the chair and looked up at the ceiling, as if contemplating. "taking him as your date. Is that weird?" Joel instantly looked over at Adam, nervously waiting for his answer and wondering what it would be. He hoped Adam wouldn't ask questions, he knew whatever they were he wouldn't want to answer. 

"No. I mean, it's uncommon but it's not weird or bad. Why?" Joel cringed slightly at the word, he'd been hoping with all of his being that wouldn't be asked.

"I'm just wondering," he fibbed. "curiosity I suppose." He said that too quickly, with too nervous of a tone. There was something...there, but nothing about Joel in that moment, his facial expression or body language, told Adam enough so he simply let it go. "What?"

"You're just looking a bit troubled. Joel you know I'm not one to act all emotional and deep and stuff, but if you want to talk or anything just let me know."

"I'm just...a bit concerned about somethings. It all seems trivial and absolutely crucial at the same time."

"What does?"

"Everything." Joel answered miserably, as though it pained him to say it. "School, basketball, social life, extracurricular stuff, especially those first two. Maintaining a 4.0 is hell and staying on top in basketball is hardly any better. On top of that there's theatre and gaming club and I just...it is a lot, and I barely get a break from it all because my parents are fucking psycho. 'Joel, did you get a B on that calculus test? Why didn't you get an A?', 'A minus huh, you know it would be an A plus if you applied yourself more.', 'Colleges don't wanna see a 3.9 they look for 4.0s the most!' God! And then they can't bare to see me less than perfect on the court."

Adam looked sadly at his friend as he groaned and rested his head on the desk, pounding it a few times to emphasize his distress. "Joel, you're the smartest fucker I know. I'm not saying that just because you get such good grades, you truly are intelligent behind that 'dumb ass' top layer. You're capable of so much and have always been, that won't ever change."

"Thank you, but I'm...I'm just so scared of failing, dude. I don't know why but for as long as I can remember failure has been like poison to me. I do not deal with it, I can NOT." Joel thought back to times in his life that would justify this. In kindergarten he threw tantrums if he got a smiling stick instead of a grinning one on his homework. When he failed that final project in 5th grade he got in deep trouble for threatening his partner, who he, quite accurately, blamed. Then he recalled the times when in 9th grade he sulked for days after losing a basketball game, and nobody could convince him it wasn't his fault. Even when Achievement East High won, which was often, he always found a way to scrutinize his performance. 

"The less you think about the failure the less you'll sike yourself out. A turtle is at it's weakest point when it's tucked in its shell, hiding from an enemy it should not fear."

The corner of Joel's mouth rose slightly. It was no smile, but it was the beginning of one, and he snickered. "What kind of analogy is that?"

"I'm trying to be deep and emotional, damn it. Now listen...you are an achiever. You have always been one to accomplish everything you try and excel at it, seriously. Why would that change now?"

"Even the strongest horses age and die." And here Joel was now in his final year of high school, his streak of success aging and perhaps, just maybe, dying, and he felt himself crumbling. He felt himself succumbing to lazy tendencies and putting minimal effort into after school practices. It was evident that this behavior would only lead him down the road he feared most, but after many many years of establishing a wall of success, it was beginning to crack and break, and he felt limited looking for ways to mend it.


	7. Joel Casanova Heyman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The things being said about Joel upset Ray. Not because they were mean, but because they may have been true, and if they were...well, then there would be a few complications, so he has to find out more. In other news, our little Narvaez starts a new friendship with a lovely young lady.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey there! Long time no see y'all. I've been away for some time, but in that time I have (slowly but surely) been working on this stuff. 
> 
> So, I give you...Joelay!

"Missed you earlier. Good morning." Joel smiled warmly at the Puerto Rican. Ray loved it. He loved it because that smile was just for him. He loved it because it was different from the aseptic dull way he said a simple 'Morning' or 'Hey there' to others. He loved it because while he may be fine with seeing his other friends, he was thrilled to see Ray. Was Ray...special to him?  
  
Ray made sure his greetings were just as genuine. "Good morning, Joel. Have you continued putting off that speech or..?"  
  
"What? Naw, I've been practicing my lines, even if it's a bit weird without the response. Think we can work on it today after school? Before I gotta go practice for my game?"  
  
"Yeah for a while." It pained him to say it. He would've loved to spend his night studying with Joel, but he was in too deep. He couldn't ditch the gang now, but he wanted to. Joel had plans of his own and didn't intend on studying too long either. He was supposed to go to the opera with Matt later on today, something he'd been dragged into by Yomary, and he'd be damned if he didn't have Joel or someone else suffer alongside him. Also, Joel didn't mind being a third wheel so he was the perfect person.  
  
"Great. So..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Remember that day you were at my house and you said you'd leave if I didn't clean my room?"  
  
"That day that was a day ago? Yes I remember it very well." And he remembered it very fondly.  
  
"Why didn't you leave then? You stayed there with me even though I didn't clean a single thing."  
  
"I stayed with you because...you're happiness. I told you something like that the first time you asked, remember?"  
  
"I'm happiness." Repeated he, trying to embed the word in his mind. "I don't get it. Like I'm a happy person?"  
  
"Yes, and your happiness is contagious; anyone who is near will feel your happiness and it'll show. Remember yesterday I said you make me happy."  
  
He mused at the memory. "Yeah...you did say that, huh?"  
  
"And who doesn't want to be around things or people that make them happy?"  
  
"Well I could live without it but good point. We've arrived at my class. Where's your next class? I can walk you there real quick if you want."  
  
Ray waved his hand at him as if shooing him away. "Naw, I'm a big boy, I'll be fine on my own."  
  
Leaning forward, Joel wrapped his arms around Ray's midsection and gave him a quick squeeze."Okay, see you later."  
  
"What was that?"  
  
He chuckled and shot him a quizzical look. "A hug, fuckhead. What else would it be?"  
  
"I know that...I mean-what was it for though?"  
  
"It makes me happy." And that smile flashed on his face once again. The smile that made Ray's heart sing. It surprised him, the effort it took to make his legs turn and send him walking towards his next class. He wanted to stand there forever looking at that smile, so simple and yet so astonishing. So genuine. Just as the hug had been, because Ray could still feel Joel's warmth. It felt as though his arms were still there too, like the senior had never let him go. Honestly, that would've been just fine with him. In his state of tranquility he hadn't noticed the boy walking towards him looking down at his phone. Not until they bumped into each other and the boy yelped in surprise. For a basketball player, as the shirt he wore indicated, he was fairly short, not much taller than Ray. He was a tannish young man with dark eyes and charcoal colored hair, someone the lad recognized from the times he and the others would watch the basketball players practice after school.  
  
The young man smiled at Ray and laughed slightly. "Sorry, dude. Holy fuck I wasn't watching where I was going."  
  
"Wooow, Tucker, you idiot." Joel called out as he began to turn towards the door.  
  
He laughed back, flipping off the fellow senior. "Fuck you, man." He looked at Ray and apologized once more. "It's my bad, my eyes are fuckin' glued to my phone."  
  
"It's fine, not like I was looking either. Busy talking to that weirdo and whatever." He threw his thumb over his shoulder and pointed towards the doorway Joel had just walked through.  
  
"Oh, are you two friends?" Tucker didn't wait for Ray to respond before he continued speaking, not that the younger would've known how. The idea of him and Joel being friends was a rather strange one for him, if was foggy and flimsy, hard to grasp. He would've like to think that yes, they were, but there's that familiar sense of unhappiness, that anger and that doubt. It's the same old 'Jocks and nerds and high school can't coexist' spiel, and then all the hope he'd built regarding the veracity of their friendship became less solid.  
  
"I ask because one of the guys asked me one day if he'd found a new girlfriend yet, and then I started thinking to myself. 'Man...Joel has so many of those things I've quit keeping up with them.' So of course I didn't know. I'd never gotten around to asking him, but if you know I suppose I don't have to."  
  
Ray laughed and gave him a look of amusement and disbelieve. "He's had that many, are you serious? Sarge told me he's had like a planet of them, but I thought he was fucking around, exaggerating a bit."  
  
"Any number Sarge told you that's above one hundred has the potential to be correct. Caboose is quite the lady's man, god damn his gift."  
  
"Well, he hasn't mentioned any current girlfriends. But don't get too disappointed, he'll get one in like 1 day."  
  
"Hah, no kidding. I heard he likes that one chick that works at Trials Evolution."  
  
"Works where?"  
  
It was Tucker's turn to give a look of disbelieve, even a soft gasp escaping his mouth. "You haven't heard of Trials Evolution? It's a popular biking park. From simple tricycle courses for kids to mountain biking over tough terrains, to doing nearly impossible obstacles on dirt bikes, Trials just shits on any other skate park."  
  
"Sounds fun, might have to check it out some time."  
  
"You should. And be sure to bring Joel so maybe that chick will give you discounts."   
  
"Who is the chick?"   
  
"Destie Calligon."  
  
"Oh that whore," Ray said as if the name had been forgotten and suddenly remembered. "yeah I'd bet Joel likes her. He practically had his dick inside her in the gym the other day."  
  
"Fuck, heheh, yeah they're close. I ship them, though."   
  
'I don't.' thought the lad.  
  
"I mean they just go together so well. Both fast, playful individuals." The way he said 'fast, playful' made Ray feel uneasy. He understood 'fast' well enough, but 'playful'? Playful when? Playful about what? "Don't get me wrong, Caboose is my bro and all, but he's a kickass musician. Let's just say his favorite instrument is a girl's heart." He continued to talk about Joel's love life, if it could be called so, until the warning bell rung to signal class would start in one minute. Cursing under his breath, he bid Ray farewell and jogged down the hall. Ray did the same.  
  
  
He got to his marketing class just as the final bell rung, practically leaping into his seat next to Kerry. Today was a workday. Thank god, that pretty much meant 'free day'. While it would have behooved him to work on the project due in a week, he knew he would be too lost in thought to do much. Not that he gave much of a fuck about it, Ryan, happily, did most of the work on it. The idea was a weird one, an evil creation only someone like 'The Mad King' would dare want to bring into reality. 'Worms,' he'd named it. 'they look cute and dopey but they'll drop a concrete donkey or airstrike on your ass in a heartbeat.'. Ray hadn't care to question why Ryan wanted such catastrophe to be possible, or the practically of a donkey made of concrete, he wouldn't have understood anyway.   
  
Also, if he Puerto Rican recollected correctly, he'd been distracted the day they decided what their project would be about. A plethora of 'cool', 'okay', and 'I understand''s falling from his mouth as his eyes occasionally wandered across the room at a fellow student. She was petite with dark hair, darker eyes, and shapely lips. Her name was Tina and she was quite pretty, and caught Ray's attention slowly but surely. When school first started she was just another body in the class room, just another person that happened to exist. Then, about two weeks into the school year, she was walking to the door which Ray was unknowingly blocking. It was toward the end of class and the group of friends always stood by the door talking, oblivious to anything else.  
  
'Excuse me,' she had said.  
  
'What a sweet voice that was!' Thought he. He didn't just step out of the way a say a simple 'sorry' like he normally would have. No, he had to have a vis á vis, see who the lovely voice belonged to. He turned to see a just as sweet face smiling at him, and he couldn't help but smile back. How couldn't he? From that day forth he found himself forever admiring her, and every new fact he learned about her was precious like a talisman. Did he like Tina? If asked Ray would said no, and he wouldn't be lying. Now a crush? Perhaps, or simply intense admiration was a more fitting word. As long as he didn't fall too deep into this...  
  
  
"Ahhhh. Dang it."  
  
That was a strange cry, what the hell? A confused Ray looked up to see Ryan staring intensely at the screen of the laptop, eyebrows knitting and a hand tangled in his honey locks. He stood up and walked to the other side of the table to see what the older was looking at. "Everything okay over here Ryan? What's happ-whaaat the fuck is that?"  
  
"It's a cow, you know that says 'mooo'?"  
  
"Yeah no shit," Ray giggled. "I mean what's wrong with it?"  
  
He pointed at the picture he found on Google images. "It's made of concrete. I couldn't find a concrete donkey, so we may have to make a substitute. Other problems include," he held his fist out in front of him and lifted a finger as he named things. "The holy hand grenade should be made of paper mâché but neither of us know how, our bunker buster model broke, aaaand oh! We still need to make the water balloon airstrike."  
  
"No problem, I can do that."  
  
"Alright, great. You're such a good partner." He reached up to pat Ray on the head and ruffled his hair, obscuring the ebony locks. "I wish you were an American and could stay with me forever."  
  
"Aww, don't be sad, Ryan. Puerto Ricans are technically US citizens, so I'll always he in your country's territory." He leaned in to whisper in his ear. "And in your heart." The two busted out into laughter before returning to work, or rather Ryan googling statues of animals and Ray becoming lost in thought. His thoughts were however interrupted when there was a tap on his shoulder. Tina stood behind him holding a journal and some papers to her chest.  
  
"Hello."   
  
"Hey." Ray replied smiling back.  
  
"Okay. So I know this will sound really weird and random but I'm desperate." She was desperate? Of course, that was the only way she'd talk to him. Damn. "I am in Spanish 3 this year and I don't suck at it, but sometimes the verb conjugations fuck me and I'm not certain if I wrote these verbs write so could you check them for me please? I figured you'd be the best person to ask."  
  
"Hmm," initially his mind was racing trying to find out what the hell a 'conjugation was. Then he remembered the word from his French class. Ray couldn't recall learning the term in Spanish, if he did it'd been long forgotten in elementary school. Spanish came naturally to him, he grew up around the different forms of verbs and they just became routine, laws, ways of life in his vocabulary. 'Tieno, tienes...eres, es...' He didn't realize what a chore conjugating was until he took French this year. "yeah I'll check it." After scanning the list in impressive speed he handed it back to her with a thumbs up. "Nice, everything is correct except for a few things. It's not the verb conjugations, though."  
  
"Ugh, why am I so terrible?" Tina groaned and placed the paper on Ray's table in front of him. To get a better view of the sheet Ray stood up and walked to the leg side of the table, standing next to her, fairly lad to her. "What else did I screw up?"  
  
"Don't worry it's nothing major, just your 'the's and 'a's. Uuuuh for example Gata is a female cat, right, so it's 'una Gata'. And Gato is a masculine word, so it's 'El Gato'."  
  
"Oh...okay so I'm only a minor loser."  
  
"I beg a differ. This paper is written very well, the grammar is correct and the vocabulary you used is so advanced, hell some of these words I wouldn't use myself."  
  
Tina looked up from the paper and looked at him, she contact and all. Her eyes were happy, genuinely flattered by the comment. "For real?"  
  
"For realsies." He assured. "This is the paper of a winner, not a loser...Aaand that just might be the cheesiest thing I've ever said to anyone."  
  
"It wasn't too terrible, I've heard worst." Tina began to turn away and head for he table across the room. "I like your accent, by the way." She said grinning, looking over her shoulder. Ray simply smiled in return, a bit surprised by the compliment, his reaction was delayed.   
  
"Ray and Tina sitting in a tree."   
  
Ray's head snapped to the right to see a smirking Ryan looking up at him. "Pardon?"  
  
"Don't play dumb with me. Oh," Ryan altered the pitch of his voice and spoke with a Hispanic accent as he repeated the lad's words. "'This is the paper of a winner, not a loser.'"  
  
"Nice Italian accent, asshole." He sticks his tongue out at the gent.  
  
He looked back at the laptop screen and began typing again. "You two are cute."  
  
"Are we?"  
  
"You are."  
  
Ray plopped down into his chair and ducked behind a folder so his reddening face was hidden. "Cool." Had his face not been blocked by the green folder he would've seen the dubious look covering Ryan's face, not that he really had to, for his better judgement told him how the gent probably looked right now. A deep 'Ryan' chuckle rumbled through his chest as he shook his head in pity, as if disappointed by the lad's facade, thin as plastic he saw straight through. To distract himself and hoping cool down his blushing face, he scrolled aimlessly through his phone looking for nothing in particular. During his cellular meandering, a text notification popped up on his phone.

 

>   
> _Barbara: OMFG._   
> _Ray: what?_   
> _Barbara: Arryn asked me to the wiiiiiinter dance. :O_   
> _Ray: congratulations!!! :D so who's Arryn?_   
> _Barbara: just a friend of mine, you probably haven't seen her that many times._   
> _Ray: I doubt I have...how'd she ask you??_   
> _Barbara: details next time I see you. Must go now, my math teacher hates texting in class._   
> _Ray: he or she sounds like a busta._   
> _Barbara: I know! I can't SUM up any possible reasons why._   
> _Ray: gtfo. <3_

He put his phone away and worked on drawing out designs for his project. That, along with alternating between listening to Michael and Kerry and stealing glances at Tina, made up the remainder of his hour. Finally the bell rung and Ray was slinging his backpack over his shoulder. As he was struggling to get the other strap on his shoulder a voice called out to him from behind and instant knew who it was.  
  
"Ray, wait a moment will ya?"  
  
He turned around to see Tina walking towards him, a binder held up to her chest and a tote on her shoulder. When they were standing next to each other he resumed walking. "I waited." He said cheerfully.  
  
"You did, thanks." She smiled at him. "Are you excited for the fall assembly today? You're gonna be in it, right?"  
  
"The who?"  
  
Tina couldn't help but chuckled at the boy's befuddlement. "The fall assembly. It's where they talk about fall sports teams, fundraisers, useless school things, and introduce the foreign exchange students."  
  
"After we've been here for two months? What an introduction."  
  
"Heh, well, not all of them are known yet, there's some really shy ones."  
  
"How many are there?"  
  
"Uh...8? I think? Yes, no, maybe so?"  
  
"Eight? Hell I only know three: Caiti, Barbara, and I."  
  
"I don't know them...who are they?"  
  
"Caiti Ward is from Australia and Barbara Dunkelman is from Canada...but uh, about this assembly..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"All we have to do is introduce ourselves? That's it?"  
  
"Last year they had the exchange students hand out candy to the students as they walked in because it's near Halloween time. They'll probably do it this year, too. Gets them involved and crap."  
  
"Are you serious?" Ray scoffed in disapproval. "We should be the ones getting served candy, after we paid money and went on an airplane to be here."  
  
"But you wanted to be here."  
  
"And we had to earn it, idiots don't get accepted into these type of programs. I mean I'm not the most remarkable pupil but I'm...at least a little above average."  
  
Tina chuckled and rolled her eyes, but she nodded in agreement. "Fair enough, okay you've earned your candy. I'll get you some from a vending machine I you want."  
  
"You're willing to waste money on Ray Narvaez Junior?" He placed a hand on his chest. "Thanks that's very kind, but you don't have to do that, I'll just steal some from the assembly."  
  
"Are you sure? Okay, well I offered."  
  
"And I will remember that act of kindness."  
  
"You will?"  
  
"I'll try, I have so much to do, like this English class I have to suffer through right now."   
  
"Okay, will I see you later?"  
  
"Uh. Uh yyyeah, certainly."  
  
"Oh you know what? I'll see you at the assembly. Once you're done you can come sit with my friends and I, and we'll sit somewhere easy to find."  
  
"Sounds great. Make sure it's near the floor so I don't have to move too much."  
  
"Sure, see you then."  
  
"Bye."

  
  
**As** Tina had said, here Ray was standing at one of the doors leading to the gym handing at candy to students as they filed in. He smiled at the ones who smiled at him and made a pleading face whenever one of his friends came by, as if asking for help. For the 10 minutes or so it took to get every student inside the gym and seated he stood by a wall talking to Sadaat, a boy from Pakistan and Tatyana, a girl from Russian.  
  
"I think this is stupid," she said. "And even if I did approve of this they're about 2 months late, everyone knows us by now, we don't need to introduce ourselves."  
  
Ray chuckled and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, how could somebody in this school not know Ray Narvaez Junior?"  
  
"You two just have stage fright," Sadaat teased. "Suck it up and just do it, it'll be over before you know it."  
  
"I'm not the biggest talker when it comes to huge crowds."  
  
"But you talk on AETV all the time. By the way you and those people are very funny, especially Michael and Gavin."  
  
"Thanks, man. But that's different. I talk into a camera with like 12 people watching at the time, that doesn't hold a candle to speaking to an entire school full of shitheads in person."  
  
"Salty are we?" The tall young man laughed. "So, do you guys know what you'll talk about?"  
  
"It's just saying how we like it here so far, right? I'm gonna say I've met a lot of nice friends and I like the abundance of fast food places."  
  
"I'm gonna talk about the fashion and cool buildings. It isn't as cool as Russia's, but amazing nonetheless. And you, Sadaat?"  
  
"Gosh...I'm not sure. I mean I guess the slang used here is pretty funny but that's a dumb thing to say."  
  
"Not really. We're supposed to say how we're liking it here and something we like, and that's something you like."  
  
"I guess but I dunno. I might just say I really like my host family or something."  
  
"There's a plan. Who is your host family anyway?"  
  
"The Gibsons. My brother is actually one of the football players sitting over there." He pointed across the gym at a patch of red in the bleachers. It was a group of the football players in their red jerseys, and as always, as Ray knew from 'the movies', they were all sitting together. "He's the one with the green back pack in his lap." Finally finding him, Tatyana and Ray saw the muscular young man, probably a senior, with blonde spiked up hair and the beginnings of a beard sprinkled on his face. "His name is Blaine."  
  
"I don't see her right now, but my host sister is Lindsay Tuggey."  
  
Ray perked. "Really? Oh I know her, we're pretty good friends."  
  
"She's very lovely. Whose your host family, Ray?"  
  
"The Joneses, and my brother is Michael. I have a few older ones but only Michael goes here."  
  
"Michael Jones..." "Is he the brunette that yells a lot? Glasses? Really Funny?"  
  
"Michael is fucking hilarious yeah. That's him alright." "Is the assembly about to start? Let's take some candy, we've definitely fucking earned it." Quickly and not so swiftly, Ray dumped the remaining contents of the bowls they had been holding into his backpack and they all, as nonchalantly as possible, handed the large plastic bowls to a teacher and say on the bottom most bleachers assigned to them, giving them easy access to the center of the gym when they had to get up.  
  
Moments later the rest of the reserved spots were filled and Ray was soon sitting nestled between Sadaat and Barbara. Below him was the floor and behind him was Tina and her friends sitting near the bottom like she said. There were eight students, just as Tina had told him. In addition to Barbara, Tatyana, Sadaat, Caiti, and himself, there was Samir of Tanzania, Al from Germany, and Carmen was from Argentina. Almost as if their unity triggered something, soon after they were all seated the principle began speaking, and two cheers lead by the cheerleaders and two boring speeches about sports later, they were finally called to the center of the gym where they all stood in a line in front of a microphone.

  
When they went back to their seats everyone was eating the candy from Ray's backpack.  
  
"Let's gossip." Carmen said as the group of eight sat back down. "Who's the most scandalous person you know of in the school so far?"  
  
Caiti began. "There's this horrible cheerleader named Destie who's just awful. Once she picked on me because of a bunny ear headband I was wearing."  
  
Barbara's eyes widen. "Oh my god, right? She's such a whore and she's disrespectful, annoying...I just can't stand her. And she has to get with like every popular guy and she can't stand to be single."  
  
"She was practically getting with Joel Heyman in the gym the other day."  
  
Tatyana scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I'm not surprised, Joel's the Basketball team captain right? They're both popular sporty types, they're made for each other."  
  
"I don't think Caboose would stoop so low, don't be so Goal-ible." Barbara grinned and looked around her, searching for someone who found her pun funny. Tamir and Sadaat chuckled out of politeness, but everyone else either groaned or booed the girl.   
  
"What's so special about caboose that he's become the central topic so quickly?" Tina asked. "I barely know who that is, but I have heard of him."  
  
One of Tina's friends squealed at the name. "I think Joel's gonna ask me to the dance."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Because he's always nice to me and he flirts with me."  
  
"Well, he does that with pretty much anything female. He can't keep his hands off of a girls' heart."  
  
"He just likes to make girls feel good about themselves."  
  
"He likes to make them feel good in other ways, too."

It struck him like a sudden punch to the stomach.

"I think Joel Heyman might like me," said one girl. "he kept on complimenting me during drama club, and he's also friendly to me. Like, very friendly."

"He's like that to everyone." another denounced her idea. "He is nice and a wonderful, but he's just too much of a flirt."

That couldn't have been true, could it? "He's dated like every girl and then breaks up with them so quickly, and you can definitely guess why. Hit it and quit it much?"

"You don't know that."

"But it's probable. Besides that, he's friendly towards everyone, it's the way he is. It isn't anything special if he acts a bit too friendly or a bit too 'flirtatious'." There had to be some way to find out for sure. Damn those fangirls. What did they know? Joel wasn't like that, why did everyone say that? Even his own mother.

_"...don't tell me he's one of those hit it and quit it types. Because they not only make for bad lovers, but they also...they make for bad friends. It's amazing how nice someone can appear on the surface, and how much they may seem to like you, yet they'd betray you in a heartbeat."_

He knew she meant well, and what she spoke of was true. You are against someone or you are for them, that's something Mrs. Narvaez taught and lived by, as did Ray. But he didn't want to hear that, not about Joel. Joel was for him and he was his friend.   
  
As if sensing Ray's growing irritation Barbara suddenly said, "Okay well I don't care about Joel at the moment. Highlight of my day: Arryn Zech asked me to the winter dance." Tatyana and Carmen aww'd as the blonde grinned and blushed. "She like walks up to me with a card and chocolates and she asked me and I'm like 'sure' and it was just so lovely."  
  
"I'm still not sure who Arryn is," Ray said. "You'll have to show me her after the assembly."  
  
  
Once the principle dismissed everyone to go to their next classes Barbara grabbed Ray's hand and practically dragged him across the gym and out of the east doors and into the commons where students were gather to talk before they went to class. Amongst the chaos a noise, Barbara was looking around in every which direction. She stood on the tips of her toes and moved side to side to look around bodies until she clearly spotted her target, and pulled Ray forward. She stopped them in front of a very cute girl with fair smooth and eyes of auburn-green. The black locks just barely resting on her shoulders and her high cheekbones only enhanced her good locks. She was an absolute beauty. She gave the two a small timid smile when she noticed them approaching.  
  
"Hey Barbara. Hey Ray."  
  
"Hi there, Arryn."  
  
"Oh, you know my name." She chirped.  
  
"Oooh do I, you're all Barbs talks about lately."  
  
"Awe, did she tell you the awesomely romantic and sweet way I asked her to the winter dance?"  
  
"Yeah, she has. You're quite the Casanova, I understand why she's so fond of you."  
...  
Ray walked with Arryn and Barbara up to an intersection where he had to go down the hall opposite of them. After bidding them farewell, he rushed to his Ceramics class because he had the class with Adam, and he had questions for him.  
...  
"Dang...Ray?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"What the hells up with Joel? He's acting strange lately, stranger than usual that is."  
  
"He is. I mean he was swimming in the pink earlier today, maybe he's lovestruck."  
  
"Lovestruck? That would be interesting, haven't seen that since, well never. Sure the guys had a shitload of girlfriends but ya know. Heh, they usually don't last."  
  
He couldn't hold it in any longer, he needed to know, and now he had the chance. "True. What's the thing with that? Is Joel a player?"  
  
"I would like to think that Joel isn't like that. But, he flies through girls so quickly. Seriously he could break up with someone and be dating someone new the next day, literally. He's doing better with it lately, but...maybe he is. Maybe he isn't, or at least not trying to be."  
  
He raised a quizzical eyebrow at the older boy. "What other reason is there?"  
  
"Trying to prove something? Trying to feel better about himself?"  
  
It became a chore to keep his voice from sounding angry and he pretended to look for something in his backpack so Adam wouldn't see the irritable expression. "Prove what? That he's all that because he can get bitches? Everyone thinks that whether he's single or not." He remarked sourly.  
  
"That's absolutely true, so I doubt that's what he's trying to prove and I would certainly rule our feeling better about himself."  
  
"What could Joel Heyman wanna prove to people? Practically everyone likes him and he's just...well he's Joel."  
  
"Hah, yeah. He has the stereotypical perfect life of a teenager. Still, he's a strange character. He isn't the type you can look at and just know what he's thinking. So like I said, I would hope he isn't a player, I mean I love girls just as much as the next guy but it's still a dick move."  
  
"Total dick move," Ray repeated.   
\---  
Joel stared in awe at her, struggling to count in his mind. Though he'd never dare say it, except for the sake of being polite, Kara's voice captivated him, and he knew she was the perfect choice for this role. The song fell sweetly on his ears as he took it in, nearly forgetting they were on a stage and not on a snowy rooftop in France.  
  
"Say you'll love me every waking moment...turn my head with talk of summertime. Say you'll need me with you now and always. Promise me that all you say is true...that's all I ask of you."  
  
"Let me be your shelter. Let me be your light, you're safe, no one will find you. Your fears are far behind you..."  
  
"All I want is freedoms, a world with no more lies. And you, right here beside me to hold me and to hide me."  
  
"Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime. Let me lead you from your solitude. Say you need me with you here beside you. Anywhere you go let me go with you...Christine, that's all I ask of you."  
  
He didn't, rather he couldn't, come out of his trance until what he considered the climax of the song came, where their voices intertwined. It was toward the end of the song and yet it was the most powerful part, and the calm cool down, with it's sudden entrance, served to emphasize the vigor of the seven words.  
  
"Anywhere you go let me go, too! Love me, that's all I ask of you..." Joel was disappointed when the song ended, that was a everyday thing after rehearsals and throughout the rest of it, he continued to think of lovely song.  
....  
  
"Joel Heyman, with his usual lovely voice."  
  
"Thank you, Ryan Haywood isn't too bad himself." The older replied as they helped put away the last of the props. As they prepared to leave, Kara approached the two with a smile on her face.   
  
"We're gonna go to Grif's house in like 20 minutes, you guys are going I'm assume?"  
  
Joel hesitated. He recalled Church telling him about the little get together, but it was earlier today AFTER he made plans with Ray. But he was weary of working hard and bored, and would take relaxation and a carefree night over studying at this point "I'm going," he nodded. "Are you, Ry?"  
  
"Yeah, I plan too go once I leave here, actually."  
  
"Nice," she sung, turning away from them. "See you there then."  
  
"'Kay," Mumbled the young men as they both pulled out their phones. Ryan texting Jack about the small party and Joel sending a message to Ray.  
  
Joel: hey, sorry but I can't study tonight, busy as fuck  
Ray: seriously? Okay, well if you can please try to find some time to study on your own we present TOMORROW.  
Joel: okay...see you then cutie ;)  
Ray: lol okay?  
  
Joel sighed and put his phone back in his pocket as he followed Ryan out of the theatre, mouth practically. It felt as though centuries had passed since his lips touched alcohol, and any party of Geoff Ramsey was guaranteed to have it. For a moment he wondered it he what he was going to do was okay, maybe he should text Ray back, and say he could study tonight after all? Perhaps he should at least give Ray a reason. No, the senior figured, Ray doesn't drink so he wouldn't understand. He didn't understand the first time Joel skipped out on a study session, either.  
  
No, Ray could never understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must admit I don't much care for this chapter. It was hard to write, but things are spicing up from here on out so these chapters will hopefully be easier and therefore come out more often!


	8. 3,2,1, ACCEPT!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realization strikes Joel, let's see what happens...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would've like for this to have came out earlier, but balancing final exams, work, and other fics ain't always easy. :( 
> 
> But I'm done with fall semester so hopefully I'll be spitting these things out quicker for awhile, and actually finish my other works' chapters.

It was like a lion that hadn't been fed in weeks. Like a mighty whale swallowing oceans of water. It was similar to how a snake strikes its prey with no thought of mercy...Joel's guilt was consuming him. So, after 25 minutes of talking to people and playing a hand of Texas Hold 'em, he submitted to the angel on his shoulder and pulled out his phone and typed out a text message to the contact 'Ray-Vaez'.

Joel: If you're still available, I can come over   
Ray: good, be over in about 20 minutes   
Joel: okay

"Fuck. Geoff?" The aforementioned gent turned to look at the man who'd just called his name. His NAME. Not his nickname, but his name, and being around the guys for years let him know this: if someone in the group has a nickname and you call them by their given name, they mean business. Even regardless of this rule Joel's face gave it away, a mix of sadness, confusion, and unease.

He sat down next to the older and placed a caring hand on his shoulder. "Yeah, Joel? What's up buddy?"

"I'm gonna have to leave for a few hours, 3 or 4 actually."

"Okay, that's fine dude the party's going on till at least 1 in the morning. Wanna talk about it? Whatever it is."

He beckoned the gent outside and they sat on the swinging bench. Joel looked up at the sky and he exhaled, trying to find the words to explain. "I was going to be an asshole and skip out on Yomary, Tex, and Sarge today, you know the whole opera thing. And frankly...I woulda been okay with that, but I'm gonna go after all. I also woulda been skipping out on studying with Ray, but I do care about that actually, so I'm gonna do it also. Most definitely."

"...go on..." Geoff wasn't quite seeing where he was going with this.

"It's been 25 minutes since I texted Ray saying I wouldn't be able to come and just a minute ago I texted again saying I can after all. Throughout those 25 minutes my chest was aching and guilt just totally fucked me. I still feel like an idiot because I was going to miss a chance to be near him, and still regret the first time I did it to goto Sarge's last party. I care for Ray much more than I realized then."

"You were skeptical about how much you care for him, but now you're accepting it."

The senior nodded and chuckled before bringing his head into his hands. "Pretty much. I'm such a mess, Geoff. I really CARE for Ray, like CARE."

A cheeky smile slowly creeped on his face. Partially because he'd always had some suspicion and shipped the two of them, and partially because he was honored Joel him, he assumed, before anyone else. "Awww, you lovestruck bitch. You gotta crush. Well," Geoff's tone instantly went from serious to cheerful. "glad we had this talk, and congratulations. Seriously, I imagine it would be hard to come to terms with this, it's a big leap from girls."

He shrugged and gave him a lazy smile. "Eh, it's awkward more than anything. It's a crush...like...I know those aren't a bit deal, but this is a whole new gender, so it's sorta a big deal under these circumstances."

"It is," Geoff agreed. "because I'm guessin you're gay or bi, right?"

"Woah Geoffrey, let's not get ahead of stuff. A mere crush doesn't change much about a man, even if it's on...another man. I still like girls. I'm not attracted to guys except Ray, little fucker's just so cute and hilarious and great."

He could concur with the opinion, but putting his 2 cent in probably wouldn't sit right with Joel. Any person gay or straight--man or woman--would likely say Ray is an adorable little fuck with a remarkable sense of humor and was of a likable disposition. "Fair enough," he chuckled. Then, he gestured to the door. "so don't waste your time here, go to him. But we're gonna talk about this more later."

"Right." When he was standing in the doorway he looked back with a look of real gratitude in his brown eyes. "And thanks Geoff, for being so understanding and kind about it." 

"Anytime Joel, never forget that you can talk to be about things, buddy. I'm here for you always." Joel bid him farewell one last time before shutting the door and walking to his car. He had a smile on his face as he anticipated his time with Ray, and he felt light. His soul felt lighter and it felt like he could breath freely, the stones on his chest gone. It was a relief to finally come to terms with his feelings and talk to someone about, and at last he was welcoming it.

 

When Joel rung the doorbell nothing happened for a moment. The silence was replaced with the sound of feet moving and the movement of a door. Standing before him was a tall man with wavy dark locks and glasses. He could see Michael in the man who must have been his father."

"Hi," he said with a smile. "are you the friend Ray's having over?"

"I am, nice to meet you Mr. Jones, I'm Joel."

Mr. Jones back away from the door and beckoned him inside before sticking his hand out. "It's nice to meet you, too." Joel shook his hand. "Ray's up in his room. Probably. Maybe. If not he's in the basement."

"Okay, thanks." Joel started up the stairs he'd been pointed to and instantly he was confused. The first floor hallway was long and there were 5 doors, all of wish were closed. When he looked back Mr. Jones had already returned to watching television and didn't want to disrupt him, and he didn't dare open up every door until he found Ray's room. He would feel awkward knocking on every door as well, but it was the best option he had. But then the idea of waiting until he came out of the room appealed to him, but that would be a waste of time. Finally he settled on guessing which door was Ray's and knocked on it. 'Come on in', a familiar accented voice called, and he sighed gratefully at his luck. 

The lad was on his bed with a Nintendo ds when he looked up to see who had entered. "Hey. Glad you could come 'cause we have shitloads to do."

"Do we? It's just a spee...conversa...essay...what the fuck is it again I don't even remember."

"A call and response type thing. We ask each other questions and we have to memorize the answers to them."

"Okay, easy enough."

Ray scoffed as he went to his backpack and searched for his papers. "Hah, yeah so simple."

The senior already had his in hand, and without warning began throwing questions at him in French. "What's you're name?"

"My name is Ray."

"How old are you?"

"I'm 16 years old. And you?"

"18. What do you do in your free time."

Ray's response was more question like in nature on account of the fact that he had very little understanding of the question, only the words 'free time' sticking out. "In my free time... I play video games and listen to music often? And you?"

"When I have time on my hands--that is whenever I'm free from anything school related--I play video games, or I play with my younger sister. I also like to go out with my friends." 

"Excuse me?" 

"When I have time on-"

"Fuck French," Ray slammed his journal down on the bed. "fuck languages, all of 'em." 

"French definitely isn't easy but don't get discouraged. It's a pretty sounding language and it's cool to know...at least to me it is."

"You don't seem like the type that'd be so interested in such things, well at least not the type to really express it because you're so mellow."

"Mellow? Mmm, I don't know if I'd say that."

"Well whatever you are, I'm gonna ask you some hard ass questions right now and see how you like it. H-how...how was your day today?"

"My day was lovely because I got to spend time with you, my friend."

"Okay so I understood 'my day' and 'my friend'. It's 'mi amis right?"

"Bon. Heh that's correct." To shield his now blushing face he raised the paper to shroud his face, he felt cheeky that he could flirt without the consequences of sounding too forward."

"Great. I got a day one word down finally, okay next question: What have you eaten today?"

"Today I have eaten many things, it's hard to remember it all and it is a lot to say."

"Ugh! I hate you, why does your voice sound so smooth and natural when you speak it, but mine doesn't?" Ray pouted. "You sound like a native speaker and I just sound gross and awkward."

"You don't need to sound good in French, I bet with that accent you sound wonderful when you speak Spanish, you certainly do in English."  
\---

When he looked back and saw Joel lying on his bed he went over and whacked him with his notebook. "Get up asshole, we got work to do."

"We practiced literally 15 times without a break, let's just...chill for a moment okay." 

"Lllleeet's not. If you woulda been taking this more seriously we wouldn't have to cram." He whacked Joel with his notebook again but he only whined and rolled over to get farther away from the lad. Ray leaned over the bed, arms supporting his upper body. "You're a child."

"Damn right I am. And you know what those do? They procrastinate and they rest. It's just a break, relax." Joel took hold of him under his arms and pulled him onto the bed. Now, they were lying on their sides facing each other. Ray's face so close to his, beautiful brown eyes blinking at him. "See?"

"Umm, heh y-yeah," He replied timidly. "pretty relaxing."

They lied there in silence for a moment, contemplating what to say to each other. For a moment, the idea of telling Ray why he originally wasn't going to come appealed to him. He also thought of telling him why he came after all, but he figured both of those things would be bad to say at this time. Besides, telling Ray how he felt was treading too deep into this, it was a simple crush. He didn't need a world of people questioning him about his sexuality, especially since they wouldn't believe him when he told them he was straight. Running the risk of scaring Ray off wasn't on his agenda, either. 

"Hey, Joel?"

"Yea?"

Ray chewed on his lip before answering, almost long enough for the older to ask if he was okay. "Do you...I mean-when was the last time you had a girlfriend?"

"Uhhh this summer. Her name was Amy."

"The pink haired chick?"

"Yeah, we lasted a month and a half I think," he chucked as he said that, imagining how pathetic he must have seemed to Ray in that moment.

"Is that so? what ended it?"

"We just weren't compatible, no chemistry ya know? We didn't dislike each other but after awhile we saw that the romance just wasn't there." His eyes grew sadder and his face suddenly became darker at the memory as it reminded him of a terrible truth: that summed up every relationship he's had every, excluding his time with Kathleen. "Frankly, that's what happened in nearly all of my relationships."

Those words really got to Ray. Maybe that was the reason Joel's dated so many girls: he was desperate to find his ideal partner. He wanted to ask if that was correct, but being nosy wasn't his thing. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yup, guess I'm not that lucky when it comes to romance."

"Well you're still young, a high schooler. Most people are at least in their twenties when they get married. I'd say the most common age to get married is 25, so you have 7 years to find your dream girl." 

"I guess. That's something, you've told me something I haven't thought about that much. It's crossed my mind but it didn't occur to me that I have all this time, because young folk don't really get hung up on stuff like that. You're wiser than your years. And weird."

"Eh, I don't have much life experience, it makes up about 10% of my wisdom."

"And the remaining 90 percent?"

Ray blushed as he answered, he was embarrassed albeit the small smile on his face. "My mama, of course."

The senior reached forward to pinch his cheek. "Aww, you little mama's boy."

"Fuck off," he shook his head to released in and rubbed his cheek. It still tingled from Joel's touch. "hah, I'm just really fond of her."

"I've noticed. But I'm not judging, it's pretty nice actually. So why are you so attached to your mom? I'm just curious."

"I'm so attached to her because...she's the sun to my sky." Joel snicker at the analogy, and even he did after replaying it in his head. "Okay that was cheesy, but she really. Throughout my childhood she supported me in a way no one else could or even tried. When I cried of when I was sad, she wouldn't leave me alone until I was happy again, and when I was lacking confidence she saw to it I got it back. My mama is so devoted to my brother and I's happiness it's astonishing. She gives us her all, and she cares for us more than anything else, even herself. Our welfare is such a high priority to her and she insures it without fail. Plus she always babied me because I'm the youngest, I guess." He added timidly. 

"Your mama sounds like a very remarkable woman, I'd like to meet her one day. Didn't know you had a brother, though." 

The Puerto Ricans eyes lit up. "You can," he chirped. "at about 6 we can talk to her through WebChatz. Yeah he's a year and a half older than I, his name is Matias."

"Matias and Ray...has a nice ring to it. Does he WebChatz you often?"

"Naw, we talk on the phone and text mostly."

"It's just adorable that you're the babied type," Joel said with great amusement in his voice. "nobody could guess by the way you are, you would have to tell them about your mama for them to know."

"So you're calling ME adorable or just that characteristic about me?"

"The latter."

"Oh. Well, I would've have minded being adorable, but..."

"I just pretty much said you're a sturdy person, what more do you want from me?"

"Sturdy? Have you seen my body? I'm fragile as fuck."

"I mean mentally. You're the kind of person that doesn't give a shit what others think of you, insults and hate don't faze you, and you'll stand up to people twice your size as if you were five times there's," he saw Ray's face reddening at the praise and his may have been too, but he said all of this anyway. "You're brave and tough. I wouldn't expect that from a mamas boy."

"Well, ya know. I was taught to be strong, but it's not like my mama's shaped everything about me, a lot of me has the 'don't give a fuck' attitude to it. I only care about things that are important and everything else just doesn't even touch my conscience. I've had to learn to do that."

"I admire that, it's a very useful and important trait in life."

"You say that as if you long to have such a trait."

"I do!"

"Bull fucking shit," Ray gave him an incredulous smile. "don't see Joel Heyman lacking in anything like that."

"Well, I mean-I do have the mentality in which insignificant things don't effect me, but I'd like to have better control over what's insignificant and what's not." 'Like you,' he thought. 'you've been running my emotions a lot lately.'

"You sound just like my friend, Sam."

"Oh yeah?"

"Mhmm, he was my best friend actually. He was always admiring me for my 'toughness' as well. Don't worry about it too much. Maybe it'll rub off on you from me." 

He decided against questioning it, but for some reason Ray's face grew a bit darker when he mentioned the boy named Sam, and as quickly as it'd darkened it lightened again. "Heh, yeah, maybe."

"That's the spirit! Now get your ass up we're practicing some more."   
Reluctantly the senior rolled out of the bed and forced himself to stand up. He picked up his notebook as if it we're painful to the touch and sighed tiredly.  
\---  
The get together Joel left had escalated quickly, that is for Geoff anyway. He'd been stressed out over big projects and juggling these things with basketball, photography club, and gaming council. By his 4th beer he was already feeling out of it. He could typically hold his alcohol better, so maybe it was because of his empty stomach that the drunkenness got to him quicker? As Matt walked passed him he tapped his arm and began to whine.

"Sarge, those assholes didn't come to party thingy."

"Who didn't come?"

"Michael, Kerry, Miles, Monty, Gavin..."

"The people who hate the basketball teams guts? Or any jock's for that matter...of course they didn't come."

"We are not JOCKS," he shook his head to emphasize the word. "those assholes out there are jocks. We are 'mock jocks'--you, Grif, Sarge, Church, Caboose, Tucker, Jack, Ryan, Blaine and I."

Matt raised an eyebrow at the tipsy guy, although his talking was comical more than anything. "You know you mentioned us in that list...twice. But anyway, what are 'mock jocks'?"

"People who hang out with jocks, look like a jock, play sports, but aren't truly jocks. They're nice and don't bully nerds and so on, US basically."

"Ooh, okay I can understand that. But those others out there...they're real jocks and even the cool ones wouldn't get along with them. Remember what happened the last time they were under the same roof."

He did remember very well. It was the last party at Matt's house and all of his friend, regardless of their status at school, came to it. If one of the guys from the team even looked at Michael for too long he got pissed up and threw a nasty comment their way. If it was one of the cool ones they'd simply flip him off and go back to what they were doing. But when it was someone like Lance VonHauser, Travis Smith, or Hunter Ford, disastrous things were afoot. 

At the party Michael had tackled Gavin to the ground over a game of Modern Warfare 4, a few airstrikes and rv explosions later he was furious at his cheeky boyfriend. And as if Hunter could refuse, when someone asked what was going on he replied rudely.

"They're being creepy ass faggots."

All of Michael's movements came to a instant halt albeit his head turning to face the junior. "Excuse you, what was that?"

"I said you're being abuncha fags!" Immediately the lad sprung up and charged the older. Punches and kicks were thrown, furniture bumped into, and others eventually involved. Lance had gotten up to pull Michael away and Ryan got up to pull Hunter off, causing him to knock a can of beer out of lances hand and into the lap of Burnie. Outraged, he took Lance for himself and the two fought until somehow 9 people were involved and Matt had to forcefully end the party, with the help of others naturally.

"Huh, do I. But still, we could try again. I hate having two sets of friends, even if one set is mostly a group of bitches that we...tolerate more than actually like," he giggled around the words. "I'd like for is to coexist."

"Is that the booze talking or Grif Ramsey?"

"A bit of both, probably," he admitted.

"Hmph, figures. Anyway...where did Caboose go? He was here like 30 minutes ago and suddenly he isn't."

"He had to go to Michael's house to study with Ray, they have a study session for French class or something."

The senior shook his head in shame. "Really, those poor souls. Thank CHRIST we take German, we never have to do that kinda shit."

"Hah, yeah. Deutsch ist ganz erstaunlich..."

"...Aber Spanisch und Französisch sind doch schrecklich."

"Weißt du, daß Joel in der liebe mit Ray ist?"

"Bist du verruckter Oder? Kannst du das bitte auf Englisch sagen?"

"Joel has the hots for Ray, dude. He was gonna stay at the party but left because he felt guilty about ditching him."

"Awww that motherfucker-"

"RAYfucker, mind you," Geoff corrected.

"Hah, yeah...when was the last time he ditched him?"

"For your party."

"Oh, that's a dick move...i like booze as much as the next guy but I wouldn't choose it over my crush. Ever."

"Well, Joel is almost as bad as I am when it comes to that stuff."

"But you wouldn't pick booze over Griffon."

Just the mention of her name was enough to make him smile. "No, but she's my girlfriend, not just my crush."

"Yeah," the older mused. "yes you're girlfriend. As in the person you're dating...well. I think it's about time we play matchmaker, Grif."

"Matchmaker? Well shit, call me Dr. Grif, at least while Ray and/or Joel is near."

"Got it, when do we begin? I want this to kick off soon, but not too soon to where it's weird."

"Why would beginning it soon be weird?"

"Because Joel just got comfortable with the idea, at least somewhat comfortable. This is his first crush on a guy, it's a big leap from gals so he's likely still uneasy about it."

"Good point. It should be after you all get back from the opera. Better yet, tomorrow at school. I'll talk to caboose because technically you're not supposed to know about this yet, and you talk to Ray."

"Okay. Ray's in my ceramics class and my lunch shift, I'll talk to him then."

"Sounds great. I'll take Joel to the library during homeroom, and we also have a few classes together." Geoff held his hand out for Matt to shake. "Operation Joel Narvaez is a go." 

"Why did you decide Joel is the one that gets his last name changed?"

"Because he's a bitch." 

Unable to oppose the statement, he laughed at it instead and shook the extended hand, making the plan official.

 

Ryan was sure he was going lose the last of his sanity before the game was over. He'd learned in the past that going to an arcade with Gavin was an act only an imbecile would go through with.

"Gavin, if you keep pulling my hair I will end you with knives."

"I have to, Rye-Bread, between you and Micool your hair is the most similar to Ray's and I always mess with his."

"Then why isn't he here being tortured instead of me?!"

Michael snorted from the machine across from theirs. "Because he's a bitch," he joked. "He'd rather go somewhere with Joel."

"But he'll be here soon, right?"

"Yeah, he was willing to miss the movie but he told me to text him whenever we got to the arcade so he'll probably be here in like three seconds."

"So tell me, Micool, what's it like having a brother that would rather go round with Joel Heyman than you?"

"Well I'm not that surprised, honestly. There must be some reason everyone likes him, musta got to Ray."

The Brit nodded in agreement. "Yeah...Joel's got great hair and he's healthy and very hot."

"Absolutely great hair," Sarcasm overtook his tone. "And you know what I've heard about Joel?"

"What?"

"The most notable think about him: Humongous penis."

"I've heard he can use it well."

"Um," Ryan chimed in. "heard from who? As shocking as it is, I'm pretty sure Joel's a virgin."

"Maybe he is, but he could have just showed it to someone. He could very well be showing it to Ray right now."

"How probable do you think it is that he's doing that right now?"

The curly haired lad cackled at the thought. Not just because it was vulgar and funny, but because he wouldn't be surprised if it were true. "Pretty fucking likely, not even gonna lie. The fuckers are attached to the hip, I go into Ray's room and he's talking to Joel on the phone or something."

"How much do you guys wanna bet they'll be dating before the end of this semester?"

"I'm almost tempted to take you up on that bet, Ryan, but Ray's in a little shell currently, it'll be by the end of the next semester probably."

Ryan glanced over at Michael for a moment before concentrating on his game again. "Is he? He seems pretty outgoing."

"Well normally, yeah, but when it comes to romance Ray's like," He altered his voice to sound more hispanic. "'Love? Dating? What's that?'" 

"Let's force him to know what dating is." The two lads looked at each other and then at Ryan, slightly disturbed. "I mean like hook them up or something with innuendos and such."

"Will he understand if we use innuendos?" Gavin asked.

"I can make myself understood. I'll talk to Joel tomorrow."

"We'll be like bloody matchmaker miracle workers. Micool and I will talk to Ray during homeroom in the reading room."

"Nice, I'll talk to Joel. We have AP chemistry and Theatre Study together. Now we need to name this mission."

"Operation Ray Heyman!" Gavin shouted. "Joel is obviously the more dominant between the two of them, so Ray will take his last name." 

\--- chapter 7.5: Operation Joel (Ray) Narvaez (Heyman)---

When he entered the room that Friday morning, it was as if Geoff was waiting for him. As soon as he spotted Joel he got up and began leading him to the door, and when asked where they were going he simply replied 'somewhere'. Finally they reached the library and he lead them to a table in the very back where no one was near to listen to them.

"Hey, buddy." 

Joel half smiled at him and shifted in his chair. "Hey, Grif."

"How was your study session with Ray yesterday?"

"It was boring frankly, but it was nice to see him. We went out to eat afterward, then I dropped him off at an arcade to hang with some guys before I went to the opera with Sarge, Sheila, and Tex."

He nodded with interest. "Oh? How was the opera?"

"Amazing, they sung songs in many languages and every single one was beautiful. Oh and uh I almost forgot...I talked to Ray's mom via WebChatz yesterday."

"What's she like?"

In a nutshell she's sweet and funny."

"So that's where Ray gets it...you two are really getting close."

He smiled as he mused at the possibility. "Mhmm, I'd like to think so."

"You need to ask him out, dude. Fuck the predate stage and go on to dating, you've met his mom, taken him places, you've been to each other's houses, and you're totally crushing on him. Nothing's missing."

"Something is missing: I'm pretty sure Ray isn't crushing on me, how could I possibly know?"

Geoff seemed to think on the matter for a few seconds before taking his phone out of his pocket. "I would just hang around him like you're doing and ease into a conversation that let's you know if he's gay. Ya know like when you're with him go like, 'those girls are pretty hot right?' or better yet, 'would you ever date a girl like that?' That'll get an answer more about sexuality."

"I know he's gay already, he told me about a summer fling he once had with a guy. The problem is finding out if he likes me. But to be frank, even if he does, just because one has a crush doesn't necessarily mean they have strong enough feelings to actually wanna go out with that person. It's just a mess, dude, it's like-"

"-part of you feels confident you want to be with him but there's some lingering doubt that doesn't want to fall to deep into this because it's a mere crush and you don't want to end up getting into something, changing your kind, and then having to find a way to undo it all?"

The older nodded with approval, impressed by how much he understood his feeling. "...uh, yeah that's a much more clearer than how I woulda said it. It would suck to end up dating him and then later just find out I was going through a gay phase." 'Gay'. That word still felt wrong on Joel's tongue, not because he disapproved of what the word meant but because he wasn't sure how the word applied to him. He still didn't know what he was or what he truly wanted to be. 

"Surely don't want that, something like that could seriously hurt someone and then you end up with two big regrets in life."

Geoff: find out if Ray is crushing on anyon. Like even besides Joel anyone whose a guy. Joel told me Ray had a summer fling with a guy once and that he's gay.

He ended up clicking the wrong contact. Instead of 'sarge' he selected the one under it, 'Tuggmeister'.

Lindsay: why do you wanna know that? And what's it gotta be a guy?  
Geoff: fuck shit cock ass dildo hell damn cunt, sorry wrong person.  
Lindsay: do you have suspicions that Ray likes Joel's and/or vice versa?  
Geoff: you said it not I. Lol no one else was supposed to know but I sent that text to you and not sarge  
Lindsay: you were gonna let Matt know and not me?! Where is your homeroom I'm going there.  
Geoff: I left homeroom to talk about it with Joel so we're in the library  
Lindsay: on my way.  
Geoff: ok but be gentle with Joel, he's still adjusting to his crush on Ray Narvaez jr   
Geoff: oops did I say that?  
Lindsay: probably... it's on your phone screen, isn't it?  
Geoff: lulz 

"Hey so, Lindsay will be here in a moment."

"Okay, but why?"

"She may have overheard me talking to myself earlier," he lied, fidgeting with his hands awkwardly. He felt so proud of the fib he made up on the spot that he was congratulating himself mentally. "aaaand now she knows about the crush too."

"Grif...you're so full of shit. Why'd you tell her dude?"

"I didn't! At least not purposely? Fuck, okay. After you left Sarge's house I got drunk at some point and told him. I was just texting him to ask what he thought about it, if he believed it and shit and ended up clicking Lindsay's contact instead. That's the truth." At least most of it, he didn't dare tell Joel about the operation. "I'm sorry."

 

About five minutes later the red haired girl was walking up to them and sat down with them. Immediately she moved her chair so she was facing Joel and began interrogating him. "So do you know what his summer fling looked like? What he was like, etc?"

"Well...he was British. Big ass eyebrows, dark brown hair, even darker eyes, fairly tall and fit, good looking overall. Ray met him at some science nerd convention where he and another guy showed cool things in slow motion."

"The slo mo guys?"

"Yeah, that's it. What were you all there too?"

"No, but we happen to know who that other guy is."

"Who?"

"Our Gavin Free. He and Dan are friends and do that stuff together, but every since Gavin moved a few years back they can only do it when one of them comes to the others country. This summer that passed Gavin's family was in Britain, so I bet Dan's family is gonna be visiting soon."

An disgusted frown formed on his face. "They are? Heh, so I'll have some competition. When Ray was telling me about his fling with this 'Dan' guy, he still seemed like he wasn't at peace with it. Dan was the one who ended, and Ray didn't want it to end...I think Ray still holds onto what they had."

"We don't know that, we can always find out somehow. It's hard to tell which on of you, two total opposites, is his type."

Geoff: I've gathered new info: Ray is into the D, find out if he likes anyone.  
Matt: Roger  
Geoff: no I'm Geoff  
Matt: you're buttface  
Geoff: okay :(  
Matt: Just kidding you're great  
Geoff: damn right I am.

"What're you doing? Last time you typed stuff on your phone we got an extra person in this."

"Just Sarge, who already knows."

"And what are to texting him?"

"Get off my balls, man, just a normal conversation."  
\---  
...  
At lunch the typical order they sat in around the circular table was Michael, Gavin, Ray, Matt, Miles, Monty, Jack, and Kdin. Perfect for Matt. While everyone else was absorbed in their conversations Ray was absorbed in thought and quiet. Also perfect for Matt. 

"You okay, Ray? You seem sad."

"Uhh no, just lost in thought really."

"What're you thinkin' of? Got a cute du-dame on your mind?"

"Naw, don't have the time anyway. So I work my ass off for this French project I have...come to class the teacher changes the assignment. This one is easier, but she coulda scraped the old one before I out effort into it."

"She sounds like an unprepared hag."

"Hah, yeeaah exactly absolutely irresponsible."

"You have that class with Michael and caboose, right? Actually I should already know that because he was telling me about your project you were doing together."

"Did he? Did he mention the times he was a lazy fuck and didn't work on it?"

"Yes he did actually. For what it's worth he feels bad about it and he told me he'd make up for it."

"He stayed true to his words. Yesterday I got him to practice for over an hour with literally two breaks, and then we went to get food so that was cool."

"That was really nice considering it's Caboose Heyman, but I think he was planning on doing even more."

"More? Hell he was a bad partner not some guy that tried to murder me, he's going hardcore with the making up thing I woulda been happy with just the hours of studying."

"Joel's the type of guy where if he does something wrong, no matter how minor, he won't let go of it that easy."

"I can tell. Then what's the other thing he wanted to do?"

"Oh uh, all kinds of stuff. A movie, stroll through the park, dinner, just hangin out."

"Hanging out? That sounds more like a fucking date old people go on, def not teenagers just chillin'."

"Well, caboose is weird. I dunno you'd have to ask him about it for it to make more sense."

"Yeah he's weird as fuck so I'll definitely ask to get the full det-"

"Gavin, no!" Michael shouted loudly, enough for people from surrounding tables to hear. 

"No no no just watch, boys," he giggled as he picked up Ray's spoon. He held the spoon perpendicular to the table, rested an apple slice in the head of it and pulled it back, making a catapult. "I'm just gonna do it this."

"Where do you plan on that landing, Gavin?" Monty asked. "In some poor students spaghetti or a window?"

"Where ever it lands, this'll be absolutely DELUXE." He released the spoon and surprisingly, the apple slice went far. It flew through the air before landing right on a guy's head a few table away, causing Gavin and the others to howl with laughter. Initially they thought it was Blaine, but it turned out to be the dude sitting next to him: a mean, lecherous boy on the basketball team.

Michael snickered as he turned around. "Nice Gav, that was fucking 'deluxe'."

"Cheers, Micool."

"Who is that guy," Kerry asked. "somehow I don't know him."

Sarge looked over at the young man, still looking around confused, with a look of disgust on his face. "That's Jason ford, Hunter ford's brother and a fucking asshole. He makes Hunter look like a goody-two shoes."

Jack nodded in agreement. "If he sees a guy with his girlfriend the moment she's alone he'll hit on her. Filthy mother fucker."

"He's a bitch ass buster," Michael snapped.

Gavin let out a laugh when the boy stood up still holding the piece of apple, looking around as if scouting out the area. He was the spitting image of a stereotypical jock: hair gelled to stick up, varsity jacket with jeans, fit, and a face that reeked of inadequate intellect. "Do you suppose he's angry?" 

"I wonder that myself," Ray commented and earned laughs from everyone. 

"I bet he's fine," Replied Gavin as he grinned and waved at Blaine. By the look on his face, he knew who'd flung the apple slice and he found it hilarious. The grin on his face was just as big as he waved back.   
...  
His walk to the west exit was interrupted by a big hand grasping his shoulder. "Hey."

"Sup?"

"You know I've been thinking of what I'm gonna do for that French project. I want to do a poem perhaps."

"You seem like the artsy type, I think that would be ideal for you. I think I'll present a conversation with Michael."

"But not me?" His voice was indignant and weak, and Ray couldn't tell if he was really offended or not. Whatever it was he decided for himself that it didn't matter because it was his own fault he'd been a sucky partner.

"'Not me?'? I could barely get you to work on that last project, I think Michael would be more willing."

"Eh, fuck it okay. Can't even argue with that."

"You absolutely can't, yeah."

"I can't," he insisted. "I wouldn't even be my partner."

"It's not that you couldn't be a good partner, because you're so good at French, you're just a lazy asshat so it doesn't show."

He thanked him, an unenthusiastic drone. "Thanks Ray. But I can show that I'm a good friend, let's do something tonight. Whatever you want."

"Whatever I want?"

The look on Ray's face got Joel excited. A look of eagerness, willingness, interest. "Yeah anything."

"Positive?"

"Positive," he repeated.

"Do you have anything after school things to do?"

"No, nothing today." Replied Joel unnecessarily quick, his anticipation to hear Ray's intent rising.

"Good, let's go to my house then."

"Cool, let's go." He walked slightly in front of the lad lest he see the grin on Joel's face. He didn't know what he was expecting; nothing romantic(although that hope did barely exist), most likely they would be studying, watching tv, and playing video games. Whatever it was he would tolerate it because he was grateful to be with Ray at all.

 

Being lead to the Joneses toolshed was the last thing that entered Joel's thoughts when he imagined where he and Ray would be going, as a matter of fact it didn't cross his mind at all. "What're we gonna mow the lawn?" He'd asked.

Ray emerged with various gardening tools."No, but we will be planting things. Joel," he gestured towards a row of small pots. "I would like you to meet my babies aka my roses. They've outgrown their pots and it's time to move them. They grow up so fast."

"Aww you like gardening?"

"Yeah man it's in my blood. Hello, Hispanic here. Landscaping."

"True, true, I don't know nothin' about that."

"Well you gon' learn today. It's so easy a moron could do it, but in case you get lost just follow my lead." Ray kneeled before a small plot of land near a small tree in the backyard and dug into the earth with a small shovel. When the hole was big enough, he carefully lifted the infant roses out of the pot and gently placed them in the hole. With his hands he patted at the plant's soil to blend it with the earth's and added some left over dirt from the pot for good measure. 

"You look like you love those roses, like they're your children or some shit."

"I did say they are my babies, after all. I am fond of them, yeah. And they're really the only flowers I care for, AND they have to be red."

Joel chuckled as he clumsily cradled a rose plant and eased it into the hole he'd made. "So if someone gave you pink or white roses what would you do?"

"Tell them to fuck off and their roses too. Hell," he let out a breathy laugh. "this is serious shit."

"Even if I gave them to you? Hypothetically." He quickly added.

"I would imagine so but if it makes you feel more special it would at least be harder to say to you than the average person."

"But you'd still fucking say it, that doesn't make me feel better at all."

"Well, I tried. Don't hold the roses' stems, btw, they're too little at the moment."

"Oh." He fumbled with the small plant as he quickly moved his hand and replaced under its mass of roots and dirt. He was prouder of his work with this one, it was much neater than the last few he'd planted. "I'm learning."

Ray looked over at the roses and stuck a thumb up in air in approval. "You're doing good. Thanks for the help by the way." 

"Of course," he replied. 

 

Replanting and watering the roses wasn't too time consuming of a task. They were arranged in a nice way, forming a circle around the truck of a tree, which Ray loved. When they got back in the house their pants and arms were dirty. No longer did Joel wonder why Ray made him go home to get an extra outfit before bringing them here.

 

"I feel I'm often spoiling a good time by asking you a weird or awkward question."

"Ruining it or just making it more interesting?"

"Both. I mean I guess I do get to learn more about you, and considering I'm around you so much I should."

"Yeah, I agree. Then do you have a question you wanted to ask me now?"

"I wanted to ask how you're so motivated, or why rather. Like in school, theatre, and sports."

"Uhm, it's easier to think than to say. It's just the way I was brought up, my parents are strict when it comes to academics and all that shit and don't tolerate failure, so I grew up to not tolerate it from myself."

"You don't? Then I'm surprised you party and goof off as much as you do."

"I can see that, you wouldn't expect someone like that to drink, get distracted easy, and as you said party, but I can do those things and still do well in stuff. Even if I procrastinate, fuck up, or have a mishap of sorts, as long as I'm able to make up for it and complete a task with flying colors I'm good."

"You're a stronger person than me in that sense, I don't give enough fucks for that, for example if I don't get homework I stop doing it or if I suck at a sport I'll quit right then."

"I wouldn't mind being more like that. It's weird...I'm not a perfectionist but I can't fail at stuff, Does that make sense?"

After replaying it in his head a few times he signaled 'kind of' with his hand. "I guess. Like on a test if you get 98% it's not a perfect score but it's still very fuckin' good."

"Yeah like that! I'm not one if those people OBSESSED with perfection, but if I do badly I will be pissed off."

"So I guess you're like never pissed off right?"

"Psh, I dunno. Failure makes my happy box hurt."

"Aw you poor bastard, we can talk about something else then."

"We can talk about...oh the winter dance. Are you going? I mean I know you said you weren't but have you changed your mind?"

"You know I sorta have. Lately I've been thinking of someone I would actually like to take."

"Really who is it?"

"Her name is Tina Dayton. She's the sweetest, most caring and most adorable girl ever, and she's gorgeous. Needless to say I may have developed a strong fondness of her."

"Stop being a baby and just say crush."

"No, no, I wouldn't call it a crush I just...I adore her so much. I can't explain it really ya know."

"Heh, yeah I often have problems with that as well."

"Did you decide who you're going to ask yet?"

"Some of the guys and I were thinking of not going and just hanging out that day. We've been to homecoming every other year and prom last year, plus we're going to prom this year. So missing one little homecoming that isn't even called onme this year wouldn't mean much." That was really only partially true. He had planned on just hanging out with a few friends the night of winter dance, but he would've thrown that all away for a night of laughing, dancing, and punch chugging with Ray. But now, he supposed, that wouldn't be happening.

 

Joel felt like he hadn't stayed at Ray's place very long, but he had work to do tonight besides French, and he wanted to talk to someone alone in the comfort of his room. As he called Burnie that light content feeling was still in him, and he was smiling ear to ear. After telling Geoff it was as if all was pure and the planets were aligned.

"Hey caboose."

"Hey, Church, guess what?"

"What?"

"I have splendid news...it's happening."

From the tone of his voice Joel could practically see the befuddled look on his face. "Something's happening?"

"Yeah. IT is happening."

He paused for a moment until he recalled the meaning of 'it's happening' to him and Joel, and a grin shone on his face as a reflection of his proudness. "That's precious, dude. Who is it?"

"This person is small but can be fierce if someone fucks with them. They're cute, funny, and well...they love roses a lot. I helped this person plant some earlier today actually. This person tells a lot of joke that would make you think this person is gross and immoral, but really they're a sweetheart. Just doesn't show all the time." He was looking through one of his journals when he stubbed upon a page with something in Spanish. Ray had wrote it one day, and even now his stomach fluttered when he read it. 

'Let us put up with each other's bad habits and good qualities as if we were being forced to. We should do things together and be able to understand what the other is feeling without them uttering a word. Shall we also have our own little code, inside jokes, and stupid handshakes? We shall!'

Joel recalled being asked to write his signature below the message and under his was Ray's. It was a ridiculously cute and silly way Ray 'sealed' their friendship, and, regarding the dismay of being friend-zoned, he'd never wanted to just hug Ray and hold him in his arms more than he did that moment. The 'contract' was much more to him and running his fingers over the words felt great.

"He is a geek and I never stop thinking about him. Oh, and he's from Puerto Rico."


	9. Operation Hardcore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By Mad King Ryan's decree operation Joel (Ray) Narvaez (Heyman) kicks it up a notch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! So, I'm not too fond of this chapter but I think it introduces some pretty interesting and fairly important points in future chapters.

  
**He** was not cut out for today. After talking to Burnie for four hours last night, Joel was painfully tired the next morning. After a week he felt some better about it, so the two friends talked about Joel's newly found crush, even though he still felt a bit uncomfortable about the situation. There was no doubt he liked Ray, he knew that, but his sexuality was a broader field to traverse. Pansexual, bisexual, heterosexual...there were so many things out there and he couldn't tell what he was. His crush on the lad didn't change his tendency to admire attractive girls so maybe he was straight with one exception? But this actually isn't the first time he's had this internal discussion. Sometimes he found himself dreaming of being with a male, having a boyfriend. Those dreams appealed to him and scared him at the same time, and he confessed all of this to Burnie. Honored to be the first to know and supportive, Burnie gave him a world of advice with one main theme: Don't let outside things influence your desires, don't conform to a certain way just because you feel pressured to, live as you want to and fulfill your wants. He tried so very hard remember that always, hell he'd even made up a mantra, but there was yet doubt and confusion. He hoped and wished that his mind would make itself up and soon before he did something he regretted. As if the weight he bared on his weary shoulders wasn't enough, he had to go for a run before getting ready for school and his parents were really boring into his sanity this morning.

 

They'd been all sitting at the table eating when his mom brought up the awful subject. "Joel do you know two kids at your school named Kara Eberle and Jon Risinger?"

 

"Um well I know Kara," 'Unfortunately' he thought. "but I don't know any Risingers."

 

"The Risinger family is new to Austin so you likely don't, but he's a Junior who goes to your school now. His mom is new to my book club and she's very lovely, Jon seems to be, too, so I think it'd be nice if you got to know him."

 

"And what about Kara?" When he heard his mothers answer, he regretted every asking. Maybe if he would have kept his fucking mouth shut she would've forgotten to mention that part.

 

"Well her family's been here in Austin for awhile but her mother recently joined our book group and she's also pretty great. She told me Kara is playing a lead role in the school musical and I mentioned that you were, too. Long story short we started talking about you two and found that you have similarities-"

 

"I'm not like Kara. Nooooo. No. Absolutely not. We both act and sing and are seniors and we take French. The end."

 

"Exactly," she said cheerfully. "that's enough for you all to be compatible."

 

Joel nearly broke his neck jerking his head up from his plate to look at his mom. He was sure he already knew where this was going, but the last pathetic string of hope made him ask anyway. "Compatible in what way exactly?"

 

"I'm not trying to pull that arranged marriage thingy on you, but Kara sounds like she's really nice and I'd like for you to be friends with her."

 

"God this is like one of those cliche stereotypical teen shows. When did we move to Canada?"

 

His sister held out her fist and nodded in approval. "Nice Degrassi reference."

 

He fist pounded her and nodded back. "Thanks."

 

"I don't care how cliche, lame, and corny it is," Mrs. Heyman continued. "be friends with Kara, she's a nice young lady."

 

"You don't know that."

 

"Not 100%, but I guess I'll find out tonight when her family comes over for the dinner you will be attending whether you want to or not."

 

"That sucks. Not about the Risingers but the other thing."

 

Mr. Heyman chuckled at the response and tried to make the situation better for him. "Joel, it's not that bad. It's not like we're telling you to date the girl."

 

"But you want me to."

 

"We didn't say that."

 

"You don't have to, I can see it-"

 

"It would be nice if you would at least be her friend-"

 

"But you all want me to be more-"

 

"No, Joel, now we just want-"

 

"you just want me to date her and marry her..." The father and son went on with their argument, which wasn't really a normal argument. Their was no anger or shouting, actually it was strange how calm their voices remained as they took turns interrupting each other, which made Joena laugh.

 

"Joel it's just a dinner, we aren't gluing you to her."

 

"No but I can see in your eyes you want to and-"

 

"Joel." His mom finally broke in. "There's nothing to be in dismay about. We're completely fine with whatever you want to do, whether you choose to befriend Kara or be her enemy, it's okay with me. Really it's just that...well you will understand when you're older that a child having friends is important to a parent. And we know you have many many friends, but this is a chance for you to gain a new one. A lovely and friendly one."

 

"After this dinner you can go back to what I assume is you not associating with her," Mr. Heyman included. "So do you know anything about Kara? Is she nice?"

 

"I guess it would be a lie to say she isn't."

 

"Is she popular?"

 

"She's a cheerleader and actor, yeah she is."

 

"Is she pretty?" Joena asked.

 

"Um," he cursed himself as he knew his cheeks were probably turning reddish. He stumbled over his words as he embarrassedly answered the question. "it's uh-I guess it-it would be a lie to say she isn't pretty either."

 

"Then why don't you wanna assosiate with her?"

 

"She might be nice and good looking but she's too different from me, we wouldn't connect very well as friends. We have nothing in common beyond acting and singing." He looked back down at his food and pushed it around the plate. He didn't want his parents to know that he already associated with Kara, even if it was without him lifting a finger. She would come up to him in the halls and she would start a conversation. It was her who sat next to him at their lunch table, the only time they talked outside of theatre was if she initiated it. That, to his dismay, was fairly often. If they found out she had feelings for him, they would push Joel to return the feelings and he couldn't lose time doing that. Time trying to get Ray.

 

"Well, au revoir mi famille. See you all later." The all replied with their farewells as Joel got up and grabbed his backpack. Without a second glance at them, he went out the front door and got into his truck, driving to school feeling weird.

* * *

  
**Before** them was an incomprehensible mass of scribbles, arrows and random words. "Fellas...I would like to introduce you to the heist." Ryan ripped the paper off of the board. "Hark! I explain the plan."

 

It wasn't until Ryan turned on the projector that the drawings made sense. It projected a map of the school's first floor with lines traveling down hallways and drawings which represented events that would happen in certain rooms.

 

They discovered their similar motives yesterday when Geoff accidentally brought up his and Matt's intentions, to which Ryan, Gavin, and Michael revealed their own plan. To make the operation simpler and more fun, they figured, they should all just join forces. So now here sat Geoff, Jack, Michael, and Gavin at a table in Ryan's graphic design class. He chose this place since there was nobody there that early except the teacher who would end up going down to the lounge.

 

Ryan began to walk about and forth across the room, hands behind his back in such away he looked like a military general. "Okay, so Joel and Ray have some things that are important to us and the operation, and there's no morally right way to obtain it so here's how it's goin' down: Jack," he pointed to the boy. "Joel is in marketing class so he works in the school store. Morning shift. So you'll wait for him in there and the moment you see him you're gonna act like you actually care for him and greet him with a loud voice. Then buy something with a loud voice."

 

He raised a quizzical eyebrow and chuckled awkwardly. "The fuck? Why?"

 

"So then i can unzip his outermost backpack pocket without him hearing the 'zzzzzip'."

 

"So you unzip his backpacks back pocket and then what..?"

 

"Then you will talk to him and distract him, so he won't notice me coming from the sky and snatching his phone."

 

Now Gavin looked confused. "But how will you be coming from the sky?"

 

"From the ceiling, of course." He pointed to the school store on the map. The rooster nest was a student-exclusive store whose primary purpose was to teach business and marketing students about such. It uses real currency and students can come in a buy things ranging from snacks, drinks, small school supplies, and school wear. "Once I have his phone I will crawl out of door unseen." Then Ryan pointed to the green line representing his path, and at one intersection it collided with a blue and orange one.

 

"Yeah that's great and all but when does Geoff, Gav, and myself come into play?"

 

"I was getting to that." As Ryan spoke he pointed and traced markings on the board, as if lecturing them. "So Ray usually comes straight to homeroom right? Right. Michael will wisk him away. And I mean quick and aggressive if you must. He should have no time to pick up his phone and while you two are outside of the room, Gavin will come in take the phone and he will meet me...here."

 

"What about Grif?" Asked Geoff pointing to himself.

 

"I'm gettin to it, I'm gettin to it. We have another problem in our equation. Right now it's R

 

"I'm not gonna hit a girl, Ryan. Even if she's repulsive."

 

"You don't have to hit her, Geoff. You don't have to, but I mean if you change your mind later on it's whatever. What you're gonna do is goto her homeroom, which Joel told me is AP biology with Mr. Clancy, and tell her Joel wants to see her underneath the stage in the auditorium now."

 

"Her Ming will be like a pink fountain."

 

"Shut the hell up Gavin." Michael giggled.

 

"Yeah shut up Gavin, but that is true. She won't be able to resist because we all know what she'll be thinking...if ya know what I mean. And what I mean doesn't require a backpack, there's no reason to bring it so she'll surely leave it there, and that's when Geoff comes..."

 

"...on her?" Gavin partially covered his mouth with one hand as he tried to not laugh at his own joke.

 

Michael waved a finger at him as if to say 'tsk tsk'. "No that's JOEL, Gavin, you silly guy."

 

Recovering from his laughing fit Ryan point to and intersection on the map. "Or so she'll think. Geoff comes here."

 

"Okay," Gavin stands up and goes over to the board, summarizing the plan to insure he understands. "Jack comes to distract Joel while Ryan drops down and takes him phone who will go to our meet up point, that four way intersection by the foreign language hall. At this time Michael will drag Ray outta homeroom while I swoop in, take his phone, and...wait why am I taking Ray's phone?"

 

Michael nodded in mutual wonder. "I hadn't even thought of that. Yeah why are we takin any of their phones?"

 

"I shoulda mentioned that already since the ultimate goal of this operation is to basically trick Ray and Joel into going on a date and getting Destie the fuck out, as I said. We're gonna do that by pretending to be them through text message. So I will pretend to be Joel and text Ray's phone asking him to hang out somewhere all flirtatious like. Geoff will use Destie's phone and text Joel pretty much telling him to fuck off, and knowing Joel he'll be like 'okay I don't giv'a fuck' in his mind and won't even bother to respond.

 

"Wait so I'll text Joel as Destie and then how do I return her phone?"

 

"Just send the text QUICK and then put it back where you found it, Clancy's class isn't that far from the auditorium so speed is crucial. And to answer you, Gavin, you won't be texting anyone. What you'll be doing is going through Ray's phone looking for clues to see if we can tell who he likes, if anyone."

 

"I'll be like a cheeky little spy or something, but how will I get into his phone? It probably has a password."

 

"I actually asked Michael beforehand, and by some miracle he has seen Ray type in his password so he knows it."

 

"Yeah it's 420420," the lad confirmed. "Assuming he hasn't changed it which I doubt."

 

"Likely not. Okay, so any questions? None? Good. Let's heist!"

 

 

  
**Jack** checked the time. Twenty-two minutes before homeroom starts. Good, surely the rooster nest was just opening.

 

"Hey, Joel!" He greeted as he entered. What luck that Joel was the only one there at the moment. "What a nice morning we're having."

 

"Sure I guess it's okay. How're you doing?"

 

"I'm doing good, you know just trying to hold in my excitement, you know Halloween is in three days."

 

"Hehe, Jack Pattillo, you're the only senior I know who gets so happy about Halloween."

 

"Of course! And you're not?" Jack tried to keep his eyes on Joel. He kept wanting to glance up at the ceiling when he saw the tiles moving slightly under Ryan's weight, and go back to normal once he was off of it.

 

"I was when I was like 10, after that it loses it's spark. Or maybe that's just me. I'm assuming you still trick or treat?"

 

"Hell no, I just but my own candy nowadays. On Halloween I like to goto those haunted houses and/or a friends Halloween party. Remember Barbara's party last year?"

 

"I remember everything up to the point where I got drunk," Joel chuckled. "everything between that and me waking up on the couch doesn't exist in my mind."

 

"Well if you'd handle your alcohol better you would be conscious long enough to experience some fun."

 

"Halloween isn't that fun though, but I guess I could try enjoying it this year. I guess in a way this will be my last Halloween as a child right?"

 

"Yeah...no...maybe? Well like, you're 18 now. In the eyes of the law you're an adult, but since you're still in high school you're pretty much a kid in every other sense."

 

"It's not until we start college that we're truly adults."

 

"Yeah so this Halloween us and some of the guys should go do something like-"

 

Without warning the tile underneath his legs busted through the ceiling and down he came with a 'oh god' and a thud. Jack looked on in horror as a Joel turned around with a jump and small yelp. Was the heist a failure now?

 

"The fuck Ryan?"

 

"This is not the computer lab..." Replied Ryan standing up with a grown. He rubbed his hip and winched at the touch.

 

"Ever heard of a door? God you're terrifying." As Joel and Ryan began to argue the practicality of doors vs ceilings, Jack reached over and eased his zipper open painfully slow. Swiftly, he swiped the phone out of the pocket and spoke to Ryan through lip and hand movements. He motioned to Jack to send the message himself while he stayed behind and kept Joel distracted enough to not check his backpack. Ryan motioned for him to zip the backpack closed and then run like hell to which he obliged.

 

"Well anyway, wanna help me put this tile back?"

 

"No I really don't, but the marketing teacher will have my head if it stays like that. Okay grab it and I'll hoist you up on my shoulders."

 

 

  
**When** Michael and Ray entered the French room, the first person they noticed was Arryn. She was talking to a guy they'd never seen before looking up and greeting them.

 

"Hey Jon Risinger, this is Michael Jones and Ray Narvaez Junior. Jon's new here."

 

Ray smiled in appreciation that she remembered the 'Junior' and waved to him. "Nice to meet you, man."

 

"Welcome to our humble school, Jon."

 

"Thanks, great to meet you all."

 

"So what brings you boys here?" Asked Arryn.

 

"Michael had to come get something or whatever. I've been dragged here against my will."

 

"Well that's actually okay, because I can show you guys the dress I got for Winter Dance." She held her phone out to them and Michael took hold of it for them to see. It was a black and white Lolita goth style dress with no sleeves and a purple bow around the waist. It looked more fitting for a Halloween type mascarade ball than a Christmas school dance, but it was very lovely nonetheless.

 

Ray was the first one to put in his input. "It's really pretty."

 

"Yeah it'll look cute on you," Michael added.

 

Arryn covered her reddening cheeks and smiled shyly at the picture picture on the phone. "Thank you guys, I'm more confident Barbara will like it now."

 

"She absolutely will, so what is she wearing to the dance?"

 

"I dunno honestly, we've decided to keep it secrets until the day of the dance."

 

"Aw you two sound like a couple...or are you?"

 

"Umm, well no. Not quite. I mean I really like her but we haven't even talked about being in a relationship yet. I'm not sure when we will."

 

"Heh, as much as she talks about you, I anticipate pretty soon. She won't shut her mouth when it comes to you."

 

"Seriously? I'm so glad."

 

"Really," Ray confirmed. "She likes you as well. Barbara's crazy about you and seriously if you wanna take that step forward, you should go for it."

 

"Thanks guys, I'm more hopeful about us."

 

Michael got a French book from one of the shelves to make it look like he did after all have something to do, and started for the door. "No problem, Arryn. Nice meeting you again Jon, see you all later."

 

"Bye," they replied in unison.

 

 

  
**"So."** Ray began when they were down the hall from the classroom.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Jon was uh...rather good looking."

 

"He's absolutely attractive," Agreed Michael before Ray quickly changed the subject. "I ship Barryn so much...is that a good ship name?"

 

"Um, it's okay but I'd go for something more like Arrbra-god no that sucks. Zechelman?"

 

"I like that, Zechelman it is. We should totally hook them up, like some matchmaker shit." He heard the familiar snickering sound Michael made before he laughed and sure enough he threw his head back and did. It wasn't a long laugh, more like a brief fit of cackling. "What? It's not that bad of an idea is it?"

 

"No, no it's not. It just made me laugh is all."

 

If Ray only knew, the lad thought, that he was already ahead in the match making game.

 

They returned to homeroom 5 minutes before school officially started. The room was alive with students talking about things ranging from Halloween to the school's current gossip. Ray and Michael took their seats with the rest of their friends and Michael melted into the conversation they were already having. Ray didn't really care to at the moment, he had a few problems of math left and wanted to finish them. Having left his calculator at home he go out his phone to find out 56 x 70 when he saw the text message notification and instantly clicked it. His heart lurched. It felt like he was suddenly floating rather than sitting.

 

Joel: You're cute and all, we need to do something together on Halloween.

 

Ray waited until the bell rung and the sound of students moving and backpacks zipping to pull Michael to the side and show him the message. A sheepish yet eager expression overtook Ray's face as he asked his host brother what to do and if he should do something at all. Ray would spent the rest of the day assured that he should certainly accept the offer, and Michael was assured the plan was working so far.

* * *

  
**"Ayo!** This is Jack Pattillo with gaming club and you're watching GATU, Gaming And Technology Update. First in the news," the ginger looked down at his paper and back up again. "Motorcross 7 comes out for Xbox 1 and ps4 finally. Speaking of Xbox, developers have revealed that the xbox 520 is to be in stores January 13th."

 

"Not to be confused with 420!" Ray included from behind the camera.

 

"Hahaha, definitely not. Don't mind that joke folks, if you don't get it keep your ignorance. Also in the realm of gaming: apparently there's subliminal education effect given by the game outlast. I dunno about that but check it out anyway guys, as Tim Burton once said 'life is no fun without a good scare."

 

"And boy will you get a good scare. I dunno about the educational thing though." Adam said suddenly walking into the cameras view. He stood next to Jack and began making silly faces into the camera.

 

Joel walked up and stood in front of the camera, eyeing it intently. "I agree with the educational thing to an extent. As someone who's made the mistake of playing the game many a hours with this fellow," he pointed behind himself at Adam, who was now sticking pieces of tape to Jack's face. "I have learned some good lessons from the game: if finding out the secret behind something means going into an eerie looking building than it is not worth is the number one thing. The second thing is...if an insane asylum is isolated from society, THERE IS A REASON. Stay away from it. Keep that in mind kids."

 

"You heard it from the experts, folks. Thank you Joel and Adam for your lesson about Outlast."

 

"Shout out to Miles Upshur!" Shouted Michael as he entering the room and walking up into the cameras view.

 

"Not to be confused with Miles Luna, that's me."

 

"Shout out to Miles Luna...oh and Ryan seems to be pulling me away, what's up?" Only Ryan's arm was visible through the camera, and his voice could be heard asking Jack if he could join him in the other room. The gent hesitated until he guess what Ryan wanted, and he handed the microphone to Adam before walking off.

 

Once in the back room Jack sat down at one of the desks next to Geoff and waited for someone to say something. Gavin spoke first, explaining what he found on Ray's phone and how dirty he felt doing it. It turned out that Ray very often texted and facetimed a girl named Tina and even had a few pictures of them together, all of them in a class room. While there was no solid proof they had something going on there was enough to give some suspicion. One thing he concluded based off snippets of their text convos was that she was the type of person Ray would get along with so well. They were so similar and yet had differences that made them fit like puzzle, Tina was an ideal person to handle Ray and vice versa. They decided they wouldn't worry too much about it unless something big came up.

 

Jack ended up being the last person to share his experience in the heist and nearly killed them with suspense. Pretending to be Joel he texted Ray saying 'We need to go somewhere tomorrow night, wanna go?' He deleted the message because obviously Joel couldn't know about it and Ray replied saying 'How about we goto something Halloween-like?'. It was good enough, to Joel it would look like Ray began the conversation and so the gent leaved it at that. The group aw'd when Jack mentioned that after seeing the message on his phone, Joel was smiley pretty much the rest of the day.

 

Ryan stood up and slung his backpack on his shoulder. "Alright so...heist successful. Good job gentleman, we pulled it off and now we have the equation R+J=<3."

 

"So what now? We just wait for them to shag?"

 

"Pretty much, because it will happen. We've done well and now they're well on their way to something beautiful."

 

"Why're you leave, Ry?" The Brit asked. "Wanna play a round of worms or two? We've still got a lot of time left before club ends."

 

He shook his head and offered a small apologetic smile to them and started for the door.

* * *

  
**Mrs**. Heyman came into the living room in her black blouse and slacks. "Are you wearing that to the dinner? What happened to the outfit I picked out?"

 

"Yeah, what is that not okay?"

 

"It looks like you're trying to look like a bum as a form of rebellion." She pointed at Joel's outfit: blue jeans, a Texas longhorns hoodie a size or two too big, and ancient gray sneakers without shoelaces. "That's gross, go upstairs and put on that outfit I got out for you. And comb your hair please."

 

He groaned and forced himself out of the arm chair, mumbling about how stupid the dinner was going to be, how rude it was of her to go looking around in his wardrobe, and how dumb he bets the Eberles were. His lackluster argument was all in vain and soon was no longer acknowledged. When Joel came back down 7 minutes later his mother cooed at how nice he looked. He was wearing a black polo and over it he wore a navy blue cardigan with only the last four buttons fastened up. With it he had on a pair of khaki pants, a leather watch, and black dress shoes, he felt so awkward. He didn't even dress up this much for church.

 

"You look so lovely, how do you feel now that you're properly dressed?"

 

"Like a pansy." He grumbled sourly.

 

"You should feel like a Prince because that's how you look."

 

"I should feel like a metrosexual because that's how I look right now."

 

"You look adorable, so get used to it."

 

He didn't reply after that. Got out his phone and typed out a message to Matt, ready to complain about the dinner already.

 

Joel: Do you by any chance own a cape and superpowers? Because I need saving.

Matt: from what?

Joel: this stupid night.

 

He stood in front of a mirror in the living room and took a picture of himself, outfit and all, to send to Matt. Before he sent it he groaned and frowned at the picture.

 

Matt: oh my god wow I thought you were joking about that you look like a pansy

Joel: that's literally what I told my mom after she made me wear this. Save me please.

Matt: I would love to but I'm not a super hero and I'm kinda busy myself.

Joel: oh yea? With what?

Matt: this bowl of popcorn and movie. It's called Peggle 3: Reach for Purple.

Joel: it sounds like it's for 7 year olds.

Matt: it's for anyone who loves a good comedy.

Matt: or anyone who isn't too busy with a dinner with his biggest fan's fam

Joel: go fuck yourself

Matt: go stuff yourself. With food at your dinner.

Joel: I hate you so much

Matt: love you too, you fuck

 

 

  
**As** he tried to relay the events of the dinner he was happy to see that his attempts to block some things out. He rarely spoke, usually only if spoken to. Actually the only person he cared to initiate any conversation with was Joena, that was because deep down she was only person there that didn't play a role in the fruition of the dinner he deems stupid. He had to play the role of a well-mannered sophisticated young man which he didn't mind being when he felt it was necessary. But was it really necessary to do so with the Eberles, who are just like them?

 

Kara's dad, a professional looking man, was the first of the Eberle clan he saw. His eyes were ones of little emotion and yet they were ones Joel didn't care to meet, so he avoided contact in the least suspicious ways he could. Mrs. Eberle seemed to be his polar opposite with her bright and warm appearance and the light tone she spoke in. She seemed to made of sugar and spice and every nice with her sweet smile and the friendly vibe radiating off of her. Kara had been wearing light purple skinny jeans and a short sleeve chambray shirt. He didn't usually care to take notice of every aspect of ones outfit but the white flats and purple earrings accented her appearance, and he wanted to punch himself in the face because he couldn't help but think how lovely she looked.

 

After the dinner they all went to a marine biology museum which Joel actually like. Although it be that Kara was holding his hand the whole time (not that he minded the act of hand holding itself, but he felt it was foolish to do in a museum of all places) he saw amazing sights. His favorite had been a yellow octopus wearing a blue suit. The last thing he heard the adults conversing over were plans of setting up times for Joel to come to the Eberles house and for Kara to visit the Heymans sometimes. What an outdated act it was! It was reminiscent of parents setting up a play date for kindergarteners. But the two clans got along very well so he imagined he'd be seeing more of them.

 

Yeah, he certainly wasn't cut out for today.

  
  



	10. To Be A Good Husband

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Six. Are you jealous that I kissed Ryan?"
> 
> "No. I have no reason to be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neeeew chapter finally! Sorry for the wait guys. But by the time you've read this, I'm already about 1/4 way done with the next chapter.   
> So, without further adieu, here's some Joelay.

**It** hasbeen three months since school began and Ray is still uncertain about his relationship with Joel. Like a ship in unpredictable waters it seems to be forever shifting and moving, their status never remaining the same for long. Usually it was as though they were the best of friends and Ray couldn't get enough of that. This was when he was the apple of Joel's eye, the center of his attention, and he was like the most important thing to the senior. Scenes like that, sadly, typically only played when they were alone or when they were among friends.

All of Joel's attention shifted from Ray once the 'cool kids' were around. The two boys would be walking in the hallway and spoke of anything they could think of when out of no came some boy from the basketball team or a girl wishing the senior would give them the time of day. Or so Ray thought. Girls like that only made up about 25 percent of the ones who would start walking with them and spoiling their conversation. Whoever it was, they were never mean to Ray because the person was always a fan of Ray on AETV. Anyone who disliked the lad and had something snide to say wouldn't approach him while he was around Joel anyway, lest they suffer some terrible punishment. Nonetheless he couldn't stand when a third 'cool' person came along because then Joel's attention seemed to leap over to him, leaving the younger boy forsaken.

                He didn't know enough about basketball to put in his two cents about the latest NBA scandals, or the upcoming game between the Coston Beltics and the Hiami Meat. He didn't care enough about the school's student body to comment on gossip. He couldn't care less about parties so he rarely went to them unless a lot of his friends were going along, and having pledged to not drink he couldn't relate to talks of getting wasted at the upcoming celebrations. Ray hated these people because they manifested a wall between himself and Joel. They were a reminder of their differing levels in the high school hierarchy, and between them lie about two levels. If the school were an oligarchy from medieval times, Joel would be the most loved ruler while Ray would hold the rank of a knight; not low but also not very high.

                This frightened Ray. Because although he enjoyed every moment he shared with Joel, and usually he believed they were truly friends, a lingering doubt in the back of his mind kept telling him one harsh thing: in the realm of friendship, Joel was out of his league.

                There was some truth in that idea. While it wasn't very major, and while Ray still meant something to him, Joel's eyes started wandering. An idea needs cooperation to be pulled from the obscurity of the mind and into reality, and Joel was ready to do that now. If he was indeed gay then so be it! He'll never know it wasn't meant to be until he has tried. In accordance to false dilemma, two outcomes were possible he figured: he's gay and he'll stick with men for the rest of his life, or some weird feelings will wear off and he'll grow out of this phase. There was no middle ground to be treaded in his logical fallacy, left or right only.

So if he's interested in some dude and the dude likes him...well why the hell not?

* * *

 

                **"Are** you dating Joel Heyman?"

                "No," Ray says with such disinterest in the girl's very existence, even her drones must clamp a hand over a giggle-stricken mouth. He glances at the girl for a moment and then back at his game. He wishes the girl would go away, she's an instant nuisance. The uppity prissy whininess in her voice and the way she places her hands on her hip gives Ray the impression that she is one thing: a loud, nosy bitch who has not learned the no word 'no', or the phrase 'mind your own business'.

                "Oh, okay. Just wondering." She pretends to be prepared to depart, waiting for the lad to call her back over and ask her why she asked. But he didn't. Not a single gesture of acknowledgement. Giving up on the act, she faces him again and sighs. "Has he displayed any interest of wanting to date?"

                "No."

                "Have you?"

                “No.”

                "Hmm, alright. Later," she says not really expecting a response. The chubby brunette begins to walk away, her friends in tow. Ray knows he's much more irritated by the occurrence than what was necessary.

 

 

Ray had been watching the guys' basketball practice. He always sits with Michael, Kerry Gavin, and Arryn. It became routine to go to the gym right after school and sit on the bleacher watching the boys' along with various other spectators. When someone did something remarkable people watching cheered, as if at a real game. Ray found that comical.

The coach allowed the players a 7 minute break to fill up water bottles, rest after suicides, and use the bathroom when Samir trotted over and gestured for him to come over to the railing that separated the court and the bleachers.

                "Hey man," Ray extended a friendly hand and patted the junior's small afro. "What's up?"

                "Enjoying this fantastic hell weak," he replied sarcastically.

                "Are you though?"

                "Billions of suicides and harsh weight training aren't very ideal, but the results? I've gained like 20 pounds of muscle since it started."

The Puerto Rican poked the Tanzanian's arm. It was hard as rock with muscle. "I can tell! I need to join the team and get some meat on my bones."

                "Naw, you look great as you are."

                "You don't have to lie to me. I'm a fucking stick, and how am I to attract men like this?"

                "It's funny you say that, you already have," he said happily, like a father proud of his soon.

                "Samir Mtunda! I'm flattered but-"

                "It's not I, dummy. It is a dude on the team, though."

A look of doubt overtook his face, but he cocked his eyebrow with interest. Already he was skeptical of the ideal of one of those sporty popular kids even acknowledging his existence. And how impossible it was that any of them could be anything but straight. "Really? Who is it?"

"Right over there."

"Darrian?"

"No, next to him."

"Ryan?"

"Are you an idiot?" he sighed. "It’s Joel."

The lad scoffed incredulously at the answer. "Joel? He's literally addicted to girls. I'd bet my balls he's straighter than a ruler."

"Get ready for castration then, because you, my friend, are wrong. Start paying attention to how Joel acts around you, and then maybe you'll see what everyone else is."

"Sure but I don't think I'll notice anything."

"Just do it and see."

"It's kind of weird that you say that. Earlier someone asked me if Joel and I were dating."

"That's strange. Who was it?"

"Some big headed bitch with long brown hair. She was wearing a debate club jacket and ugly earrings."

Samir shrugged and backed away from the railing. "I dunno who that is, you'll have to show me her or something." And with that he waved goodbye to Ray and walked back over to the court.

From behind him something hit him on his shoulder and he turned around to see that Arryn had thrown a wad of paper at him.

"What was Samir telling you about?"

"Apparently...Joel's has his eyes on me?"

Miles came up next to her and rested a hand on the lad's shoulder. "Well we didn't want to say anything, but..."

"Miles."

"What?"

"Let him figure it out."

"Figure out what? I thought...Ray, are you still taking Tina to the dance?"

"Yup," he nodded. "You can't have her."

"Are you gay, bi, or straight...or pansexual?"

"I'm gay like I have been for the last two years."

"Oh so you and Tina are just going as friends?"

"Yeah man."

 

"I have. I found out my sexuality in stages. All my life I'd thought I was straight up until 8th grade when I thought maybe I was gay. But last year I dated a girl and I thought 'well hey, maybe I'm bi'. But sometime after her and I broke up I realized that I'd been gay along. So yeah."

 

"That's kinda like me." Arryn sung. "I thought I was straight until freshman year when my feelings towards girls started to change. I began to admire them and crush on them like I do guys, and I quickly realized that I'm most likely bi. I was too scared to act on my thoughts and try to date a girl back then, but that changed this year."

 

"That's adorable. Because of Barbara, right?"

 

"Mhmm, the moment I saw her I knew I had to at least try to date her. But I haven't actually asked her out yet. I'm thinking of doing it the day of winter dance but that's two weeks away!"

 

"Just ask her today or something," Suggested the Brit.

 

She whined and shook her head. "But it has to be special.”

 

At some point or another Ray found that he was no longer listening to his friend's conversation. It was irritating, how much he wondered about the 'Joel' thing. The senior was, for one thing, certainly straight and solely into females. And even if hypothetically that turns out to be false Ray didn't think he'd end up being the one to disprove it.

 

When he heard a whistle he looked up from his phone and saw boys starting to prepare to leave. All except Joel. The coach called him over and spoke to him. Based off of facial expressions the two made, for Ray could not hear them from so far away, whatever they were talking about irritated the young man. A look of befuddlement and mild frustration over took his face. Finally when Joel was ready to go he came up to the lad.

 

"What'd the coach want?" He asked almost immediately.

 

"Apparently I wasn't performing at my best today. I've been busier than usual lately so I'm pretty tired most of the time."

 

"I wouldn't noticed  you were still one of the best out there. Still ran fast, still made a lot of goals..."

 

"That's why I was annoyed that coach felt the need to comment on it. I'm not perfect," He said darkly. "not perfect."

 

As they continued to walk he nodded. "Your coach seems like a hard ass."

 

"Hah yeah," he chuckled. "he is. He's a nice guy but a tough coach, as you know basketball is really important here. I didn't even go on my family's vacation because try outs are soon."

 

In shock the Puerto Ricans voice hitched suddenly and he gestured at the gym far behind them now. "Tryouts? What were you just doin' back there?"

 

"Pre-Season conditioning."

 

"Oh," drawled he. "so where'd your family go?"

 

"Arlen. They're going to see some relatives who I haven't seen in...four-ish years?"

 

"That long and you didn't care to go at all?"

 

"Having the house to myself and tryouts is worth a butt load more than going to visit some relatives I don't wanna see. I'll see them this Christmas anyway, supposing they come."

 

"OH heard some vinegar in that response; do you hate them or something?"

 

He grew silent to think a moment. His mouth puckered and moved from side to side as he thought, and as he found an answer his face went back to normal."Yes and no. I mean I believe you should love your family no matter what but this particular group of relatives, my uncle, aunt, and two cousins, I don't care for. I love them but I don't like them, ya know?"

 

"Why don't you like them? You don't have to answer if it's too personal."

 

"Because they did something really bad that I'm not sure I can forgive. I mentioned two kids my uncle and aunt have but they have a third: My cousin Cortana. She was always nicer to me than any of our other cousins and we naturally had a stronger bond than we did with any other relatives. She was my best friend and I admired her a lot. She didn't look it but she was sweetest thing alive."

 

"'She didn't look it'?" Asked Ray with confusion in his voice.

 

"Yeah. For as long as I could remember she was very tomboyish. What boys did she did and what boys wore she wore. As we got older she got into the stereotypical 'punk' look. Ya know colorful spiky Mohawk, tattoos, piercings and stuff. I'm just guessing she still looks like that, I haven't seen her since we were 13 years old."

 

"It's been so long? What happened to her?"

 

"Well, Cortana is a child from my uncle's first marriage so she went to live with her real mom, my ex-aunt."

 

Ray heard the struggle in Joel's voice, how painful it was to recall the memories and soon felt bad that he kept asking about his family. It was none of his business, he thought, it wasn't his place to keep asking for the same of his curiosity. "You really don't have to say anymore if it's too personal, I had no right to ask so many questions."

 

"So one day Cortana told my uncle and aunt that she was lesbian and Christ were they angry," Joel continued. The words began to tumble out of him passionately without pause. It was like he'd rehearsed it so many times. "They were so awful to her. I think my mind, for my sake, forgot most of it but I remember this horrible thing, this one comment my uncle told her: 'How the hell do you think you're going to get a job or living? The world hates people like that and you will never be accepted.' When she persisted and stood her ground my uncle said, 'then you're not a follower of god, or a child of mine. You're going to ruin your entire life.' She packed up a few things, called her mom and told her to come pick her up..." Joel took a shuddering breath and released it slowly. "and that was the last time any of us saw her."

 

"I'm sorry, were you not able to contact her in anyway?"

 

"We tried to contact her mom since it was our only connection with her. And by 'we' I mean everyone except her parents."

 

"They didn't care? They had to."

 

"But they didn't show it, my uncle, aunt, and cousins. They could only feel hatred towards her over something so trivial, they just talked bad about her. They think it's gross and abhor it because it's so anti-Christian."

 

"I'm not religious, but even if I wasn't that's pretty fucked up. One can't guess someone's future life because of their sexuality. All respect to you but they sound like foot washer bigots. Fucking awful."

 

"That's absolutely what they are. I couldn't stand to be around them after that."

 

"I'm glad you aren't imbeciles like them, otherwise we wouldn't be friends." 'Friends'. The word felt strange on Ray's tongue and he wondered if he should have said it after all.

 

The word felt even stranger on Joel's ears. Being reminded that they're friends sucked because it felt like the wrong term. Of course they are friends, but he know that's not how he wanted it to be. "Yeah, thank Christ."

 

"So," Joel began changing the subject. "I depleted my food supplies this morning and need to buy more. Wanna come with me to the store?"

 

Holding his nose, Ray mockingly waved a hand in front of his face and grimaced. "I don't want to be in the same car as you, don't you have a shower or something in the locker rooms."

 

"Christ," he scoffed. "I'm not gonna shower with abuncha dudes."

 

"Why? Are you scared you'll stare at their dicks?"

 

Albeit it a mere joke the words made him want to winch in pain. That was one major reason, he'd hit it right on the dot. It was sophomore year when he stopped using school showers. One day while he was preparing to go in a very handsome freshman walked into the showers. Joel, taken aback, backed up and charged at his locker to get his sweaty, filthy basketball uniform back on. For Joel's heart began to pace in a special way at the sight of the beautiful names body, and he couldn't have been more disgusted with himself.

 

"I'm scared of them looking at mine's," he joked.

* * *

 

Why, he wondered, does he still feel awkward inside of Joel's house? He has had dinner with the family, lied on the couch, and sat in Joel's bed. He's been there as though he resided their himself and now he was storing groceries in the kitchen. He felt out of place yet!

 

"You bought a twenty four pack of Lud Bight?" Ray asked with a hint of disapproval. "Really?"

 

"Yeah, so?"

 

"Don't you have to be 21 to even legally drink it? How did you manage to buy it?"

 

Joel's hand instinctively rested on the pocket of his hoodie where his wallet was. He dared not reveal to Ray the tiny plastic card inside it. From the false name to the age two years too old, he dared not reveal it. "I look old for my age," he fibbed. "so he probably didn't even think to ask for I.D. You were there so you should know."

 

The lad answered with salt in his voice. "Well clearly you did it while I was distracted because I didn't even know you bought it till now."

 

"Is he mad..? Or nah?!"

 

"Nah," Ray answered, throwing a pack of rice at the older. "now get to work. We're gonna cook a dinner."

 

" _We_ as in...Joel Heyman and Ray Narvaez Junior, I assume?"

 

"We're the only people here, yes."

 

"I don't wanna," Joel declared as he sat at the kitchen table. "I'm content with...my hot chips and uh...Cheerios." Ray flipped him off before turning back to the groceries. "Give me a break, dude! I rarely get to pig out because my parents are so adamant about my diet."

 

"Well you're an athlete, you oughta be healthy."

 

"But still," the older pursued. "They never buy me unhealthy food, it's only for them. I get sick of it after awhile, it doesn't hurt to binge every once in a while."

 

"Well as long as I'm here you won't. I know from experience that real food is important, you’re still a growing boy."

His head followed the lad as he moved through the kitchen, occasionally asking Joel where pots and utensils were stored. Initially, Joel couldn’t tell what he was making. _What food required cayenne pepper, jalapenos, cinnamon, ground beef, rice, black beans, and chicken? Was Ray really going to use all that to make a meal just for two?_ It wasn’t until he started adding seasoning to the ground beef and bean mixture that he came up with a probable guess: some sort of stew. He watched the contents of the pot grow into a gumbo looking soup, and it smelled heavenly.

 

Ray looked behind his shoulder at the older and gave him a quizzical smirk, and Joel instantly felt the ardor. The tranquil expression on the lad's face, the wooden spoon he held so expertly in his hand as if he'd done it a million times, the apron around his waist, and the way sunlight shined on him made him look absolutely precious. His heart was melting at the scene, to see this young man standing in his kitchen, making food for him even when he could do it himself. Taking care of him. A whole new side of Ray he'd never believe exists until he sees it for himself: a sweet, loving, nurturing side typically lapped in obscurity.

 

In the welcoming bright kitchen on a gorgeous sunny day, he was at the kitchen table reading through a newspaper while Ray stood at the stove cooking. What a scene to live in. He wanted to relive it many more times.

 

"What're you looking at? You're stupid."

 

"I know," Joel replied dreamily. "I know."

 

"So you gonna depend on someone for all of your meals forever, or..?"

 

"Uh, probably not. I can make pb and j sandwiches, ramen, and such."

 

"You sound like 12 year old me. I asked because you're supposed to be over here watching. Before I would never touch a pot, but I've learned to not mind cooking. So will you."

 

"But I like to see you cook for me, like a cute little worker bee." He teased.

 

The lad scoffed and swatted his hand away from his face as if to dismiss what Joel said. "Yeah? Well, I'm probably not cute enough to pull that off."

 

"I'd be willing to argue that."

 

Flustered he whipped his head back around and stared at the boiling pot so his face was hidden, but Joel could practically see from behind him the blushing red cheeks and huge dopey smile.

* * *

 

After eating Ray's food, the two made a nest of blankets and pillows on Joel's bed and settled in for a fetnlix movie marathon. It lasted for hours until Joel yawned.

 

"Are you tired?" Asked Ray, hoping the answer would be 'no'.

 

"A little."

 

"Then I have to go home soon."

 

"No you don't. Just call your mom and ask if you can spend the night here tonight."

 

"Oh, yeah that works too. I'll text her."

 

"Let's play a game that involves words."

 

Ray looked up from his phone for a moment and nodded. "Okay. Like twenty questions or something?"

 

"Nah, that's too normal. Let's just ask each other questions." The next time Ray looked up Joel was running over to his closet. He rummaged through a few things before dawning a cardboard spinner from a board game. He returned to the bed and placed the numbered spinner between them. "This will determine how personal or impersonal our questions will be. Higher the number the more personal."

 

Joel flicked the arrow with his pointer finger and it landed on '7' "Well...what's the most embarrassing moment you have?"

 

"I'm sure I have more, but the most embarrassing one I can recall right now would have to be the time I was in kindergarten and I thought my name was 'Hombre Marron' or in English 'Brownman'. I-"

 

"Hahahahaha! Wha-what?! Holy shit."

 

"I know I know it's so awful. It's my nickname that all of my relatives call me so as a little kid I just thought it was my name, it's WEIRD hearing any of them call me my real name."

 

"Did the teachers never correct you?"

 

"Hoh, you bet. Bet I didn't listen, and continued to be 'Brownman' until my mom corrected me and I was shocked as fuck."

 

"That's amazing. You were so stupid."

 

"Eh, it's something. Needless to say it only strengthened the nickname. So what's your most embarrassing moment?"

 

"Mmm, probably the time I accidentally kissed some guy in front of an entire class of people."

 

"You're definitely joking."

 

"Nope, wish I was though. It really happened."

 

"How do you accidentally kiss someone?"

 

"Well last year we were performing something for theatre and there was a scene where us, a gay couple fighting for rights to marry, were supposed to like just kiss the sides of each others' faces so it looked like we kissed on the lips but didn't. Aaaand we misfired. And the class cooed. Some laughed. It was bad."

 

"That sucks really hard. Who was it you kissed?"

 

"Our own Ryan Haywood."

 

"At least it was Ry and you guys are friends."

 

"That didn't make me feel any better about it, but that's true."

 

"It didn't? You have to admit that if you were gonna kiss a guy at the school-hell on this planet-it would be Ryan. You probably enjoyed it, too."

 

'I did. That's why I hate that moment so much. I abhor it.' "Eh, I mean he's pretty hot."

 

"Sexy," Ray agreed.

 

"But I wouldn't pick him."

 

"Then who?"

 

'You.' "I will have to think on that one, go ahead and ask me another question."

 

"Five. What's something you hate about yourself? More specifically non physical things."

 

"What I hate the most about myself would be...I can't be perfect. I will never be able to go throughout life without failing at something, and I hate that."

 

"No one can do that, so you shouldn't feel bad."

 

"I know, I know, it's just...sucking sucks. What about you?"

 

"What do I hate the most about myself? Something I've always had and I can't seem to shake. So you know how I am, typically I'm funny-or I would like to think so because people laugh at my jokes-I can be that center of attention type person but in spite of that I'm sorta..."

 

"Socially inept? Reclusive? Shy?"

 

"Yeah! Not really shy, I mean I have no fear when going up to people and talking to them. It's just that I prefer not to. I like to sit on a corner and play my ds all day, and not speaking to a single person once."

 

"If you like that, then why do you hate that you like it?"

 

"Because I imagine it's not normal to be that way. I like it but I don't at the same time."

 

"That's hard to understand. Do you mean like...you want to be outgoing and social but something’s stopping you? You're in a shell you wanna break out of?"

 

"Dude," He gasped. "you may have just explained me perfectly."

 

"Because I know you well."

 

"Seven...did you enjoy the kiss with Ryan. Put the whole class seeing and embarrassment aside, was he a good kisser?"

 

"It was more like our puckered lips just crushed together since it was an accident, so I don't suppose I could tell if he is or not."

 

"Cool, cool."

 

"Six. Are you jealous that I kissed Ryan?"

 

"No. I have no reason to be."

 

He chuckled and patted the younger playfully on the head. "Just wondering."

 

"Ten, highest number. Well. Out of all of our friends, the dudes, if you had to kiss one--and I meant passionately and meaningfully--who would it be?"

 

"You."

 

"Why?"

 

"You can't ask such a question without spinning." "Nine. Out of all of our male friends, if you had to receive a kiss from one of us without knowing where it was gonna be, who would you pick?"

 

"You. Since you just told me you would be willing to kiss me." "'Nother ten. Why me? You could pick someone big and tall like Burnie, or someone tough and charismatic like Geoff, or funny and handsome like Gavin, or even-"

 

"I swear I'm going to help you with this self-image issue you've got. I could, but that doesn't interest me."

 

"Oh yeah. I forgot, guys don't even interest you."

 

"But since I have to pick, I'd rather go with little, cute, and witty." "Ten. If I were to kiss you right now, hypothetically, would you let me?"

 

"What choice do I have?!" "I can't escape right anyway you're like twice my size."

 

"But let's pretend you can just escape whenever you want. And pretend I'm about to kiss you. What would you do?"

 

"I wouldn't be angry, probably just shrug and go on with my day."

 

"Interesting, so you just wouldn't give a shit basically."

 

"Not really. But..."

 

"But what?"

 

"What did you mean by 'self image issue'."

 

"I don't feel that you're as confident in your looks as you should be. Hell, if I looked like you I'd be one happy fucker. You really are attractive, Ray."

 

"Whatever." he mumbled. "I look like a 10 year old but thanks."

 

"You're welcome." "Eight. What's your favorite thing about me?"

 

"My favorite thing about Joel...Heyman...I will say how successful and responsible you are. Like, your Gpa is over 4.0, and you're able to balance theatre, AP classes, sports, being with a jackass, and gaming club. It's incredible."

...

"My favorite thing about you is your sweet and tender heart," "It's...hidden beneath a part of your personality, the part that would make one think you're a really apathetic person."

 

"Oh?"

 

"But I've seen past that, and it's great. Based on what I know about her, I think you're like your mom. Really motherly and caring, so sweet and nurturing. You like to take care of people, I bet."

 

"Well, I dunno."

 

"Like today. You practically shopped for me, completely cooked for me, did chores for me...things I could have done, but you did them for me when I didn't want to. Never change."

 

"Done," he chuckled. "I don't plan to change."

 

"Good."

 

"You're kinda like that too, I believe."

 

"Me? No I'm a jackass."

 

"You are," he confirmed. "but that's just superficial Joel. Real Joel is nicer and more affectionate like a soft core with a hard shell. The way you're acting now...I doubt people see this side of you often."

 

"Nope, not really."

 

Unable to sleep Joel sat up in bed three hours later and pulled out his phone to look through Bacefook. As he scrolled a picture one of his friends posted caught his attention so he stopped to look at it.

 

It was a simple drawing of a boy and girl holding hands but the coloring and draw style were remarkable with an accompanying caption:

 

**_'10 signs you've found the one'_ **

**_1\. You instantly feel happier when they're around, no matter what._ **

**_2\. Even if you know that they're not super model material, they're absolutely gorgeous through your eyes._ **

**_3\. You have silly dreams about marrying them._ **

**_4\. When in various situations you wonder how they would act if they were there._ **

**_5\. You see things and you note if it's something they would like or dislike._ **

**_6\. Anything associated with romance reminds you of them._ **

**_7\. Somehow they're always on your mind, under any circumstance._ **

**_8\. Merely being in their presence feels like an honor._ **

**_9\. Your feelings for them wouldn't change if they became ugly._ **

**_10\. If there was only one person on your mind throughout reading this, congratulations._ **

_'Yup,'_ he mused as he looked over at the sleeping lad. _'Congrats to me.'_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! <3


	11. Lonliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lone·li·ness  
> ˈlōnlēnəs/  
> noun  
> Without others of a similar kind; lone; solitary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christ it's been like a month. Well, a few days past a month. I feel like I'm saying this every single update...SORRY. As a matter of fact, I'm saying it a bit too much so from now on whenever I take a long time to update (that is a month or more), just imagine in your lovely minds that I'm apologizing. 
> 
> And as always, thank you all for reading! <3

_**'Mon** univers est solitaire.'_

 

Ray recalls the time he told his mother that. Although it was meant as a Joke at the time, now he felt sad because of the truth in it. Ray was alone even when other people were around. Ray was in a shell even when someone was touching him. Acts of affection and kindness never went without appreciation, but Ray was sure in his mind that it was all mostly superficial. Yet he was still grateful when someone complimented him or initiated the conversation. Being in conversations with people was always a delight, but he valued being silent and isolation even more which seemed paradoxical because being left out killed him. To say Ray was never boisterous and loud would be to lie. From the silence sprung shouts of joy and anger and confusion, sprung river-fulls of sentence after sentence, sprung quick witted hilarious jokes. That is why no one would ever say the lad was never boisterous and loud, what else did they see?

 

"Loneliness," Ray said to his book. "everything is about loneliness."

 

"Mmhmm," Geoff nodded. "main aspect of the book pretty much. Kinda makes you feel bad for the characters right?"

 

"Sorta. If I were anyone in this book I would hate life. Especially Curley's wife."

 

"Really? I'd hate being George the most, he's the most lonely soul in the book."

 

"But Curley's wife is so desperate for someone to talk to and get attention she talks to literally any human. She craved acknowledgment and she was willing to get it even from people she didn't like."

 

"Yet she never got it. Nobody on the ranch liked her and she stayed at home always, even with a husband, without company."

 

"Exactly. I'd be so miserable."

 

"Look at George, though. Nobody cared about him."

 

"Except Lennie. That's who gives a 'hoot in hell' about him. But of course he's gone now, so George is alone now."

 

"I guess," Geoff reasoned. "even with slim and the other guys, he's sort of distance. I think a lot of the characters are to an extent, like none of them are truly friends."

 

Ray thought about all the times he felt distance from others, and he saw why he was able to emphasize with these characters so much. "Sounds about right."

 

The older boy closed the book and set it down. Replacing it with a spoon, he took a few bites of Ray's gumbo and looked up at him. "So what're you doing at Joel's house so early before school?"

 

He shifted awkwardly in his chair and cleared his throat. "I just spent the night," he answered quicker than necessary.

 

Unknown to Ray who was looking at the book again, the biggest shit eating grin popped up on Geoff's face. He ran a tattooed hand through his dark locks. He made a mental note to get his hair cut, and got up to put his bowl in the sink. Just as he did Joel came bounding down the stairs with his backpack, textbook, and car keys in tow.

 

"Woah," drawled a surprise Geoff. "you look like shit today dude."

 

The youngest looked over in curiosity, gave him one look, grimaced. A big leap from the typical preppy white boy get up, he nodded in agreement. "Holy fuck yeah."

 

"It's my lazy day," he defended as he looked down at his oversized hoodie and jeans. "I don't dress to impress thirst whores like you guys. Also I will have you all know that I'm exhausted and have been for many days with preparing for the musical and competing in the YBF tournament."

 

The lad looked at him as if he were speaking some alien language."YB-what?" Ray inquired.

 

"It's like a tournament that assesses your physical abilities," Geoff explained. "but mostly in basketball. You play on teams, play one on one matches, physical tests that show your endurance, strength, and speed, and you also do little trivial things like free throws, dribbling and shit."

 

"And are you both doing it?"

 

The older scoffed and shook his head "I'm not, you have to be really fucking good, if you're not you'd just be wasting your time."

 

"But you're varsity aren't you?"

 

"Yeah but you have to be even better than varsity."

 

"We're into the 2nd day of the tournament and it's harder than any practice or tryout I've had at school." It showed. Joel never looked totally radiant or well rested, but his drooping shoulders, darkened eyes, and tendency to keep a blank face made him the manifestation of lackluster.

* * *

  
**The** guys didn't imagine they'd be spending their rest period like this. Arguing about a petty thing that would hardly effect any of them, mostly because the likelihood of it happening was very so low and practically nonexistent. Yet they bickered and debated like crazed congressmen.

 

"So the stipulation is I would get 20 dollars per pump?" Ryan asked.

 

"Yeah," Gavin replied. "and a pump is like each time your lips touch his nuts so your head going back and then forward again is one full pump."

 

Jack chuckled and patted Ryan's back. "That's assuming he could deep throat...can you?"

 

"Uh, yes."

 

The bearded gent laughed even harder, as did everyone else at the table. "It's weird how quickly you answered that you were like 'yeah definitely.'"

 

"I don't know how much experience you have, but no one can deep throat Joel Heyman, not up to the balls."

 

"Is your knob that long, Joel?"

 

"Absolutely. It's like...okay let's say you have a garden hose, right? And then you weld it to three more, bam you have my length. Approximately," he added.

 

"So would you let Ryan suck your knob so we can get this bet going?"

 

"He's free to try but he'll choke before he can get like f-f-fen fah fahl la lah."

 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Michael snickered from beside him.

 

"Joel's stroking out on us."

 

"I was gonna say 'a few inches' but then switched to 'ten inches'," he defended. "I was talking fast so it just messed up my words."

 

"So your dick is ten inches, Joel?"

 

"No I just said it's the approximate length of four garden hose, dumb butt."

 

"Okay this is the final thing: Ryan, you get 1 quid for each second you keep your tongue on Joel's dick."

 

"Deal."

 

"Let's get the fundraiser going and make this happen."

 

"Shut up, you fucking moron." Michael said, as lovingly as one could say such a thing.

 

"Make me, you mongy little bitch." Their faces were getting closer and closer, slowly but surely. Despite the friends around them rolling their eyes and groaning, they came closer and Michael's grip on the brit's hand grew strong, more loving. Eyes closed and breath on each other's lips, if was like a scene out of a movie until shouting from behind them ruined it.

 

"Take that PDA shit somewhere else, homos."

 

"Lance, what the fuck dude!"

 

As quickly as the voices interrupted them, Michael sprung up from his seat and charged the guy called Lance. The boy who'd yelled at him for the snide comment, who turned out to be Blaine, had to take hold of Michael and try to get him off. But the curly head lad was a machine and his arms were like pistons barraging the taller boys visage. It wasn't until Jack came over that Lance was freed and able to scrambling to his feet.

 

"Faggot," He growled. "piece of shit."

 

"How can you look down on others," Michael panted. "when you don't even respect yourself enough to be a decent human being? If a homophobic bitch is all you think you're worth being, theres some seriously self esteem problems. Sad little shit."

 

Those words cut deep, and it was evident in the way lance's expression went from aggressive to hurt. Spitting blood into the grass he muttered a barely audible 'fuck off' and walked off. Michael was still steaming, his face remaining the crimson color. Burnie, whose face was following suit got up from the table and glared at the boy walking back inside.

 

"Dick. We oughta make 'im miserable."

 

Blaine turned and looked around him. A circle of witnesses surrounded their table, a circle of people who saw Michael attack Lance. "Michael kicked his ass in front of all these kids, he isn't gonna hear the end of that for awhile. I think that was enough."

 

"But Lance has done too much," Ryan interjected. "First he was messing with Ray, then me, Kerry, and now he's fucking with Michael and Gavin. He does not learn."

 

"He gets the message now though, surely even he isn't that stupid."

 

Joel came up to them and looked at Ryan, concern and a hint of anger glazed his dark eyes. "What did Lance do to you?" Ryan's head lowered and his glance fell on his feet. "What happened Ryan?"

 

"He was just being Lance, fucking with me for no reason. He doesn't learn, not from just words anyways."

 

"Let's fuck him up," Suggested Burnie. "One on one of course, but he has been like this since forever and no ones tried anything. And god knows he deserves an ass whooping."

 

"Don't you _dare_ , Burnie." Matt snapped at the other." you know the policy: getting into a fight equals termination of three games, maybe even the rest of the season, we can't throw that away just because of him."

 

"Wrestling season's over I'll do it." The brunette lad insisted.

 

"Actually...let's get him kicked off the basketball team, I have a solid plan. Long story short: he takes steroids, and the school has to have drug testing available. Yeah, you should tell the coach, Joel."

 

He blinked with confusion. "And why me?"

 

"Because you're the captain and therefore the most believable."

 

Unable to argue that, he nodded. When it came to a serious issue like drugs, anyone could accuse anyone and they'd be tested ASAP. So while credibility wasn't exactly needed, it didn't hurt to have it. "Okay. Ryan, come with me will you? Have to have backup."

* * *

  
**If** Joel was being frank, the situation had him so heated up he hadn't taken time to take in the moment. But cooled down he was able to. He was walking alone with Ryan.

 

Ryan has always been remarkably more attractive than most boys. And now, as a young man he was flawless. The way his blond hair went back in slight waves, his sapphire eyes, award winning cheek bones rested on a smooth flawless skin. And his thin pink lips...how nice it would be to have them against his own. The strong and masculine farm beast that was James Haywood suddenly had Joel's attention more than ever. This wasn't how it used to be, formerly there was just a subtle admiration for the boy's good looks somewhere in the back of his mind that he rarely accessed, but it was crawling closer and closer to the surface and soon Joel found himself glancing at the junior every so often. Soon Joel found himself watching him more attentively on the court, with his feedback getting more and more detailed. Joel began to notice the younger man's scent, and soon Joel found himself wishing to be around it more often.

 

"So why'd you wanna talk to me?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"Wanting me to come along as backup is a bullshit excuse, so I assume the real reason is that you wanted to talk to me."

 

"I shouldn't have anticipated anything less" he said impressed. "I'm not gonna beat around the bush. You mentioned earlier that Lance has fucked with you and Ray before. So what exactly did he do to you?"

 

"Why do you care so much?"

 

"Because whatever it is, it's made you seem much more...dark on the court. In any other situations you're fine, but when you're around Lance you act like you're uncomfortable, angry, defensive."

 

The gent did a slow mocking clap to applaud his observations in all of their accuracy. "I congratulate your vigilance. You musta been watching me close." Ryan added with a wink.

 

The flirtatious sweet undertone in his deep voice made Joel's heart leap slightly. Those fucking blue eyes were practically beckoning him to come nearer. "So what'd he do?"

 

"Who gives a fuck?"

 

"I do. Dude I can tell it's something pretty bad, it'll be better if you tell someone."

 

"There's no way you could help. Just mind your own god damned business."

* * *

  
**When** he entered the prop room it was dangerously dark. He had to feel his way down the nearly invisible stairs towards the only source of light: an old lamp being held by two strong looking hands. As Kerry came closer to him, he saw the dismay in his face, the anger and feeling of betrayal, and instantly he afraid of what the older would say.

 

"So," Ryan started. "care to tell me why you can't keep your fucking mouth shut and your feelings to yourself?"

 

"I don't see any harm in telling the truth."

 

"What truth? I do NOT like you anymore. I simply do not."

 

"Do you not?"

 

Ryan's face grew darker and hard as stone. "No."

 

"Since when?"

 

"Since... this October?"

 

"Soooo what's that, like, in the third month?"

 

"Yeah it was."

 

"Why didn't you end it as soon as you it figured out?"

 

"Because I wasn't one hundred percent sure then! I dunno an exact date, but around the time I started drifting away. So since I've made it clear ONCE again, don't go about telling people something that is no longer existing."

 

Kerry shook his head incredulously. "I don't believe that, I can't."

 

"Frankly it should have never existed. You want to be able to say it out loud and proud without a worry in the world and you deserve that. But it's not what I want."

 

"I want YOU. Do you not feel the same?"

 

"I can't say what was has completely 'left' because that can't happen so quickly," he admitted. "but most of it has. I don't want something I have to keep lapped in mystery."

 

"It doesn't have to be a secret."

 

"For me, it would have to be. It'd be too risky not to, Lance is suspicious and has been bothering me for awhile now. Only God knows who else knows something."

 

A quiet whimper of a sob escaped the younger's mouth and his voice seemed to break. He sniffled and wiped his nose on such a way that made Ryan feel even worse, his chest hurt. "We've kissed, hugged, spent entire days together, and we've been inseparable for days at a time. Doesn't any of that mean anything to you?"

 

"It does mean something,"He admitted solemnly. "but we can't keep doing what we were, it's not fun that way or the other way. So, sorry." Ryan moved to side step Kerry and leave. He gasped at the sudden force from in from of him, the pressure of someone leaning on him. Then he tried to escape from the arms hugging him around the neck, but that didn't work. Giving up he hung his arms to the side and tried words. "Please stop, Kerry."

 

The sadness tainting the younger voice was so thick it made him want to cringe. How quickly did he regret his angry tone of voice, how quickly did he wish he'd said everything in a kinder way. "It's going to be so different now."

 

"But different doesn't mean bad."

 

"Yes it does!"

 

"As cliche as it sounds, I can assure you this is healthier than a secret relationship." Kerry finally let go, but before doing so he applied more pressure, forcing the taller boy to lean forward. With the distance closed he planted one last kiss on his lips. The last one, yet he did not savor it. The kiss was quick but sweet as though he'd channeled all of his affection into it. Even long after Kerry left Ryan stood there in the darkness, not even able to move.

* * *

  
**Lindsay** trotted over to Ray's desk after flinging her backpack down on her own. She kneeled before it and propped her elbows on the the desk top. The smirk on her face made his face contort into an expression of quizzical amusement and her smirk became a smile. "Sooo how was your sleepover with Joel?" She asked in a singsong voice.

 

"Huh? It was okay, but how'd you know?"

 

The redhead rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Who doesn't? He was sorta bragging about it today in theatre study."

 

"He was just telling people about it?"

 

"Well today we had to do an improv exercise where we talked about what we did yesterday and act it out at the same time."

 

"And he did..?"

 

"Most of his had to do with you guys hanging out, and included you guys sleeping together. It was funny as shit, the entire class went berserk with laughter."

 

Ray smiled happily as he pictures the scene in his mind, and it was so vivid and fluid he was sure he's imagined it perfectly. "Could I ever expect anything less from Joel?"

 

"And he was beaming, I could like see the happiness radiating off of him as he stood before the class."

 

"I don't know what he had to be so happy about, it's just me."

 

"That's it."

 

He was only in this class because the exchange program required it. Which made sense, but he didn't like it nonetheless. He didn't care to learn about the provisions of acts or the impact of amendments. He didn't care to learn the life of the presidents nor did he care for lectures about the roaring 20's. He didn't care to here about how this country won Puerto Rico after defeating the Spanish. Hell he didn't like history period. And his desire to interrogate every single one of his friends made the lesson even more boring than usual. _'Does Joel ever talk about me?', 'Who is he interested in currently?', 'Should I even care?'_  


 

Why should he care? If Joel did indeed like him, what will that change? 'Liking' someone hardly means anything. It's a silly crush that'll go away in about 2 months at the latest, and ties established with that person start to fade. And according to every high school movie ever, people like him and people like Ray shouldn't have ties in the first place. So no, crushes don't mean anything.

 

"Ray-sin!"

 

The call of his nickname brought him back into reality and once again he was conscious of what was going on around him. He jerked his head to the right and the British lad was leaning over his desk with phone in hand. "Yeah?"

 

"Micool just texted me, he said to come to the theatre prop room ASAP."

 

"Okay?" He replied as he got up and followed Gavin out of he room. The teacher hadn't made it back from the teacher's lounge yet, so without explanation they left the room and headed down the hall. "What is the prop room? Where is it?"

 

"It's just a MASSIVE room with stage props and materials for plays. It's underneath the stage itself."

 

"And why does Michael want us to go there? Threesome?"

 

"Could be. It's dark down there, unless by some miracle you can find the light switch, it's far away from any classrooms and no one is usually on the auditorium at this time."

 

"Oooh mysterious and remote, I love it."

 

 

 

When they arrived at the back entrance to underneath the stage Michael put a finger against his lips and motioned for them to follow him. "Don't make a noise. Just follow my lead and listen."

 

And they did. Through the darkness they heard three people guys talking so quietly they had to stand there a moment to recognize the voices.

 

"...he's gonna try and make me look bad or something I just know it!"

 

"Chill Ryan," the lads heard Jack's voice say. "what dirt does he possibly have on you?"

 

"Depends. Do you consider having a three month secret with a guy dirt?"

 

"A 'secret'? Like..."

 

"Yes."

 

"With who?"

 

"Kerry."

 

"And he found you guys out?" Geoff asked. "How?"

 

"I'm not sure. I'm not even 100 percent positive that's why he's been fucking with me lately. But I know Kerry has told some people, so he could've found out from them."

 

"So why was it secret in the first place?"

 

"Because an athlete that isn't straight is gonna go through hell, plus I wasn't one hundred percent positive I wasn't straight at first. I felt something, pursued it, but turns out the feeling didn't stick. Not only because of that but it could potentially ruin my chances with a girl."

 

"Oooh a girl, huh?"

 

"Is it Laurie?" Jacked asked, although his tone revealed he was already pretty sure.

 

"Yes. I don't know how she'd feel about my...past experimentation and I'm not willing to find out."

 

"Has Joel threatened the bitch yet? That'll keep his mouth shut."

 

The lads continued to eavesdrop on the gents. They learned about the powerful bond Ryan and Kerry shared before society met him and he began to conform to its touch. They learned about their intentions to confront Lance and do something that would ensure he stayed in his place. Nothing too violent or excessive, no, they still had their basketball careers in mind. Jack and Geoff continued to lend an ear to the melancholy Ryan and he kept on talking, spilling out his feelings with ease like he'd practiced. They left wondering just how many of their friends had a hidden sexuality and just how much they tried to keep it secret. As they thought of their time in the courtyard earlier the question burned hotter and hotter. Today, Geoff had been sitting in Jack's lap and his feet were resting in Ryan's. Matt held Burnie's hand and to his right Jon leaned against him, who was being leaned on by Ray. And underneath the table Joel and Ryan played footsie. While it all seemed platonic, they could no longer help but wonder if it truly was.

* * *

  
**As** the seven students sat in the courtyard once again everyone could sense the grave cloud looming over them. It'd failed to cover anything or anyone else, it was only above them. Even as everyone joked and laughed and talked it was so strained it hurt, and some of them wondered why they were even trying instead of just hanging their heads in silence. That's what Ryan would rather do but he hated drawing attention to his distress so he tried to be jovial and funny, but how easily they all saw through his facade. Returning to the place it all happened made Michael almost instantly angry. He was the only one was sulking and Gavin felt like he needed to get him into a conversation. "Why do people like incest?" He then asked.

 

"Because that's their fetish," replied Ray nonchalantly.

 

"But I mean like, wot has to be wrong with someone for them to think incest is okay?"

 

"A LOT of shit I'm sure. A lot."

 

"Seriously incest is worse than necrophilia."

 

"You'd fuck an animal before your own relative?"

 

"That's beastiality," Michael chuckled. "you moron."

 

Gavin's expression was one of befuddlement but inside he was howling with joy. The cloud was dissipating now, and the world seized to be gray. With Michael's roughly sweet cackles came smiles of relief from the others. "Necrophilia isn't fucking animals?"

 

"No...what the fuck dude?"

 

"Wait whats Necrophilia then? I meant to say animals."

 

"Necrophilia is when you fuck a dead body, Gavin."

 

"Oh, well I totally meant beastiality."

 

Geoff made a noise showing his uncertainty, shaking his head in disagreement. "But is bestiality really better than incest?"

 

"Nooo they're both terrible but at Least incest is with your own species. Fucking animals?"

 

"Incest would be so awkward though! You could never be at ease around that relative again."

 

"I have to agree with Gavin on this one as rare as that is," Jack interjected. "he's right."

 

"What? You can't have bang an animal!"

 

"Heh, you can bang whatever you want."

 

"So you'd goto a barn and bang some random horse or something?"

 

"Sooner than I'd bang a family member. I just couldn't. Bestiality is still weird but it wouldn't be as awkward."

 

"There is no way in hell id screw with an animal."

 

"I know who would though. What do you think of bestiality, Rye-bread?"

 

"It's...okay? I don't care about it."

 

"You're a liar. Don't you have like a pet dinosaur you fuck?"

 

"What are you bitches talking about?"

 

Barbara patted his head mockingly and chuckled. "Woah Ryan, no need to use such JurAstic language."

 

"You're literally the worst person I know. And Queen Iggie the second is an iguana, doesn't even resemble a dinosaur."

 

"I like how you defended your pet's species before you defended your decency." Gavin interjected with a laugh.

 

"What's that?"

 

"You haven't yet denied that you shag animals."

 

"Well I DON'T! What we should REALLY be concerned with is why Gavin brought up incest, have you done that?"

 

He put an indignant hand on his chest and gasped in fake surprise. "Noo have you?"

 

"I have not either. I like Furries, though."

 

"I like cunnilingus."

 

"I like men."

 

"We know, Ray," Ryan replied. "we know."

 

Jack spotted Joel from across the courtyard and pointed in his direction. "Speaking of men, Joel Heyman am I right?!"

 

Concurring, Barbara added, "Yeah he has great hair and he's...smart."

 

"Joel is smart as fuck," Declared Geoff with unwavering pride. "and he's ambitious so he's surely going somewhere in life."

 

Michael also added to the list. "I heard he wants to be a surgeon or some other profession that makes a lot of money."

 

"He's sweet and caring and totally a generous guy."

 

"And another thing is his penis. It's enormous."

 

"Gargantuan."

 

The Puerto Rican frowned at his phone in confusion. "Good to know?"

 

Michael gave him a cheeky nudge on the shoulder. "I heard he's into foreigners."

 

"You heard it because it's true," replied the Brit. "He likes Asians, Hispanics, Africans, Hispanics, Europeans, and Hispanics."

 

"He loves them all, most of all Hispanics."

 

"Joel Heyman is a fucking great dude."

 

Becoming somewhat irritated, Ray cleared his throat unnecessarily loud and changed the subject. "So do you have any pets besides the iguana, Ryan?"

 

"I live on a farm, so yes I have a lot."

 

"How fitting."

 

"We aren't a meat farm, we don't produce anything that would cause our animals die and I couldn't be more grateful...I couldn't bare it."

 

"Aww," Barbara cooed.

 

"Our cows and steers are for milk, our sheep's wool, our 4 horses just for riding, and chickens and roosters for eggs."

 

"Why do you need steers and roosters for eggs? They're dudes, aren't they?"

 

"You're dumb. They have to fuck the girl so we get more of them."

 

"Oooh."

 

"Anyway, we have one particular steer who is wonderful, Ray." Ryan searched through his phone for a moment and then held it out so ray could see the screen. It was a picture of a steer with big mighty horns. "That is Edgar, my only love."

 

He squinted at the picture and tilted his head to discern the rest of the picture. "Is he in a well or something?"

 

"No it's more of a hole. You can't see in the picture but there is a slope to the left so he can easily climb out if he wishes."

 

Ray wasn't sure if he could believe that or not, but he went along with it to avoid unnecessary talk about it. Instead he and the others continued to listen to Ryan's stories about Edgar. Edgar was a very young calf when Ryan was born and so they practically grew up together but he doesn't recall why. As far back as he remembers, there was simply something that draws him to the steer as if he had to interact with him. Ryan told them stories, not caring to filter out the 'undesirables', until the final bell rang and everyone said their goodbyes for the day and began departing. Ryan and Jack immediately went to the locker rooms for basketball to see who'd made the school's teams this season. Geoff would follow later on, but he had to address some business with the photography club. So while Barbara went to find Arryn and Michael went with Gavin to get the brit's physics project, Ray went towards the parking lots.

 

 

As if interrogation, weird requests, and overdone hints wasn't enough, verbal attack entered the fray. Ray was waiting for Michael out in the parking lot after school and the sea of students passing by meant nothing to them, nor did the chirping of birds or the vibration of his phone. Right now, he wanted to think only of Joel but even the thoughts barraging his mind couldn't stop him from thinking of Ryan. He never imagined Ryan liking anyone other than Laurie, especially a guy of all people. And it being Kerry, who seemed totally incompatible with the junior, made it all the more surprising. He was sad too, because although he'd just learned of it's existence that day, Ray felt that they had a beautiful thing going on. But so quickly did it stop, because of the evil in the hearts of Achievement East High School. Was it really that easy? He wondered, to be pressured into suppressing your feelings for someone? Was it really that easy to just drop someone and forsake them to avoid ridicule?

 

Ray didn't escape ridicule that day.

 

"I'm not going to sugar coat this," said the random girl who'd walked up to Ray all of a sudden. "you need to stay away from Joel Heyman."

 

"No I don't, I'm fine."

 

"You're too...plain. You always wear normal hoodies and t-shirts and normal jeans and shorts. And those huge glasses...they really don't mix with braces. I don't understand why you're such a distraction."

 

"I don't know, I'm satisfied with how many people find me attractive, being a distraction isn't too bad then."

 

"Don't get smart with me fucker."

 

Ray gave her a sarcastic, nearly mocking smirk and shook his head at her, it was a slow sad shake as if declaring shame on a terrible sight. "Don't fuck with other people because of your own insecurities. Are you pissed because you're not a distraction?"

 

"What?"

 

"You're so fucking concerned about what's going in with Joel and who he's around. Are you maybe jealous?"

 

"I'm helping you if anything."

 

"You're being a nuisance really."

 

Each time the girl talked her voice got shakier and higher pitch. Before Ray's eyes she began to shrink until she was a feeble little thing, petty and desperate to defend her argument albeit already lost. Ray was just baring engaging in the conversation, certainly not in an emotional way, and like the other girl she knew that it she saw the insignificance of herself to him. "He's looking for an easy piece of ass and you sophomores will open your legs to anyone who even flirts with you."

 

Ray agreed with solid sincerity. "I bet he is but I'm not the one to seek it from. I don't give two shits about romance or whatever."

 

She pursued the claim yet! "Why would a popular, good looking, senior truly give a shit about some loser, a nobody? He's gonna use you as some cheap fuck toy."

 

"That's not going to happen. Isn't that your job? That's why you fucking came up to me, you thought I was gonna get the time of day before you."

 

"No!"

 

"Fucking nuisance," he sighed. "chill the hell out and go for Joel if you want. I'm not going after any guys."

 

"So you're not gay?"

 

"No," his mouth lied before his brain got a say. "and I'm willing to bet Joel isn't either." He added, thinking that as the truth.

 

"That's not what Lance said. I think he is."

 

"Lance is probably a homo and wants Joel's dick for himself. So in lance's dreams maybe he is and he has said that to discourage you. By the way, if you think Joel is gay why are you still after him?" She was forced into hush mode at this point and could do nothing but walk away. It was a pitiful world, if people had the gall to throw big accusations around like it was nothing. "Bitch." Ray said before pulling out his phone to read a new text.

 

> Michael: got a hot date with Gavvy-Goo. Can you get mom or dad to pick you up?
> 
> Ray: Yeah. Have fun and use protection

* * *

  
**His** mom had to go back to work immediately after dropping him off so he had no one, and he wasn't in his recluse mode right now, no he wanted to talk and have fun with someone. Even just being near someone sounded like paradise then. Feeling as though everyone had temporally forgotten about him, he curled up in a ball and let the sadness settle in his aching heart.

 

This time Mama wasn't there to save him from the loneliness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This thing may potentially be full of typos. Proofing is the most tedious and attention-requiring thing ever(I procrastinate with it so much it makes me take longer to update works). Just let me know if something is so wrong it makes no sense.


	12. Message to Ray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel is taking it to the next step in showing his feelings for Ray since hinting at it was fruitless, so why not just say it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It didn't take me a month to update, what sorcery is this?!
> 
> WARNING: if you really dislike the use of words like 'faggot' or 'gay' beware! I should've had this warning earlier on, but it wasn't until this chapter that I figured the need for a warning was necessary. This chapter and some of the ones hereafter will have these words and other derogatory terms.

Ray,

As if I have to say it. This is the lamest thing I've done for someone. It's 2014 and I'm writing you a letter with a REAL pen and REAL parchment. I'm literally just writing what comes to mind as I go, because the less I think of it the less rehearsed, and the more sincere it'll all be. I'm writing this because I could never recite everything I want to say verbally, because I have so much to say that I'll forget it all as I'm speaking. I'm literally just going to write my thoughts as they form, brevity and poeticism will be scarce.

A week ago in AP theatre study we had to do an improv one man dramatic or humorous interpretation of our time from the day before. My entire performance was about you and I. I pretended to cook to portray how you cooked a great meal for the two of us, and how grateful I was for that. It was just kind, and I felt as though I was really being cared for. To see you standing at the stove skillfully preparing food while I sat at the kitchen table reading a newspaper, and we were so very happy. I talked about us eating and watching Fetnlix together and about the question game we played. The act ended with me stroking your hair as you slept. Which sounds creepy, like something I wouldn't say before an entire class of people, and it was okay yet. I didn't feel awkward or embarrassed saying that stuff because I felt PRIDE. Having an invitation to my house accepted and having the leisure of always hanging out with Ray Narvaez Jr. feels like a PRIVILEGE reserved for a very small number of people. 

I've been endowed with a tendency to be apathetic towards everything, thus I'm inclined to show very little affection towards others and I feel uncomfortable when I do. But with you, Ray, it's a pleasure. This feeling arouses in me the desire to be forever near you. I enjoy being around you more than anyone, but of course trying to be around you every moment and every day would be impractical and impossible. But I think we could get pretty darn close, do you? I've got a little situation here where I want to get closer to you and be involved in every aspect of your life, good and bad, but I'm scared to. Where do I draw the line separating creepy and romantic? Shake the doubt from my mind and shine on me a light that takes anything lapped in mystery and allows it to show. At first it was a beautifully ugly thing: the idea of liking men didn't appeal to be at first, and it is still crazy and foreign in my sometimes 'womanizing' mind. I wasn't sure if I really had such feelings for you at first. Maybe it was hormonal changes tainting my mind or some stupid phase every teen goes through. But there are some things that challenge that.

Remember that incident with Lance a week ago, and Matt told me to tell the coach about his drugginess? Well I have done it, and thought of you throughout all of it because it's YOUR inconveniences that bothered me the most. I walked into the coaches office after school that day and said, "Hey coach, I've got a problem here that you need to look into immediately."

"Oh, what's the problem then?"

"In a nutshell," said I. "I was told today Lance Fraiser is taking steroids."

His eyes narrowed in confusion and his mouth opened slightly. "Who told you this? And how long have they known?"

"Matt Hullum, but I don't know how long he's known." Our conversation ultimately ended in Matt being called to the coaches classroom (he teaches math, too.) And him telling the coach that he found out the day before. I would have challenged that except for the fact his potential fib made us seem more believable. We would have seemed suspicious if we'd known for a long time and then all of a sudden decided to report him, and while we were sure (enough) that he'd been shooting up we needed credibility. Lance's drug test came back positive. He's been expelled for the rest of the year and I doubt this'll sit well with the NCAA, so he won't be on a real court soon. I'm totally fine with that because it taught him a lesson and it gave him what he had coming to him. And I'm joyous because he's stopped bothering people, stopped bothering you. I notice you're no longer angry all the time in French class because he is gone, and that was my main goal. Ensuring your happiness.

You do the same for me, even without trying sometimes. But the last time you did try, two weeks ago, made me once again feel that reassurance. Thank you for helping me cope with my breakdown and I'm sorry you were the one around when it happened. I'm embarrassed by my weak soul and hate that you had to be the one inconvenienced to take care of me, and afterwards I'd shut you out. You deserved an explanation and I was too ashamed to even speak with you after that, but tomorrow I will. I do not cope well with failing at things as I've told you, and when I found out that I didn't make it to nationals for that basketball contest I mentioned to you every negative emotion imaginable fell on top of me: Self loathing, despair, sadness, and fury to name a few. And my logical mind left me the moment I realized my name wasn't on that list. And I forgot how to stand and breath properly. And I hate myself for breaking down in front of you. I'm not looking for pity(that would actually make me feel worse), I just want to explain what happened. 

Since I don't seem crazy enough yet, I've got an interesting true story that happened just two days ago. Geoff Lazer Ramsey is a total asshole. He was the second person I confessed my feelings for you to, and ever since I've noticed him jokingly flirt with you whenever I'm around. I'm compelled to be angry, for he might as well have been literally stabbing me in the heart, but it's Geoff. He's not truly an asshole but sometimes you can't tell if he's joking or not, so I went up to him one day and asked him about it.

"So how's Griffon? You guys doing okay?"

"Uh huh," he replied, turning to face the football field next to us. "we're wonderful. Ya know just yesterday we went shopping for winter dance."

I chuckled and came towards him, walking around him so that we were facing each other again. "Are you sure it wasn't Ray?"

The cheekiest bastard smirk appeared on his face, but he turned away again to try and hide it. "Who is that, the Mexican kid?"

"I figured you would know, since you ride his nuts so often."

"I don't know who 'his' is," he pursued.

I began to laugh and punched him playfully on the arm. Then I called him an asshole and we started talking about you and I. He assured me his 'flirting' with you was his bitch of a way to mess with me (yes, I actually needed reassurance.) and we began to make predictions of the potential relationship we could have. Here is, basically, what he guessed:

We would begin wearing pink polos and white skinny jeans every day. We'd dye our hair platinum blonde and dress it with heaps of gel and hold hands everywhere we went. Stupid pet names would replace our real ones, even around others. And around other people you and I would kiss and hug and show as much affection as we pleased without any regard to people's disapproval. A group of homophobic pricks would come up to us and try to fuck with us, but we could take them. That's one of the few things about his entire story I agreed with, but my take on our relationship seems more practical. In my dream we would look and dress the same we do now, first of all. I think we would treat each other the same for the most part except there would be more kisses, hugs, and sweet greetings and farewells. In such a relationship we'd be so gay for each other it's painful and I can't wait for this dream, if you so permit, to become reality. What a treat that would be to call you mine. Because I adore everything about you and cherish every moment I get to even see you, and it hurts when I don't. Because I see so much beauty in you and I am forever thinking of you, thinking about us. Words can't describe even a fraction of my feelings for you, but I love to try. My doubt is gone and I'm ready to embrace these feelings.

I walk with a gait of a man who has conquered the ultimate feat, but all I have conquered is my stubborn mind. Because I have tried to avoid this fate, this vis á vis with reality. How many times did I turn my back to it only to be faced with it again and again? For the strongest building will decay if it is never maintained, even swords of tungsten break if a blacksmith does not love them, and the biggest boulder will erode without shelter from the rain. Where are my maintenance workers, my blacksmiths, my doctors, and my shelters? They forsook my mind as my ego gives way to affection and my perception changes to make room for this unbidden discovery. 

I've just written you the corniest letter that has ever existed. You're the first person I've written a letter to in years and as I wrote it I still question why I even bothered. And there is only one possible conclusion I can come to: I like you. 

Stupidly,  
-Joel

 

He reread the entire letter and instantly abhorred his work. How stupid and desperate and strange and pathetic it made him seem. A list of every negative aspect of himself would have been better if not on par with this letter, he'd decided. Angry and embarrassed at his own thoughts he slammed it down on his desk and got up to lie in bed. Why did it feel so right as he was writing it, but like a mistake only moments later? If he ever saw this letter, surely he'd begin to fear being near Joel and see him as no more than a desperate stalker. There were days yet in which he wouldn't have been sure if the things he'd just written down were valid. Would he believe anything the letter said? He didn't know but it wasn't going to matter anyway. Ray would never see it. On a wim, without much thought of the consequences, he got up from his desk and shuffled across the dimly lit room to retrieve his phone. He was extremely tired now, maybe thats why he couldn't write a proper letter. With heavy eyes barely focused on the screen he scrolled through his contacts until he found 'Sarge-ent Matt' and pressed the white voice call button. Surprisingly it only rung one time before he heard a voice.

 

"Hello?" Answered Matt from the other side of the phone. 

"Hey, Sarge. How're you?"

He yawned. "Im as good as a sleep deprived bastard could be."

"Did I wake you up?"

"You would think that at 4:30 in the morning you did, but no I'm already up. Had last minute trig homework. How are you?"

Joel sighed wearily into the phone and he eased down onto his bed, pulling at the covers with one hand to get them on him. "As good as a pathetic romance impaired fool can be."

"What happened with Ray, now? Is this about your break down?"

"You know about it?" He asked all too nonchalantly having asked it before.

"Ray told me a few days ago, he seems worried about you and you guys avoiding each other isn't helping."

"God dammit I know it," he sighed. "but it'll be awkward. He thinks I'm a sad strange fuck." 'And he would be right', thought Joel.

"Then why is he concerned about you?"

"Okay okay whatever. I was planning on talking to him today anyway, which is why I called in the first place."

Matt hummed knowingly. "Oh I see you need daddy Hullum's advice. Well, Caboose, I don't know how to woo a guy but hopefully it's similar to women wooing."

"'Women wooing'...'daddy Hullum'...I'm doomed already."

"No, no, you'll be great. At least I'm not gonna suggest something corny and dumb like writing a letter."

A breathy laugh escaped Joel's lips and he scoffed in awe at the coincidence. "I just fucking wrote one. I LITERALLY just wrote one before I called you."

"Jesus! Well, what's it say?"

For a moment he contemplated reading the letter to him, hoping that it wasn't so terrible after all. But after skimming through it and reminding himself of the lines that caused him to hate it the most, he shook his head at no one in particular. "Uuum well, I'm so ashamed of it I don't even wanna say. It felt right as I wrote it, my hand was just running across the paper so naturally but when I finished it looked like crap and I feel bad about my very existence for even thinking it was a good idea."

"Well if you're not confident about it you shouldn't show him. Why don't you sing him a song? You're good at that."

"I'm no Justin Timberlake or Barry Manilow."

"You're one of the lead roles in the musical...you can sing, dude. I love hearing you sing and so do others."

"What should I sing? IF I decide to."

"I have the perfect song: look deep into your childhood and PLEASE tell me you remember the Don Bluth film Thumblina."

"Aahhh that was my shit back in the day!"

"You need to sing the 'let me be your wings song'. I was watching to film with my little cousin the other day and the nostalgia was real."

"What's it go like again? Let me be your wings...let me be your only love. Let me take you far beyond the stars."

"Let me be your wings,"Interjected the older. "let me lift you high above... Everything we're dreaming of will soon be ours!"

"I love that song even now. But what about Thumbelina's part?"

"Can Ray sing? If he knows the song then he can sing it with you."

"That sorta defeats the purpose of singing FOR him," Joel grunted as he struggled to hold the phone with one hand and pull up his khakis with the other. 

"Maybe you can...make it an interactive serenade? Get him involved and whatever."

"Got any other cool songs I could sing instead? And also, when would I do it?"

"Oh that's a whole other thought process. What time is it now?"

"It's 4:40, we haven't been talking that long."

"Dude there's no way Ray isn't still sleeping, any normal human would be."

"I am not standing outside his window and throwing rocks at it just to sing, this is 2014, dude."

"Hahahah, fine, just thought I'd throw it out there. How about you invite him over after school and do it?"

"Or how about I don't at all?" The despaired boy asked. "Two ideas sounded good at first and then sound horrible after giving it more thought, and that's two thoughts too many. I should save myself the embarrassment and just talk to him normally. Fucking sing to him...that's just as corny."

"And where will your relationship with him go from there? If you just keep being platonic you won't leave the friend status, buddy."

"I've flirted with him before!"

"When? How? Describe it!" He asked incredulously.

"There have been times when I try to touch his hair and I tease him, like I sneak up behind him in the hallway and I grab onto his shoulders as we walked, ya know? And I've caressed his face with my hands and made like I was gonna kiss him, but didn't lean in close enough. We've practically spooned on my couch just chilling and watching tv, and we've hugged. Oh, and I've bit his ear, that's sexy as shit. Bam!"

"Hot," Matt agreed with mild sarcasm. "and is any of this stuff recent?"

"The last thing was like sleeping in the same bed. That was two weeks ago."

"So not recent enough, then today is a good day to make some kind of move."

"Will you help a brother out?"

"If your move is after 2nd hour I sure will. I'm tired as fuck and I'm not leaving my house until I get enough sleep."

"Oh yeah? What do your parents think of this?"

"They both goto work a little before I leave for school. For all they'll know I'll just be taking longer than usually to get ready, so I'm good."

"I could use some sleep myself. I know it's a bad thing to do, but as long as we're there for at least 5 classes we can goto practice still."

"Yeah I'm excited as fuck for today. Today is the first day of real practice, right?"

"Yes. No more of that pre season conditioning stuff this is the real thing, and our first game is in two weeks."

"The homecoming game? That's-dude you need to ask Ray to homecoming."

"He's already taking someone. A pretty girl. And I'm sorta taking a girl too."

"Oh...we're still sure he's gay, right?"

"Yes, he still is as far as I know. They're just going as friends."

"And we're still sure you're gay, right?"

"We've never been sure of that. And stop using that word I fucking hate it."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to be, if it turns out I am. Yet the idea of it makes me so happy and I'm terrified of that."

"Now that's another problem," suddenly Matt didn't sound like a friend. His voice shifted in pitch, becoming lower and smooth as if he'd matured a decade. It was reminiscent of a father and the seriousness made Joel uneasy. "I'm here asking about Ray, but do we know for sure if you're homosexual?"

"Don't say that word either!"

"What word do I say then?!"

"Say...'not straight'. That may sound childish, but please."

"Fine. But I have a little anecdote that explains why you need to know it before you make any moves on him."

"Do I really?"

"Yes, and here's why: Back in august I stayed after school to do an extra credit project in AP chemistry and as I was leaving I noticed something sorta funny. Not haha funny but I something I wasn't expecting; Ryan and Kerry have a relationship going on, and I saw them kissing in a desolate hallway as I walked towards an exit. Being the curious young man I am I asked Kerry about them and he proudly confirmed to me that they were indeed together as did Ryan when I mentioned it to him."

"Okay...but I thought Ryan was into Laurie he said last month he's taking her to winter dance."

"That's where problems come in. It was last month that Ryan was talking about how confused he was. He told me that he was beginning to have second thoughts about being with Kerry, admitting that he wasn't even sure if he was 'not straight' when they started dating. There were times where he felt like he was with his soulmate and he just wanted to shower him with those feelings, but sometimes doubt sawed at the back of his brain and he questioned if he'd made the right choice after all. Until at some point he finally decided that he was, after all, straight and wanted to be with girls. Now they aren't together because he broke it off."

Joel thought about Ryan and how he acted two weeks ago, it made sense. "That must be why Lance was messing with him and Kerry."

"I think so. I realize it is what it is and that no one can force them self to like someone, but he really hurt Kerry as any break up would do. Honestly I feel that he was fucked over in that situation. 'Oh I like you. Oh never mind wrong gender bye bye.'. A huge misfortune that could've been avoided if he had his mind made up before dating someone. It'd be a bad thing if you did that to Ray."

"I understand. I feel like a dick because I didn't even imagine it could turn out that way but it's absolutely true. I am not 100 percent certain if I'm straight or not, nor am I certain who I want to be with since lately other people have caught my eye."

"It's normal to have multiple crushes at once, but I think usually there is one person who will surpass them all which is how I was. I liked Yomary, Anna, Lindsay, and Kara all at the same time once and holy shit was I confused at first. Over some time-not too much time no more than two months-these feelings went away and only the ones that mattered sticked. No matter what I never lost my feelings for Anna and I knew she was the one for me. Now I have a lovely girlfriend."

"Great for you guys." He muttered sourly.

"Sorry for going a bit off topic," Matt said chuckling. "but that happens with most people so you will know eventually if you like Ray or...who else is it?"

"I hate to say it. There're two others and they both suck but I have thoughts about them a lot, emotions that run deeper than anything you'd feel for a friend."

"Who are they? It's fine to say."

"First is Ryan," he reluctantly forced himself to admit. "He's fucking hot, dude."

"He's attractive," he concured. "I can't argue that."

"Hah yeah who could? And then after you take full notice on how good looking someone is you begin to notice other aspects of them like humor, kindness, and intelligence, the cliches. Ryan has all of those things. But so does the other person who I absolutely don't want to say. Well there are pros and cons to having this crush."

"Now you just have to tell me! You can't say something like that and then not-"

"It's Kara. She's growing on me."

"I thought he hated her frankly."

"No, no never. I've never even disliked her I just felt dismayed about the idea of her liking me and should she still feel this way the feeling's now mutual."

"That's the twist of the century. Kara, Ryan, and Ray.,.all three good looking, nice, and to varying degrees smart. Who will Joel Heyman pick?!"

Joel didn't even have to think to get his answer. "I certainly like Ray more, I never thought of writing a letter to the other two, nor is the feeling as strong."

"Okay then...you know what? you should just walk up to Ray and kiss him like just do it without thought, kiss and walk away don't wait to see his reaction."

"Why would I do something stupid like that?"

"Why not?! Worse case scenario he's creeped out and never wants to see you again, but at least you got to kiss him."

"A kiss versus a long term relationship with many kisses...yeah sounds like a fair trade."

"I know it's stupid, but really he probably won't hate you for it, Ray's easy going like that."

"Now that you mention that, I did once ask him what he would do if I kissed him, and he told me he wouldn't care. At least he wouldn't be angry, he claims, but it's a whole new story when it actually happens. He can't be certain how he'll react in a situation he hasn't been in, no one could."

"Caboose you are over thinking this. Usually only girls do that crap while us guys are more impulsive and oblivious so just do what you think is right. You might decide later on that the letter and/or song are good enough after all, and it's not too late to do the window thing. Or you may decide to not do a god damn thing."

"Yeah, I'll do whatever. I'll see you at school, dude."

"Tell me how things go, buh bye."  
\---  
"Ray!" He turned around in his chair and he was surrounded, albeit by only two people yet he felt surrounded whenever there was a camera involved. Jon had called out to him and he was holding a camera while a girl, whose name might as well have been 'Murmur' from what Ray heard, was holding a tablet with a keyboard attached to it. She sat down next to him and got ready to type, her hands hovering above the keys. This told Jon that she was ready and he begun speaking again.

"We're with the newspaper and all so we're gonna do that whole interview thing. I realize this is on the spot, we're putting a small story about every exchange student in next week's paper, but that's what we're going for. It gives the interviewee less time to fabricate or have second thoughts on what they wanna say, making their responses more...sincere ya know?"

"Uh huh, that's true." Since the older boy was looking right at him anyway, Ray took this time to admire his face without looking weird. Because of his soft features looked younger than his 17 years, a bit child-like but still very attractive and his milky flawless complexion contrasted lovely with his big sapphire eyes that glowed like there were lights behind them. All of this, along with his plump bubblegum lips and long hair made him 'pretty', and Ray was taking it all in.

"First off," he said lifting the camera to his face. "we need a picture of you if that's okay."

"Can I do whatever pose I want?"

"Urm yeah as long as it's appropriate, I guess." Ray shrugged and got up from the chair and opened his backpack to pull out his glasses case. He held it out against his crotch and have the camera a silly face with wide eyes and grin ridiculously large. "That's adorable. Now we get onto the questions."

"So the less fun part, okay."

"Naw the fun's just starting. First, why did you become an exchange student? And why America?"

"Uh, well honestly at first I wanted to goto Australia, but I'd heard more, better things about America. I heard that here there are more...what's it called again? Oh leisures. Yeah they're more leisurely things, fun attractions, good food, and opportunity. Supposedly America was the melting pot of cultures with the best technology and chance to be happy, aaand I so wanted to see if it really was because it sounded like a foreigner's dream world. I also wanted to be submerged into a whole new culture and surround myself with people of a different background to see what the world is like beyond the small island of Puerto Rico."

"And is America everything you hoped it would be so far?"

"So far I've found that America does have some of the aforementioned traits, and I'm checking those things off in a mental list of mine. I'm pretty confident that by the time I leave everything will be checked."

"I'm sure it will be too, and then some. Was there something you were expecting but were shocked when that something wasn't here?"

"Oh yeah. There aren't as many loud, rude, overweight rednecks as I'd thought there would be. I also imagined everyone going like 'yeehaw ride 'em cowboy' and 'Yippee kiyay get along lil' doggie.' But I have literally only met like two people with that accent so far."

"I was too when I moved here, honestly. Alright last question: would you recommend going to Puerto Rico to people?"

"Well I don't think anyone would wanna waste to money...naw jay-kay, it's awesome there and anyone into the tropical, vacation-y scene should go. The weather is always nice and the fruit is fresh, you can see our culture engraved into everywhere you go. People there are friendly and there's never a shortage of tourist sites."

"That's sounds really nice, I might go there actually," the quiet girl chirped in.

"You should, it's hard not to love. Also is that picture gonna be allowed in the newspaper or is it too dirty?"

Jon and the murmuring girl looked at each other and gave each other doubtful looks. Finally, she shook her head at him and he concurred, nodding back. "Juuust to be safe," he said lifting the camera again. "let's take a more appropriate one." This time Ray made a calmer facial expression. His smile bared no teeth and his eyes normal as he gave the camera two thumbs up. "Nice, well...I don't think I have anymore questions. Any final comments you want to possibly show up in the newspaper?"

"Uh yes," he answered. "Put this word for word: Puerto Rico for world power 2k14."

"Nationalism. Love it." He stood there as Jon picked up his bag, and when the older turned to face Ray once more he was taken aback by the uncannily blue eyes.  
\---  
Like Matt, Joel didn't come to school until after second period. After he got off the phone he slept, already dressed in his outfit for today, for an hour and spent the final hour eating and finding his will to goto school. When he arrived at 9:10 he wished he hadn't; he forgot for a moment that he shared third period French with Ray and he wished he would have stayed home even longer. But his friend's words haunted him and floated about in his mind. 

'...and you guys avoiding each other isn't helping...'

I snuck up behind Ray, grabbed his shoulders, and made him jump in his chair. He spun around only to do something which, frankly, was one of the last things I'd anticipated he'd do. I thought he'd frown and face forward again and it shoot some witty snide comment my way, but instead he smiled. He smiled at me and it was the most genuine expression I'd seen from him in awhile. It was contagious, too! My initial reaction was to smile back but it turned out to be a grin. As much as it needed to be a smile, I couldn't stop my face from contorting into a grin or stop my heart from warming up. After our facial exchange I realized that I still had my hand on his right shoulder and retracted it as though he were made of hot coals. 

"Cava?" He said.

"Salut, je vais bien. Toi?"

"Bien, merci."

I patted his back in congratulations. Obsessive, but I just enjoyed touching him. Is it weird that I feel something 'surge' through my arm when I do? "I'm happy to see you're speaking French of your own free will."

"I'm glad to see you period."

"Same."  
...  
When we left French class I walked him to his next class. I was searching through my mind, trying to find the right way to phrase all the things I wanted to say, but I was saved by him starting the conversation after walking silently. "Joel?"

"Sup?"

"I'm sorry I've-"

"Whatever you're gonna apologize for you don't need to because I know you've done nothing wrong to me. It's my fault that we haven't talked for two weeks and I'm sorry for that it's just that I was embarrassed by myself. You're only the third person to have seen me like that, and the first in about four years so I'd forgotten how to handle myself during those times. You shouldn't have had to have dealt with me."

"There was no reason for you to be embarrassed. If that thing discouraged me, then I wouldn't have stayed to help."

"Good point, but I just hate being bitch."

"Don't worry about it. I'm glad I was there for you, better than you being alone isn't it?"

"Uh y-yeah it is."

"What're you going to the theatre for?"

"So we could talk, if you're okay with missing fourth hour."

"We have a free day in marketing, so it's whatever."

I simply nodded and led him to the back stage of the theatre. I was more used to being on the front part of the stage rather than the behind the scenes area, so it was nice to look up and see the cords, sandbags, creaky metal rafters, and ancient looking catwalks. It was sort fantastic being there at this time. Skipping classes has never been my thing and even then I felt guilty for doing it, for being here alone with Ray instead of sitting in a desk pretending to read Hamlet. "Do you remember the last time you came to my house about two weeks ago?"

"I do."

"And I asked you what you would do if I kissed you."

"And I said I wouldn't care that much."

'Fuck it...just do it...YOLO is true...worst case scenario won't be the end of the world...he DID said he wouldn't be mad if I did...why not just try...if things go wrong, well at least I got a kiss'

I took hold of his shoulders and guided him, slightly rougher than intended, against a wall and had an arm against the wall on either side of him, trapping him. It all happened to fast for me to see his reaction I simply leaned forward and kissed him. When my lips met his cheek touched I felt relief because it felt as though a life's worth of burdens had been lifted at last. I felt relief because if felt as though I had a secret to share and I'd just shouted it to the entire world. It was the unforgettable sensation of wish being realized, a deep yearning finally being satisfied. At first his body stiff because he had been surprised but he sort of melted into the kiss soon after. As did I. In our own little 'realm' of suspended time we allowed ourselves to ease into the kiss and I felt both of our bodies lose all tension. I wanted to do much more, to plant a kiss just a few inches to left and taste those lips yet it felt like the time hadn't come because Ray wasn't ready. We together weren't ready. This all happened in two seconds at the most before I pulled back and stepped away from him. For a moment he just stared at me, flushed and confused until he finally broke the awkward silence. Ray's voice was slightly unsteady, as if he were uncomfortable. I'd noticed that whenever he's excited, enraged, flustered, or any state of mind that leaves him beyond a normal demeanor, his English broke. That's how I could tell that inside his mind was racing and he didn't feel normal. 

"That were weird, really really weird." 

"A kiss on the cheek is fairly normal."

"In itself yes but it depends on the circumstance. Like now it's incredibly weird It would be normal only if you were like-" he stopped talking abruptly and looked at his feet. He began to shift nervously, his discomfort increasing.

"If I were like...?" I inquired.

"If you were uh...my boyfriend o-or something."

"Oh." I could have cut the awkwardness with a knife it was so thick, it was practically manifesting before me. "Yeah that would be pretty weir...well-something."

"Yeah. Later."

He was already turned around and walking away before I could say my goodbye, which came out as a mumble. He wouldn't have heard anyway since he was already far away from me. "Later."  
\---  
"So what're you doing the day of Winter dance, Joel?"

"No I'm not going with you Michael go fuck yourself," I answered, looking up at him smiling. 

A deep humlike laughter rumbled through his chest and he threw his phone at me. At first I just looked at him with confusion and then down at the phone, then back at him. He gestured towards it and I finally realized that the grid of apps was visible instead of his lock screen. Why did he want me to look through his phone, I wondered. I searched through my mind, quickly recalling all of the stupid things I'd recently done that could've involved him to no avail. Still I wasn't certain what app he wanted me to open, so I kept switching between eyeing the phone and looking at him curiously. For a moment he just looked at me expectingly but clearly I'd disappointed so he huffed in annoyance and barked at me to look at the most current text conversation he had. I involuntarily winched when I saw that it was his messages with Ray, and I winced again when I saw today's conversation between the two.

Ray: Joel kissed me today.  
Michael: Really when?  
Ray: after third hour. He took me to the theatre because he wanted to 'talk to me', but instead he kissed me on the cheek.  
Michael: how fucking boring no lip action.  
Ray: -_-  
Michael: so did he just like do it and walk away or what? What happened afterward?  
Ray: after he did it I felt really confused and I said that shit was weird, to which he said was actually normal. Me, being the dumb idiot face I am, said it'd only be normal if you were my boyfriend and I just dismissed myself and stayed to the library until fifth hour. The whole situation was just awkward and discomforting.  
Michael: holy shit I bet. Are you okay with this event or what're you feeling right now?  
Ray: I am all kinds of flabbergasted. Out of all the people I know, he's one of the last I would imagine doing that.  
Michael: Ray you're so lost, allow me to find you.  
Ray: ?

"We talked later on," he began. "and asked me about you. He wanted to know if I knew about any romantic interests you have and I called him a moron because it's obviously him."

"'Obviously', huh?"

He leaned against the railing and twirled his lanyard around his finger. The constant jingle of his keys because a rhythm I memorized even as he continued talking. "Anyone who's around you two enough, that is when you two are together, could at least have their suspicious and they'd be right, no?"

The secret was apparent to him now, maybe it was never a secret to him, so I didn't even bother denying it. Michael has been around us together fairly often, and in retrospect his statement was fairly true. Whenever Ray and I are hanging out with a group of people, they might as well all be statues. They might as well be blind statues that didn't see the way I played with Ray's hair or the way he leaned on me for no reason and they might as well be deaf statues that couldn't here how Ray's laugh changed when I teased him or the flirtatious comments I shot at him. I was so gay for him rainbows and pink sparkles radiated from me and surely any idiot could have seen it if they were there. All except for the victim himself. Either that or he simply chose to ignore it. 

As if reading my mind and trying to answer my questions Michael continued talking before I could respond. "The portrayal of romance, especially with teens, in those stereotypical high school movies is burned into Ray's mind. There's literally a brand on his brain from them. He told me when he first got here that before he left he used them to learn about the American lifestyle and desensitize himself before facing a new culture. The one where looks and popular determine your social class, and nerds and jocks should be enemies."

"And apparently nobody can date outside of their social class yup sadly that's a lot of people's mindset. It's so fucking annoying, like I just don't believe looks and popularity put you above or below anyone." 

"I wish Ray would see that. I wish Ray would see that not all high schoolers are sex hungry hormonal meatheads...or maybe they are, but at least some have enough respect to not act like it."

"If he didn't think that way," I asked. "what are the chances of him and I being like a thing?"

"Ray's a mysterious little shit, I'm never quite sure what he's thinking or how he feels because it's usually not very obvious."

"Hah, tell me about it,"

"So I have very little idea about his feelings for you, he hasn't showed that he likes you but he also hasn't shown that he doesn't...if that makes sense?"

"A little," I fibbed. "I could always find out somehow...you guys staying to watch us practice?"

"Not today, I'm afraid. I'm going with Lindsay, Tina, and Ray to shop for the dance. By the way you could ask him to the dance. If he stands up Tina for you, then he probably does like you."

"Tina is too nice to fuck over like that, I'm already going with Kara anyway. And before you say 'I thought you didn't like her' since I'm sure you will," he nodded to show that I was correct. "I've never disliked her I just felt strange being around her because she's so attached to me, but I do like doing fun stuff with her."

A big shit-eating grin creeped onto his face, and I knew what he was going to say before he actually did. "Does that include fucking? What'll Ray think?"

"Not like that, god forbid. It's all about Ray." I instantly felt disgusted by myself because that wasn't quite true. I wanted it to be, I wanted to have only feelings for Ray and nobody else would matter but in the darkest abyss of my mind there was yet a sliver of affection for Kara and Ryan that exceeded that of friend or best friend. "What about you, though? Why're you taking Lindsay, when she has that one guy and you have Gavin?"

"She's going because Tina wanted to look for dresses with her, and Ray wanted me to help him. I already have my outfit picked out but he needs fashion advice, the poor bastard." After Michael and I finished up our conversation and he left I unlocked my phone a began googling away. I searched things like 'Can you like one person but have smart crushes on other people?', 'is it possible to like multiple people?', and the one whose prospects terrified me 'if I like multiple people does the main attraction truly mean anything?'. My search for a cut and dry 'yes or no' answer was pretty much fruitless. There was all this shit saying it's possible to like one person more than others but you have to cast a spell on the fourth day of so and so year while balancing a boulder on your head with five seconds left before midnight and you could only do it every fifteen thousand years when the moon was green. I felt like I hadn't gotten any closer to understanding this awful conflict going on inside me and defining my feelings. Then a pair of hands were suddenly on me. They came from behind me and rested on my shoulders before I noticed the weight of a being leaning towards me and then soft breathing against my ear. 

"Boo." I heard the familiar Hispanic voice say.

"Hey," I said with amused confusion.

"Hey I can't stay after today to watch you, but good luck on your first day of real practice." Then, quicker than my mind was processing it, more weight was being put on me and Ray's head was more beside my own than behind it. I felt soft lips press against my cheek. They were slightly wet and smelled faintly of lime marcex lip balm. Ever so sweetly, in the most innocent, most timid, and cutest voice Ray said, "bye, Joel." And with a little smile he was gone. 

All I could do was smile and wave back because my words were stuck. As if I could've said them with such a big stupid grin using up all of my face muscles. For the rest of the day whenever I was alone, or at least no one was in front of me, I would smile. It was a small, faint smile by it was there yet every time I thought about him and that face of his. This wasn't the first time I'd been taken aback by one of his smiles. It was always a smile that stretched from ear to ear but never revealed his perfect teeth, but it brought his cheeks up, causing him to look like he was squinted. It was small actions, words, and expressions like that which never allowed me to forget that Ray was the most beautiful human being I'd ever known.

But later on I wondered if I'd been over thinking Ray's kiss. All of us in the gaming council had such a strong friendship that the occasional act of homosexuality wasn't anything foreign or frowned upon. Kerry and Miles, Kiles, is my otp because while they are both indeed straight miles would sometimes kiss the younger blonde on the cheek. The brevity of the kisses confirmed that it didn't go beyond platonic bro love, and I worried that Ray's kiss to me was no different. It didn't stop with the four of us though, no everyone had their gay moments. Tina had recently joined the gaming club and she and Barbara would sometimes lie on one of the couches together as close as possible while they played against each other in video games. When Jon was lying on another couch Ray would bother him until he spread his legs, and when he finally did Ray crawled between them and lied on top of him to watch him play on his ds. (To which I feel like a bitch admitting I'm jealous of. Geoff sometimes sat on Jack's lap whenever they played games whether it was just the two of them or many others, and whenever Caiti wanted to sit on it he'd just scoot over and share a leg. There were times where even I found myself squashed between Church and Sarge on a couch with Michael lying across the three of us, and not a single one of us minded these moments. Because of all of this, I began to wonder if I overthought Ray's kiss and if he under thought mine.  
\---  
Joel didn't understand the severity of the position he was currently in. He was standing up in the middle of a room standing between Burnie and Geoff with his shirt unbuttoned as they sung an off key rendition of 'Call me Maybe'.

"Hey! I just blew you, and this is kinky, but here's my number so fuck me maybe..!" Even through his hazy mind he realized he was drunk, but the stupidity of everything he'd done since becoming drunk didn't quite sink in enough to tell him to stop. After a few more poorly sung songs and hands of cards he settled on lying back in the recliner of a living room whose owner he didn't recall quickly enough. For no reason clear enough for him to explain, talking to Ray suddenly appealed to his drunken mind. 

 

Joel:Hi  
Ray: Hey Joel  
Joel: Hi cutie  
Ray: how're you?  
Joel: are you going to just ignore the new nickname I made up all by myself?  
Ray: I mean it wouldn't be the first time someone was genius enough to call someone 'cutie'.  
Joel: You're welcome, CUTIE.  
Ray: Joel plz.  
Joel: Accept it, damn it. Accept the name.  
Ray: I don't want it, it's not fitting at all I'm literally too ugly for it haha.  
Joel: You're the cutest little fucker I've ever seen seriously you're adorable and so youthful looking.  
Joel: cutie is the perfect name for you.  
Ray: no I'm not.  
Joel: you're so hot, one of many reasons I like you so much. If you were ugly why would I like you?  
Joel: hell or maybe I still would  
Ray: okay...  
Joel: I understand you're too stupid and clueless to notice it but I admire your looks a lot I like to see you and when you smile so do I because it's so beautiful along with the rest of you. You're so gorgeous, Ray.  
Joel: hold on I'm about to call you.

"Hello?" 

"Hi Ray."

"So what was with those gay texts?"

"I was joking when I called you stupid and clueless but I see now that YOU siiiir," he paused. "are indeed those two things. Have you ever heard of a confession or anything?"

He could hear the Puerto Rican lad sigh on the other side of the phone, and he practically saw him rolling his eyes. "What a both...okay Joel this little prank is already getting old, it isn't funny whatsoever. Seriously, mocking people just to mess with them is a dick move and it's irritating. It doesn't make you cool or important."

"I'm not mocking you, dummy, I really do mean the things I've said. All of it."

"Your empty compliments and pretending to flirt with me is really getting old, don't you have some whores you can do that to?"

"All of it," Joel repeated. "I meant it all! Complimenting your looks, flirting with you, touching you and always trying to get close to you are all things I do with the intention of winnin' ya over buuuuut you are so god damn stubborn and humble and whatever the fuck you are. I mean, you can't take a compliment or realize when someone is after you it's fuckin...it's fuckin...I don't even know."

Ray's voice changed. It wasn't apparent to Joel, he hadn't noticed it all, but Ray's voice was once again weak and uneasy as it was in the theatre earlier with an added hint of desperation and graveness. "Stop it, why would you keep doing this it's not funny. I've put up with it too often...already."

"If this were all some cruel dick of a joke why would I have kissed you? And since you think I just fucking with you why did you kiss me back later on, huh?"

He scoffed, irritated, into the phone and dropped his free arm to his side on defeat. "Because...hell, I don't fuckin' know. Why did you kiss me in the first place?"

"Heh, you're getting so flustered and it's absolutely precious, you're too god damn cute no matter what you do. But in all seriousness, as serious as a drunken idiot can be, why did you kiss me back? Was it a platonic kiss or not?"

Ray nearly flinched at the 'Or not'. All of the things 'or not' encapsulated, and he was sure he was terrified of every single one. Softly and hesitantly he began to talk again, as if he were revealing his darkest secrets to the world. "I kissed you because I thought it would make you happy," he squeaked. "like me. When you kissed me I felt...nice and I wanted you to feel nice." 

Instantly hating himself for that answer Ray smashed the hang up button and set his phone, harder than he meant to, on his nightstand and lied in bed. He rested his arms on his stomach and listened to the sound of his heavy breathing, only challenged by the rapid thumps of his heart. Nearly involuntarily his arm reached for the phone and he checked his messages and he felt his fear refreshed as he confirmed the messages were real. Joel's messages were real and so was the conversation they'd just had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time in Shooting for the Biggest Star:
> 
> When will Arryn finally get the girl of her dreams?
> 
> Will Ray be able to handle Joel and peer pressure all in one night?
> 
> Does Joel realize the significance of everything he told Ray?
> 
> And how many drinks does it take before the gang loses their minds?


	13. All I Ask of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's never a fixed description of Joel's feelings for Ray, and to the Puerto Rican it is the most annoying thing about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back finally! It's strange that it takes me so long to get out these chapters when I work on them just about everyday. 
> 
> And for those of you who read my other works: I work on them, too, just not as much as this one. This one has became my favorite.

**Arryn** ran up to the three of them after ten minutes of standing in the theatre lobby. After the musical, rivers of people flowed in and out of the theatre doors and the lobby was alive with chatter and satisfied audience members. Pieces of conversation occasionally rung through their ears ranging from critique on the musical to talk of the original movie.

 

"Hey guys," she sung as she came up with a huge smile. "So how'd you all like the play?"

 

"It was better than the bloody movie," Gavin said with genuine awe. "it was very well done."

 

"Everyone did a flawless job," concurred Michael from beside him. "And I loved you as Giry."

 

Ray did as well. "You looked and acted marvelously. You make her character come to life, make her seem more significant than she actually she was in the original book."

 

She blushed as practically jumped at the compliments.

 

"Aw thank you, lads. I was so scared of messing something up or not being good enough, so to have reassurance about my performance is good. My favorite thing was Kara and Joel, I mean let's he honest Raoul and Christine have always fit together more than her and the phantom I think. Those two coordinated with each other so well tonight especially at the end."

 

"Oh where like Raoul has to save Christine from the Phantom's sewer lair?" Michael asked. "Joel made that dramatic as fuck, and Ryan...well he was more terrifying than a real phantom woulda been. God damn can the three of them sing."

 

Ray scoffed and shook his head. "That part was the lamest thing ever. Any part involving Kara and Joel together was lame."

 

"The lamest thing ever had to have caught your interest."

 

"Their characters in the movies and plays aren't even as good as the book. The characters are so much more authentic and genuine just from text descriptions, instead of drawing out the unnecessary romantic stuff."

 

Ray shrugged and folded his arms across his chest. Gavin saw this and a cheeky smirk appeared on his face. "I think Raoul is more vivid and genuine now than in the book, isn't he Ray?"

 

"Uh no absolutely not."

 

Although somewhat offended by Ray's bitterness, Arryn offered him an emphatic smile. She agreed with him to an extent for the book truly was-as any book is-better than any remaking, but she enjoyed them nonetheless. Even if some of the authenticity was sacrificed to appeal to a younger less cultured generation. "It was drawn out, but that made it better for acting out, it was also very adorable and reaches your emotions more."

 

"So Ray is it really the scenes that got you salty, or just the people in those scenes?"

 

"Why would it be the people, he dislikes Kara being around Joel that much?"

 

"I don't give a shit about them, and I'm also not trying to say they're bad actors it's just that remakes can never be great. Good, yes, but not even close to the original. Good actors/singers doesn't equal good remake"

 

"That is true, but still I hope for the most part you enjoyed the overall play."

 

"Everyone involved worked hard and it showed," is all Ray said as he shrugged.

 

"So Arryn where and when's the bloody after show party thing?"

 

"At Joel's house in like thirty minutes."

 

In contemplation Gavin hummed as he weighed his options. He loved social gatherings, he loved alcohol, and he loved not having to clean up after a party. On the other hand, he could study for the Algebra test he had tomorrow, get at least six hours of sleep, and not risk lying horribly to his parents and losing their trust for a very long time. "I'm wondering how worthwhile going to it would be. I mean Joel does throw the best parties."

 

"He does, I always have fun. Although at the end of the night you might as well call it Matt's party since he's the one handling disasters."

 

"Why does Matt do it?" Ray asked suddenly caring about the conversation.

 

"Well you know how Joel is. He isn't the best candidate to handle teen party affairs sober, and when he's drunk and passed out on his floor in a puddle of his own vomit he's extremely useless. Since Matt barely drinks and he's more of a leader, he's always had to keep things under control."

 

"Jesus Christ is that usually what Joel ends up doing?"

 

"Ermmm preeeety much, yeah."

 

He opened his mouth to express his disapproval and surprise at the fact, but as he recalled everything he knew about Joel he swallowed his words. That was not, after all, surprising at all. Those things were such a Joel thing to do.

 

Such a jock thing to do.

* * *

They'd come to the party and Ray was forsaken shortly thereafter. Drinking games were out of the question, as were any that required provocative touches and random kisses, and so he was doomed to chill on the couch and watch every other person enjoy themselves. Once again Ray was alone even with a world of people around him. Once again he was awkwardly standing on the sidelines with his mouth shut as laughs and shouts of joy reign the whole world round. He would've liked to go up to a group of people he didn’t know and mingle and without noticing it becomes the life of the party, but this wasn't his domain. Ray just wasn't in the right place to do it.

 

After thirty minutes (or what to Ray seemed like a hour) of playing games on his phone and texting his mom, he felt the couch shift and sink under the weight of a new being. Through the corner of his eye he could tell who the person was and he could only guess that it was someone just needing to rest. But then they touched him. A gentle finger tapped his shoulder, and he was acknowledged! He was grateful to the blue eyed hipster boy with his long dark locks and pretty face.

 

"Hey Jon," Ray greeted him with a sudden look of genuine happiness on his face. "What's up?"

 

"Hey, I saw you in detention earlier today."

 

Ray rolled his eyes at the memory. He wanted to spit at the memory of that spiteful, forever angry teacher. "Yeah, Mrs. Clancy is a fucking prick."

 

"You're here because of her? That makes the two of us."

 

"What'd you do sneeze during class?"

 

He shook his head. "Try being involved in a clay throwing fight."

 

"I heard of that! YOU, Jon Risenger, were involved in it?"

 

Jon nodded, almost proudly. "Yeah but I actually got off pretty lucky compared to the other people involved. Blaine, Geoff, and some other guys took it really far. I didn't go past clay throwing."

 

"Why'd they fight?"

 

"They were defending Kerry. Apparently he and Ryan did some..." Jon made wild hand gestures as he tried to find his words. His voice became lower and wavered, like he'd began to ask a question. "...stuff?"

 

"Oh yeah they secretly dated for like three months."

 

"Mhmm, and it would seem that during that time they sorta went into the boy's athletic locker room long after a practice...and..."

 

"I get, well it was gonna happen eventually. What?" When Ray didn't hear the older boy's laughter mix with his own he looked over to see if maybe something had distracted him. No such thing. He was fully attentive; he was even looking at Ray. But the looks of a man with not a single joke to be told, allowing realization to sink in. "They really-"

 

"Yes...yes they did."

 

His face contorted with disgust. ""Right in the locker room here people can clearly see?"

 

"No, no, supposedly it was in the locker rooms bathroom. Still a weird ass place to do it."

 

He shook his head in utter disapproval and disgust. He once thought higher of his two friends. Ryan just seemed so above such trifling actions, he never even imagined the gent doing that before getting married. And now he was, and THERE of all places. Then there was little Kerry who seemed as innocent as a mouse. Knowing that he could stoop to that was a surprise. "It is...and someone just walked in on them?"

 

"I don't believe so, according to Kerry he doesn't know how they were figured out. But some assholes in our ceramics class did and they were talking shit to him so Geoff got involved, and then Burnie, Blaine, and I. It began with childish clay throwing but you know how Geoff is."

 

"Ah yeah, he took it to the next level."

 

"Yup," He answered like a parent disappointed in his child's behavior. "and so he and Blaine got OSS for two days while Burnie and I got a day of detention."

 

"I'm glad you guys did that for 'im. That was brave of all of you, defending him even though it meant you'd get punished. Because I'm assuming Geoff and Burnie have been suspended from basketball for awhile. You guys are badasses, all I did was tell Michael to 'eat my shit'."

 

Jon let out a loud laugh before composing himself. "How come?"

 

"'cause he carved 'J.P.H. + R.T.N.JR.' Into the bottom of my vase, and I didn't notice until Mrs. Clancy gave them to us from the kiln two days ago."

 

"Are those Joel and yours initials?"

 

"You two, huh? It feels like it's literally not a secret anymore about Joel and I."

 

"I think it's cute that he likes you."

 

"Allegedly he likes me," The lad corrected slightly annoyed at the entire situation. "I wouldn't believe it if he said it to my face, which he almost did yesterday-you see he called me yesterday and told me he did."

 

"So why don't you believe it then?"

 

"Because that type of stuff only happens in fairy tales. Some womanizing meathead jock really liking an unpopular nerd like me? Shit's unheard of."

 

Jon took a moment to really examine their differences. Joel the popular and strangely handsome sports star A student who loved parties. He could also note that he attracts girls without really trying and had no fear when confronting others, but that didn't distinguish them, for those traits applied to Ray just as well. Nevertheless they were very different. Ray was a cute little nerd with an awkward gait and unremarkable taste in clothes. He looked over at Joel with his dark blue Nike shirt and black basketball shorts, then back at Ray with his black Beanie, Mario hoodie and distressed jeans. This contrasted with his ability to talk to anyone of any social rank and exceptional humor. Still, Jon saw, the two boys' differences set them worlds apart.

 

"I see where you're coming from with that, people tend to stay within their own 'clique' when it comes to dating."

 

"Exactly. And even then the relationship will be crap; like even if it's true, if Joel did like me we wouldn't work and it wouldn't last long."

 

"What makes you so sure?"

 

He gestured at himself, pointing from his face to his feet. "Because it's me and it's high school. How often do relationships that start in high school last more than a year if that?"

 

"Not very often, but that doesn't mean it isn't possible. I agree with what you're saying to an extent, but there're some things I wanna debunk if you don't mind."

 

"If you can change my mind then I'll be impressed."

 

"First off you must consider who Joel is, like completely. Look past his skin because its just sprinkled with basketball, social events, and a...an extreme fondness of females. He hangs out with us and the group much more than them, he likes us all more. Also when was the last time he even had a girlfriend?"

 

"This summer. Sarge said this has been the longest he saw Joel without one."

 

"See there ya go, that means that maybe his interest in you has put that desire for girls down. For good maybe. And if he were just fucking around with you why would he have been pursuing you so long?"

 

"How do you know he's been pursuing me for a long time? I feel like it's only been a few weeks."

 

"He told me," he replied hesitantly. "So if he was just looking for someone to play or a cheap piece of ass he would've given up already to find someone easier."

 

"Even if he liked me, hypothetically, I don't want to date him. How I could when there's no chance of us working out anyway? He is a stupid, impulsive jock that spends his time partying and fucking around with people he calls his 'bros'. Look at 'em." He motioned first at the table where Joel, Matt, Jack, and Ryan sat. Then his arm panned over to point out several other people. "With their gelled hair and sporty clothing."

 

Jon couldn't disagree with the statement. He saw how Ryan often wore Nike running pants and t-shirts with a school club or sport on it along with a Nike Snapback keeping his long blonde waves out of his face. He noted how Matt couldn't be seen without his varsity jacket and the latest Adidas shoes, or how Burnie was always wearing a compression shirt and basketball shorts with some type of ForthNace jacket. Their style contrasted with the cardigans, slacks, skinny jeans, and bow ties he often opted for and he disliked it. "That's pretty much what they look like, yeah, but what's that gotta do with you two dating?"

 

"I am a small, awkward looking nerd and I have braces co-"

 

"Shut up," he interjected indignantly, as if truly offended. "You are really fucking cute and everyone thinks so."

 

"Yeah, but I don't."

 

Suddenly Jon was ushering someone over towards them, but Ray didn't bother to turn around and see who it was. Their familiar voice was ringing in his ears soon enough anyway.

 

"Hey, Gav, gotta question for ya."

 

The Brit plopped down in the small space between the two others and drunkenly slung his arms around their shoulders. "What's up?"

 

"Do you think Ray is attractive?" The aforementioned lad shot him an irritated look and mouth 'what the fuck are doing?' He didn't need to hear anyone tell him now bad he looked, and knowing Gavin, he would answer with his honest opinion and not a single grain of sugar would coat it.

 

Gavin answered the question without doubt or hesitation, as if he'd always had such thoughts at the top of his head. He didn't even sound drunk as he spoke. "Ray is pretty cute, honestly," he looked over at Ray and smiled. "handsome, but more on the cute side of the spectrum."

 

Albeit nice that others found him attractive, and he knew that a decent amount of people did, the gross dislike he had for his physical appearance drowned every other opinion.

 

"Hey Gav?" Ray asked tapping the brit's shoulder. "Where’s Michael?"

 

Gavin pointed at the table where they were playing a game. Barbara and Miles were already out and Michael obviously just joined them because he was banging the table and shouting at Geoff, arguing that his guesses were 'unfair because you know me too god damn much'. From the looks of his half full diet come bottle, Ryan was winning with Chris close behind him. How everyone beside Ryan-those who actually drank and went into battle with beers and champagnes instead of soda-was still functioning was a wonder to Ray.

* * *

Miles returned to the table with a cooler of various liquids, beers, champagnes, and a diet coke. "Alright party people we're gonna play a game I'd like to call 'Never Would I've Guessed' and it's sorta like a twisted 'never have I ever'. So everyone has three 3 cans of Wudbeiser, right? You should also have a little shot glass. In this game we will take turns guessing something about the person to our right. I, for example, would have to guess something about Barbs with a 'never would I've guessed' format. If what you guess is right about them they'll have to take a shot. If you're wrong than everyone else takes one. Got it? Good. Let is begin then."

 

"I'm going first," Geoff called, scooting Ryan's bottles of diet coke towards him. "I never would have guessed that Ryan is a virgin! Drink of bitch." Ryan smirked at the older gent and shook his head. Yet Geoff pursued and pushed the bottle closer to him. "Ryan. Drink."

 

"Actually," He scooted Geoff's bottle towards him. "all of you need to drink."

 

A disbelieving Michael gawked at the boy. "What...? What?"

 

"Look at the bloke of course he's shagged. Girls probably offer their minge to him."

 

"'Offer their minge to him'...don't get all English on me."

 

"So who is the lucky girl or girls?" Barbara asked in a sing song tone.

 

"Uh it don't datter- I mean matter."

 

"I think you flub more when you're lying."

 

Ryan quickly changed the subject, growing more and more uncomfortable. "So uh anyway, I never would have guessed that Miles has...shat himself."

 

Miles stared at his glass for moment before sighing and pouring himself a shot. The mixed looks of amusement, disgust, and curiosity made him feel awkward enough, so he saved himself the trouble of having questions hurled at him. "Well...I'd gotten home from Back in the Jox one day and tried out this spicy chipotle burrito thingy. For about an hour or so my stomach just churned. Like a butter making thing it just churned and growled and bubbled, then i felt like a drop inside me and my anus was suddenly on fire. So I ran to the bathroom and just...let the storm rage on."

 

"So how'd you shit yourself if you made it to the toilet?"

 

"The pre-storm raged on before the real storm. So yup that's the time I pooped my pants." Miles grimaced at his drink and wished he'd chosen something fruitier. "So is it my turn now?"

 

Michael rolled his eyes impatiently and threw his arms up. "Yes genius you made the fucking game."

 

"Oh okay, okay, okay so I never would have guessed that Joel has kissed a man."

 

An already tipsy Joel immediately poured himself and threw his head back as he downed it much too quickly. He frowned at the taste and wished he'd went with a lighter choice. Gavin gave him an inquisitive look. "When did you kiss a bloke, Joel?"

 

"About one... day ago if memory serves."

 

"Who was it?" The Brit asked with more interest.

 

"That would be the Mexican over there."

 

"Tucker?"

 

"No Ray the other one. In the theatre backstage when we were all alone I kissed Ray," "just a little peck on the cheek. I was too much of a bitch to go any farther but who knows maybe tonight that'll change. Maybe, but probably not since I can't woo a guy to save my ass."

 

Jack, Geoff, and Matt exchanged nervous looks. Playing along with them were several guys from school who weren't as close to them. People who they knew well enough to call friends, yet they had no idea how they would react to Joel. "Maybe Caboose's migraine is finally getting to him?" Jack suggested in an attempt to save him.

 

Matt nodded in agreement and gestured towards the stairs. "Yeah why don't you go lay down for the rest of the night?"

 

Not realizing the severity of his words, Joel continued. "I've been after him for...a month now? I don't even know, but I've been dropping hints and we've done so much together. From spooning on the uh- fuckin' couch and sleeping on the same bed to just downright flirting but he's just so damn stubborn. He's like 'oh you’re a jock you could never like a nerd like me. There's no such thing as romance is high school anyway'. So he hasn't budged. Yesterday I even told the bastard I liked him and he STILL wouldn't believe it! Tex was right I suck so much. I should really stop drinking and doing dumb things. Ah fuck Tex you were right." He took a swig of his drink, forgetting the rules of the game.

 

Matt let out an exasperated with and rolled his eyes. "Caboose shut up, pretty please."

 

"S I do the question thing now right?"

 

"Yes." The younger answered annoyed.

 

"I never would have guessed that Jon Risenger has a little penis. Jon just take your shot, dude."

 

"You take your shot, fuckers. I am not little."

 

Incredulously, Gavin scoffed and scooted his bottle away from himself. "Bull shit. Attractive people never have big cocks, nobody gets the full deal it's one or the other."

 

"I have a pretty big penis," As if trying to strengthen his point, he raised his hands. On came to rest on his chest and the other held high in the air. "On god."

 

"Show us, then."

 

"No!"

 

"Proof or it's not true."

 

Geoff reached towards him and made a grabbing motion with his hands, a teasing and nearly challenging smile overcoming his face. "Alright let me just feel it so I can confirm it."

 

"Get away from me."

 

"Geoff shut up you virgin." Miles chuckled. "you cock hungry weirdo."

 

"Well do you guys wanna know or not?!"

 

"I wanna know because I agree with Gavin,” Jack insisted. "Nobody is perfect and gets the whole set, you're good in one area and bad the other. How much to show your penis, Jon? I'll give ya five dollars."

 

"If everyone at this table contributes ten dollars we'll have a hundred and thirty quid."

 

"I am not showing anyone my dick no matter what."

 

"I'm not drinking my shot then. I don't wanna be wrong and lose something that could be untrue."

 

Jon simply shrugged with the most blasé expression on his face. "Fine by me."

 

"I'll drink mine," Ryan said as he poured a shot of his beloved diet coke. The suggestive, vulgar smirk was uncharacteristic of the cow lover and because of his exceptional acting talents nobody was certain how genuine his words or actions were. "but if I find out my shot was taken for no reason, I'll be needing retribution."

* * *

He's not sure when it happened, but the people inside his house had undergone a dramatic change. As Joel looked around he saw that anyone who drinks was pitifully drunk or at least on their way, only those who prefer to be alcohol free remaining sober. That didn't hindered their party hard mentality, no, they still danced, played, and made out. They just did it with a conscious mind and without a wavering stance. They would actually remember it in the morning.

 

That's something he'd always dislike about people getting drunk out of their minds. They'd do the stupidest things and when they woke they couldn't recall it for their lives. So how, then, could he use the memory of the event against them without taking a picture? Because taking a picture of it seemed a bit too far, thought sober Joel, but he's gone.

 

He'd taken many pictures with his phone. One was of Gavin hugging Ryan unnecessarily tight the older, having Gavin up on moving him, lied back in the recliner and continued talking Jack. The next one was of Burnie, Geoff, Matt, and several others seeing how many people they could get lying on top of each other in a sort of tower. Of all of the pictures he took, his favorite was one of Barbara, Arryn, and Kdin passed out on one of the sofas while Caleb, Michael, and Lindsay drew on their faces with sharpie.

 

The boy lost his interest in pictures when he noticed a groggy looking Puerto Rican lad slumped over on one of the arm chairs.

 

Ray giggled like a child on a ride as he was lifted from the couch and carried to an unknown destination. He was able to discern enough to guess it would be a bedroom, but his suspicion wasn't confirmed until he was lied down on a soft surface and from behind a pillow cradled his head nicely. Then there were hands on him and he imagined he was a banana being peeled until he was just the white mushy fruit, cold without the peel. Mustering up some energy, he reached for a magic 8-ball on the nightstand next to him and began rapidly shaking it.

 

"Magic 8-ball," he slurred. "do you think Joel like me?" He held the ball still and peered into the purple liquid as a white triangle settled on the surface.

 

'Probably not'

 

"Yeah, hehe. I don't either. I like you, Magic 8-ball, you really understand me." He let the black ball fall out of his hands and fall onto the carpeted floor. Yeah, it was definitely carpeted. The ball didn't roll when it hit the ground. The cool air was soothing to Ray so he allowed his eyes to nearly close, his vision hardly clear.

\---

In the darkness Ray saw a completely naked Joel standing at the closed door. He seemed to take forever to come towards the bed, but finally he did and Ray could feel the strong hands over his now naked chest before Joel ran his palms down the sides of the lad's hips and gently lifted his legs so he could fit himself comfortably between them. He lowered himself and came forward. When he entered Ray, the shock sent him reeling back, his entire body undulating like the throbs of a heart or the waves of an ocean gone mad. The vibrations originated in his stomach and pulsed through his entire body, and he was breathless. He felt Joel moving over him again, fitting himself into Ray once more and turning him again into that undulating mess. Every time he entered, it sent Ray higher and higher until he felt like an apparition watching it's own body in some erotic scene from a movie.

 

He felt no pain, he saw no solid objects, he heard no distinct sounds, and he tasted no fear. Through his eyes he saw only smudges and lights from indiscernible sources, random shapes floating about. He wanted to cry out, to beg Joel to go faster, but the feeling was so beyond anything he could comprehend. It was euphoric. He could manage only small noise, pathetic whimpers and moans, and he was not sure if the sound ever really escaped his lips. As it went on Ray found his eyelids getting heavier until at last his eyes were closed. How he wanted to stay conscious to feel Joel.

* * *

 

His rear end was not sore and it didn't feel any different than it always did. He looked at his waist and saw that his belt was how it always was with the third hole always the one being used. His shoes were tied with the knot he always had them in, and none of his clothing seemed to have been removed. His body didn't seem different, yet his head throbbed and his stomach was queasy.

 

The sun pouring in from the window blinded him and for a minute he allowed his vision to recover before slowly rising and accessing his current location. He recognized the bedroom as Joel's and saw that the clock read 7:35 a.m. A mass stirred from beside him, causing him to jump and immediately grab his head. Hangovers, he noted, made it difficult and painful to move.

 

He placed a hand on the mass’ shoulder and shook it just enough to wake it. “Joel? Joel,” he called slightly louder.

 

Something of a groan came from it and it began to stir. “Who the fuck is Joel?” It grumbled crossly.

 

_It’s not Joel? Who the fuck is it then? Surely I wouldn’t hook up with some random…_ In his short moment of terror Ray ripped the covers off of the being to reveal a groggy Michael lifting his arm to block out the light. His brown-amber eyes struggled to open fully, and the struggled to sit up was even greater.

 

In realization Ray offered him shade by putting his hand in front of the older lad’s forehead as a sort of visor. “Oh. Hey man.”

 

“Speaking of _Hey man,_ why did you think I was Joel?”

 

“Before I answer that, what happened to us last night? Like one minute I was watching you play twisters with some other drunk people and the next I woke up next to you.”

 

Michael lied down in the bed again, pulling the covers over him. It was then that Ray realized that Michael, like himself, was fully clothed. “Well, you were drunk. I thought you didn’t drink.”

 

“I mean YOLO, right? I started of small, just some mango wine mixed in my orange juice. But it was good so I was like ‘fuck it. New country, new life, new decisions.’ So I had four glasses of just the mango wine, nothing too bad.”

 

“Well no wonder, wine is alcoholic as shit, dude. ‘Nothing too bad,’” Michael copied pitifully.

 

“It is?”

 

“Yeah what are you an idiot? Just because it tastes weaker doesn’t mean it is. So because you were drunk I, being the great brother that I am, had Joel carry you upstairs. And just to be sure you would survive till ‘morn, I went to bed with you. So here we are.” Michael threw the covers off of him at the sudden movement next him only to see Ray dash for the trashcan and vomit into it. He knew it was wrong, and he truly did feel sorry for the small boy, but he laughed nonetheless. “You poor bitch. How are you even alive?”

 

 

"I dunno," He grumbled wiping his mouth. "but I won't be for long. I swear on my mama I ain't drinking again."

 

Ryan came into the room then, much too cheerful. "Hey guys, how're you?"

 

"What the fuck do you think?" Michael grumbled.

 

"I'm assuming you're all survivors of alcohol poisoning."

 

Ray, still kneeling at the trashcan, nodded. "Sounds about right. You’re so lucky you stayed sober, never drink."

 

“I don’t plan to, I appreciate the warning anyway”

 

It was as though the junior had causes a chain reaction and everyone else in the house woke up. Besides the people passed out in various places on lower floors, that is. Nearly everyone who’d slept upstairs was suddenly awake and filing into Joel’s room. Along with a few people the two brothers hardly knew, Matt, Burnie, Arryn, Barbara, Adam, and Joel all came into the room looking like death.

“Good morning all,” Ryan greeted.

 

Matt, although very sober, was still tired and adjusting to being awake. “You’re too alive right now. I didn’t even drink and I think that.”

 

“Yeah,” Joel agreed. “Hung-over plus tired equal misery. Poor Ray, you look like suffering.”

 

“He looks like suffering? You mean he looks like he’s suffering?”

 

‘”Ah whatever it still gets the point across: You two look like shit.”

 

The lad finally stood up and flipped him off. Michael did the same, groaning as he stretched. "By the way,” The Jersey boy asked. “where'd you go last night, Joel, when you left the party?"

 

He gestured towards Burnie and matt standing next to him. "To invest in some stuff with the guys."

 

"Like what?"

 

"Like stuff." Joel answer too quickly.

 

Before Michael could integrate the senior a hung over Geoff called from somewhere down the hall. ""Dammit, Caboose you left your jizz condom on the floor! Ew I almost stepped on it, ew it's so weeeeiiird."

 

One of the guys from the team came up behind Joel and patted him on the back before allowing his arm to rest across his broad shoulder. "Fucking nice, Caboose. So who is the girl?"

 

"It was Destie, calling it now," Declared Burnie. He gave Joel an angry, nearly disappointed glare.

 

The older scoffed, returning the glare. "No it fuckin' was not. I'd rather shoot myself in the dick."

 

"Then Kara?" Arryn guessed.

 

"Who was it?" Matt added.

 

"None of you have the right questioning me about that."

 

"Ew it's so gross! I'll...I'll just leave it here for you to pick up."

 

"Up yours, Geoffrey," Joel hollered down the hall.

 

Matt and a few other guys came into the room, practically surrounding him. With all of these strangers in the room while he just lied in the bed Ray felt very out of place. He felt like a sardine among sharks. A geek among the popular kids. Burnie's look softened as he continued. "I know that it's not my place to question you, it's just that I thought you'd rather do it with...someone...yeah."

 

One of the boys, the jackass he knew as Hunter, pointed in the direction Burnie's eyes naturally drifted. The lad's heart leaped when he realized it was him. "Who? Him? Now why would that even be a feasible thing? It's not."

 

"Why the fuck isn't it?" Snapped Michael suddenly, causing everyone to immediately face him.

 

"Caboose is a star, a big star. He could literally get any girl he wanted, so why would he pick a guy. And him of all people? It's just...no."

 

"Concerned because you're not one of 'em, fuckboy?"

 

Hunter looked at Joel and pointed a thumb at Ray. "You two aren't a thing, right?"

 

"No." He replied a bit too quickly, and with a bit too much hurt in his voice, as if he were being forced to say something he didn't want to admit. "No there's no chance of that." The sorrow in Joel's brown eyes was so great that one could feel it just from looking into him.

 

"And how much chemistry is there between you guys?"

 

"There is none." He answered as he lowered his head.

 

Having won his argument he threw his arms up and allowed them to fall back to his sides. "Exactly."

\---

 

The majority of the people were gone and and so Joel, Michael, Ray were the only ones left. A dumbfounded Michael was sitting on the couch with Ray at his side. "What the fucking fuck, Joel? Why would you say that?" The New Jerseyan asked:

 

"It's true and you know it, don't whine at me."

 

"Did you forget all that shit you said yesterday?"

 

"The stuff about Ray never giving me the time of day? Or the part where I mentioned there was no chance of us ever being together? I recall 'em both. Has Ray ever showed any interest in me?"

 

It pained him to say it, hell he was tempted to lie to avoid being wrong. "Not that I've seen."

 

"Because he hasn't at all. So why should I hold off on anything to wait for something that will never happen? Don't tell me you actually expect me-or any sensible human being-to do that."

~~~

When Michael and Ray returned home their mom was already up and about getting out Christmas decorations. They explained to her that they decided to come home early to get some last minute homework done before Monday, and no questions came from her after that.

 

Ray sprawled himself across Michael's bed while the other went to his desk and spun around in the chair. "You're not the only one going through some relationship shit, at least. If it makes you feel any better."

 

He shrugged. "I dunno. By any chance does it have to do with Ryan? Like at the party yesterday Gavin was getting a bit touchy with him and you didn't seem to care."

 

"I didn't. Not one bit."

 

"Shouldn't you, though?"

 

"Since we're still dating I probably should, but because I no longer want to I don't."

 

He faced his nonchalant brother, surprise in his voice. "If this is about what that asshole in the courtyard said-"

 

"No it's not, it really isn't I just don't feel that way about him anymore. I no longer see him as a boyfriend and the spark is just gone. I dunno if it'll be more manipulative if I call it quits before or after the dance."

 

"How excited is he for the dance?"

 

"Too excited I say." Replied Michael irritably.

 

"Then wait until after the dance, like a week after."

 

"That's like late December I can't wait that long. I'm...I'm over it. I'm sorry but I ain't feelin' the whole dating thing anymore and I just wanna be single. Hell I may convert to Rayism."

 

"Ah yeah? Is that the belief of just blazing?"

 

"It's the believe of fucking forgetting romance until I'm out of high school since any relationship during or before it will end up sucking. Like, Gavin has done nothing wrong, he is a good boyfriend and everything but I don't like him that way anymore. He has done nothing wrong and yet our relationship is going to end, it can happen so easily."

 

"Once again: what do I always fucking say?"

~~~

Ray heart raced as he anticipated French class that day. He feared the tension, dreaded the awkward encounters, and still the disgust he felt lingered.

 

Yet when he walked into class Joel didn't even glance his way and he continued talking to the boy in front of him. The lack of attention relieved him and irritated him at the same time, and he was irritated that such thoughts even traversed his mind.

 

"Your next project will be a creative piece of writing in which you write about love," the teacher explained when class began. "France is home to the city of love, after all, so you all will..."

 

"Joel? Hey, Joel, what's up with that text you sent me last night?" He waited for the older to answer, but he didn't even acknowledge that Ray had spoken him. He continued to look forward, back straight, eyes on the prompt projected onto the board, and to Ray it was the most bullshit thing ever. Just because Joel did excellent in school didn't mean he cared to listen to the teacher that much. He simply never has. He whispered to him once more and once more he was completely ignored.

 

Then, Ray desperately tried jabbing his hand with his sharpest pencil. He opened the journal on Joel's desk and wrote vulgar messages and scribbled in it. He held the journal in front of the senior's face, but alas the phrases 'homo king', 'I am a dumb cock jock', and 'will eat ass for more women' didn't bother him.

 

"Fuck you and your damn arrorgahnce."

 

"It's Air-row-gence."

 

"You acknowledge me just to-?"

 

"Hush."

 

"No I'm asking-"

 

"I'm trying to listen," he whispered back.

 

"Why're you being such an asshole?"

 

Joel suddenly began to speak very loudly, on the edge of shouting. "If you wanted my CnapShat so badly you coulda just asked." He took Ray's arm so that it lied in from of him.

 

"Is something the matter?" The teacher turned to them. "Do we have a problem?"

 

"He keeps bothering me," Answered Joel as he scribbled something onto Ray's arm. "He wanted my CnapShat really bad."

 

"C'mon guys. From Joel it's nothing new, but from you it's not common. Let's keep it that way and act like we have some sense. Okay?"

 

From that Ray understood 'not', 'problems', 'have', and 'sense', so he grumbled out a yes and began listening to the teacher, not caring to snatch his arm away from the senior until he smelled the strong yet somewhat good scent of sharpie. In large, messy, green and red extending from his wrist to nearly his elbow it read 'CabooseH'. Why was he acting stranger(than usual)?

 

"Meathead bitch," Ray said quietly enough for Joel and surrounding students could hear, but not the teacher. He wondered if it was really his CnapShat. He didn't care enough to try it, though. "Excuse me, Madam, can I goto the bathroom and wash my arm please?"

 

"In French..?"

 

"Um...may I go to bathroom?"

 

"Yes," she answered pleased.

 

When he returned from the bathroom seven minutes later with a barely faded 'CabooseH' on his arm he snatched Joel's letterman jacket off the back of his chair and put it on, sitting down with an irritated look on his face.

 

"Um," Joel looked at the jacket engulfing Ray's small frame and back up at him. "you sorta have my jacket on."

 

Ray responded in a hiss-like whisper. "It's mine's for the rest of the day, jackass. Unless you have an eraser for your permanent sharpie."

 

"Fine, but only because you look somewhat cute in it."

 

"It's like twice my size."

 

Joel shrugged and faced forward once more. "You look somewhat cute in my clothes."

* * *

> Ray: I don't understand you...I really, REALLY do not.
> 
>  
> 
> Joel: I could say the same about you
> 
>  
> 
> Ray: I don't understand myself either, not entirely
> 
>  
> 
> Joel: This is a lot of talk about understanding
> 
>  
> 
> Ray: Well then stop being confusing, Katy Perry
> 
>  
> 
> Joel: Hmm?
> 
>  
> 
> Ray: You're hot and you're cold, yes and no, black and white, all of 'em. Everyone is saying you like me, and you're like 'I'll got flirt with Ray, then you're like 'I'll go flirt with other girls and fuck two of them in one night', and after that you're like 'I'll manipulate Ray's feelings some more. You even seemed pissed off at me before I left your house yesterday.
> 
>  
> 
> Joel: I really wasn’t mad at you or Michael. Geoff kind of. Your voice is getting louder now, chill out
> 
>  
> 
> Ray: We're texting. And don't tell me to chill out, dumb American.
> 
>  
> 
> Joel: Okay, dude, just STOP hating me. <\3
> 
>  
> 
> Ray: Stop giving me reasons to
> 
>  
> 
> Joel: I didn't mean to manipulate you or play you. I'm confused. I'm sorry I've brought you down to this point with me, I don't understand myself. I don't know what I want. I'll leave you alone; quit flirting with you and getting all touchy. I'll even stop being around you all together if you want
> 
>  
> 
> Ray: Thanksgiving break will give us a chance to chill and cool down. Maybe we'll miss each other so much after break we'll have nearly forgotten today and yesterday and whatever
> 
>  
> 
> Joel: Maybe. What're ya doing over the break?
> 
>  
> 
> Ray: My host family and I will be just here in Austin while other relatives come down from New Jersey. I will be spending a lot of time watching streams
> 
>  
> 
> Joel: Oh, you like streams huh? Non-live videos just don't do it for ya?
> 
>  
> 
> Ray: Mmm I mean yeah, I do enjoy them but streams are so much more interesting and personal. Seriously, I could imagine myself doing them someday in my free time or somethin'. What're you doing over the break?
> 
>  
> 
> Joel: The worst thing a human would have to put up with
> 
>  
> 
> Ray: How are you gonna put up with yourself? :D
> 
>  
> 
> Joel: Ya know how my parents and sister have been visiting my uncle and aunt forever? Well, they are going to stay there through the break and they're making me drive up there to join 'em. My other relatives will be coming for thanksgiving.
> 
>  
> 
> Ray: That doesn't sound bad, so why do you not like it?
> 
>  
> 
> Joel: like my family overall, but they're just a few individuals sprinkled in there that drive a dude insane. Like, either super rude and annoying or super judgmental and close minded. And even though I love everyone it sucks being all close and shit at the table for thanksgiving. Never any privacy for those few days.
> 
>  
> 
> Joel: Can you WebChatz right now?
> 
>  
> 
> Ray: Sure :P

 

Albeit against what he was feeling at the time, Ray agreed. His thumb hovered over the send button for a moment before finally pressing it, and the deal had been made. 'He's still and asshole, I'm still disgusted by yesterday, I told myself I would ignore him, so why do I not want to?' Thought the lad. 'Look who's hot and cold now. Look at yourself acting like some ignorant teenage girl. All worried about this asshole that's merely a friend.'

 

Soon Joel's name and ID photo popped up on the screen and Ray clicked on the camera icon, allowing himself to show up in the little window in the corner while Joel's feed still loaded in the larger window. Finally it did, and the messy haired pajama classes senior appeared with a Pepsi in his hand.

 

"Ditching the alcohol I see?" Ray asked with vinegar on his lips.

 

"For the time being. Even I drink in moderation, believe it or not."

 

"So what's your rotation, uhhh five days of drinking then a two day break in between?"

 

"Nuh uh," he answered. "I only drink on the week end, SOMETIMES during the week, but that is extremely rare. I understand I have that drunkard reputation in our group but it's really not accurate. Well me, Geoff, Barbara, and Michael too sorta."

 

"After that party last time I can believe it; they all got hammered, and it's a miracle they're alive. Not only did they survive alcohol poisoning, but they also made it through the vomiting. Pretty sure Barbs is still feeling bad. She wasn't at school today."

 

Joel his head in pity and placed a hand on his chest as if truly moved. Although he did feel bad for those who were hung over (for he knew firsthand how terrible they were) he also knew it wasn't going to be the death of them. "Bless her sweet, booze filled heart.

 

"Yeah. So, uh, can you tell me about that text now?"

 

"What text?"

 

"Christ," Ray sighed as he rolled his eyes. He retrieved his phone from the nightstand and began going through it. "you sent it at around ten last night. Shall I read it?" He cleared his throat before he read. "'It was nothing. It could have been all those things that it was meant to be.' What's that even mean?"

 

"I'll tell you on one condition: you have to answer my question first."

 

"Which is?"

 

"So clearly you're pissed about what I did yesterday," He started. Ray knew when Joel was growing nervous because his eyes would begin to wander and his voice grew weaker, as if he were losing confidence. Anything that made the older worry was almost always worth fearing. "is that because you're jealous?"

 

But the Puerto Rican's voice never grew weaker. Even with his nervousness, he never faltered. "Suddenly the meaning of the text became irrelevant to me."

 

"Aw you're no fun. You're also hard to get information out of, what the hell?"

 

"On yeah? Well you're stupid. And complicated."

 

Joel decided to begin a normal conversation after that. Not because he didn't have a funny, clever retort but because retorting means opposing and opposing means denial. Why deny something that was so undoubtedly true?

 

He already knew he was complicated and that has always been so. Never in a bad way, but he was simply hard to read according to others. There was a time when he wasn't so hard to understand, but Ray had changed that.

 

Just about anything he did that involved Ray didn't entirely make sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting, guys. Love you. <3

**Author's Note:**

> And as I say in every thing I post on here, leave a comment! They actually do mean something to me, like seriously I've literally scraped my ideas for a future chapter and changed them slightly because of a comment someone left and it really spoke to me. They make me very happy.:)
> 
> BTW I've decided the JOELAY theme song is 'I'm a Believer' by Smash Mouth. Yes, that one song from Shrek.
> 
> ALSO, in Red vs. Blue Joel plays a dude called caboose and Burnie plays church, Geoff plays Grif, and that's why they call each other that.


End file.
